Mum packing to 'Go Home'

[Flake]

Hello. This is my first post although I have been reading many of the posts and comments on here for some time, A brief outline of my problem. My mum is in her 80's, lives alone and has been managing quite well until recently. Her deterioration seems quite rapid and her confusion sometimes extreme. For the last five days she has been packing her things to 'go home'. Day 1 was to go to where she was evacuated during the war. I know my reaction was wrong but I was so shocked to see carrier bags packed with some of the daftest things, and I challenged what she was doing. Day 2 was the same but her clothes were all over the bed and ornaments and photographs were taken down. Day 3 was the same.By now I had replaced everything in its place (3 times) and discussed why she wanted to go home and tried to explain that where she lives is now her home. Her confusion is based around where she lived as a child and when her Dad went off with 'that other woman' and her Uncle used to look after her and her sister. Day 4 all the kitchen things were in the lounge and ornaments and photographs all down again. I did my usual replacing of things and she then agreed that she should live here and that she wasnt going home.
Today she was busy putting things in their new place as this was her home and she was happy that she was staying and that I was close by. I asked if she was sleeping ok and she said she was. She wont do the urine sample the GP asked for as she keeps forgetting. So I left today feeling a little better.
Phone call tonight - was I going round tomorrow to take her home? I said that it would not be tomorrow and that she was at home. She said she did not want to be left alone. She seems quite anxious but Im not sure of the trigger.
How long will this last? How to I prevent her getting further thoughts about moving and actually taking herself out? Where she lived as a child has long gone and has been replaced with a car wash! My love lies are good but Im not sure what to do next. Any helpful ideas would be appreciated. Thank you

 

[Katrine]

Hello Flake. What a worrying time you are having. The GP suspects a UTI (urine infection) and this is the most likely cause of such a sudden downturn. Or another sort of infection. Could you get her to the GP where perhaps the nurse could help her to produce a urine sample? Sometimes a GP will prescribe antibiotics without seeing a patient but that's usually when they know the patient well and it's a regularly recurring problem. I would think the GP really needs to see your mum as a matter of urgency.

She is at increased risk in her current state of mind because the next thing could be her setting off 'home' in the dark. I don't want to add to your worries but from experience I think this might happen. She is obviously frightened of being on her own, especially at night. Whether this is a progression of her dementia or temporary, you won't know until she's been seen by the doctor.

 

[Adcat]

Hi Flake,
katrine has given you good advice.
It's a very difficult and anxiety fuelled state you describe right now.
I can only offer you advice based on my own experience as my dad was doing similar things.
Dad would phone me upti 16 times a night if I was not with him.
He than started to leave the house in the middle of the night looking for his parents and his childhood home. The electric kettle was put on the hob at least 6 times. I could go on and on.
Currently, I now live with my dad supported by paid care.
Dad is never on his own. He just wouldn't cope and there would be safety issues.
When he wants to go home, I say tomorrow.
In this house, everything happens tomorrow.
I hope this is not too painful for you.
Take care.

 

[Flake]

Thank you to both of you. As I work full time taking time out can be difficult although I do pop round every day to give medication and check on her. Yes is it very worrying and I will speak to her GP again tomorrow, although at her last visit she said she thought she was fine and not confused - she did not see the pile of things in the bedroom! Im hoping the more times I say it, that this is her home, that it may sink in (wishful thinking maybe). She did seem more settled today and said how nice it was and although she moved back to look after her Uncle she had lived at this home before! All very odd. Thank you again

 

[Adcat]

Hi Flake,
What's her diagnosis?
Alzhimers progression is different to vascular dementia. My dad has both but predominantly vascular at this time. Some days are much better than others and I sometime feel that his brain has managed to recircuit the bad bits.
The reality is that this is not going going to get better in the long termand I would strongly advise you to think about a package of care. I hit a crisis when I knew Dad needed help. I work full time and had to take emergency leave for a week. As dad is self funding I Was able to sort it all out. I didn't find social services one bit useful.
It is really important that a UTI is ruled out as any type of infection can send confused symptoms spiralling out of control.
Take care

 

[Flake]

There is no diagnosis as such. She refused her first MRI scan and at the second appointment it could not be done due to a clerical error. The third one is booked in two weeks time. Her GP has just said 'dementia' and will not prescribe anything until after the scan. Social Services have carried out an assessment and think she is managing well on her own and offered a calendar clock! Tomorrow is another day and I will speak to the GP. Thank you all for your helpful comments.