- Sep 25, 2020
@Max68 i am completely 100% with you, i think this is cruel and horrible and horrific for her, with my mum all her nightmares are coming true. she has lost her independence, she has lost contact with her family, she is trapped in nightmares of people going missing of dying. and she knows she is losing her mind.Thanks for the reply. Totally understand where you are coming from. My sister saw mum yesterday and mum was talking about suicide again, saying that she wished that she had taken some pills etc etc. Thing is both my sister and I can understand that and I feel awful saying this but I just wish mum would go quietly in her sleep. It would "almost" be better in some ways that she was next stage, because at the moment she knows something is not right and she isn't what she was whereas further down the line she might be oblivious to her previous self and the life that she had.
It again sounds horrible saying this but with animals we put them out of their misery so to speak if they are ill with no chance of recovery but with mum the doctor still ply's her with her usual medication to keep them "physically" well but can't do anything about the mental decline which seems incredibly cruel, although I totally understand that the GP's are only doing their job and cannot do anything else.
selfishly, i don’t want to be there for this. i don’t want to support her, i don’t want to hear her whine and sob and tell me paranoid fantasies. it’s all the worst aspects of my mum and it’s really triggering the bad aspects of our relationship. i have to actively remind myself of who my mum really was.
mum hates the activities too, jigsaw puzzles (easy 100-300 piece ones) are a good thing for her now. as is knitting apparently. though i’ve never seen her do it. she used to do it automatically, so maybe it comes to her sometimes.
but mostly she is so distressed and so busy fighting the flow of the nursing home.... i don’t mind lying to her, but when her fantasy is that all her family has been murdered and it’s distressing her yeah, i’m not going to go with that! she is relieved when i tell her “you don’t have to go to college” or “mum and dad are find, they send their love” but it doesn’t stick....
doing chores for the staff like helping with calendars, easy but purposeful helped mum more, but she is so disruptive now.... i just have to hope they work on her meds faster...