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Mum passed away 5 days ago - guilt and grief

Zoedou123

New member
Apr 15, 2022
2
0
My mum sadly passed away last Thursday after 10 years of this awful disease. She was 72. I’m not even sure why I’m posting maybe just to put things on paper. We have spent so long tending to mum, loving her, getting annoyed with her at times, and 100% did our very best in caring fir her until the end.
I was with her every day for the last week and would go home at night and my step dad would stay. She passed away at 4.15 in the morning and I missed her go.
Honestly I wanted it to be just my step dad with her alone but a part of me now feels guilt for leaving him alone and her despite him insisting I go and rest.
I’m now living in a bubble of what to do and although it was peaceful her final hours can’t get the images out my head of the discomfort she felt and the change in her the last week of her life.
I’m guessing this is normal stages of grief 🤷‍♀️I just want my energy back and to not miss her so much 😔
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,049
0
Kent
Please accept my sympathy @Zoedou123 I`m so sorry.

I share with you the horrors of the final week. It will take time for you to come to terms with it so please be kind to yourself for as long as it takes.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,427
0
South coast
I am so sorry for your loss.

The physical changes that happen in the lead up to death can be harrowing if you are not expecting them (and most people arnt), but they will fade with time and other memories will return. It is all too raw at the moment - give yourself space to grieve.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
847
0
Condolences on your loss. I found the last few days of my mother's life very distressing and felt that more should have been done to make her comfortable. The memories of those days have stayed with me for a long time but as we approach the five year anniversary of her death they have faded quite a lot.

I think that when somebody dies - of whatever illness - there are nearly always questions and what-ifs and regrets because death is final.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,412
0
Sincere condolences. Take good care of yourself during these difficult times.
 

karenbow

Registered User
May 24, 2021
85
0
i,m so very sorry for your loss, it is such an awful time to deal with , i missed my mum going too , i just live 15 mins away and like yourself i tried to do everything for mum but just needed a short rest at home ,the nursing home rang me i was there within minutes but too late, this was in october- i can only remember those last weeks of mums life with sadness and cry often because i miss her so much and it isn,t a rehearsal we only have one chance to do our best and i think guilt is one if the things most difficult to deal with - when i get upset now i try to think logically ,ask myself if i could have done things differently and yes there are always other ways but at the time we do what is best at that moment-it is really early for you and you are probably shocked at how this awful disease ended your mums life- someone told me we have to think about how much we loved our parents,all the good times , all the times we were there with them and helping when they needed it - we didn,t fail - you may also feel like you,re just drifting along , but days will come when you feel strong and you will smile take carexx
 

JennSymo542

Registered User
Nov 6, 2017
18
0
My mum sadly passed away last Thursday after 10 years of this awful disease. She was 72. I’m not even sure why I’m posting maybe just to put things on paper. We have spent so long tending to mum, loving her, getting annoyed with her at times, and 100% did our very best in caring fir her until the end.
I was with her every day for the last week and would go home at night and my step dad would stay. She passed away at 4.15 in the morning and I missed her go.
Honestly I wanted it to be just my step dad with her alone but a part of me now feels guilt for leaving him alone and her despite him insisting I go and rest.
I’m now living in a bubble of what to do and although it was peaceful her final hours can’t get the images out my head of the discomfort she felt and the change in her the last week of her life.
I’m guessing this is normal stages of grief 🤷‍♀️I just want my energy back and to not miss her so much 😔

I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you did everything right, and she will have appreciated that in her own way.