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Mum only recognises my brother

Pear trees

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
My mum has difficulty recognising members of her family, in person and in photos, except for my brother and his family who have not visited or called for over 2 years despite living round the corner. According to mum he is wonderful and does everything for her. She has always played me and him against each other, but its hard when she runs me down and praises him all the time I am caring for her.
I left home early for further education, and to pursue a career, but my brother stayed till in his 30's and gave her nothing but trouble with drinking, fighting and unemployed , money problems and bad relationships.
All I can think is that she can only remember him as he gave her so much trouble whilst I learnt tobe independent very early and made my own life.


Registered User
Mar 28, 2015
Not quite as extreme but I am the main carer for Mum and Dad, Mum has dementia and she often forgets who I am. She either thinks I am her cousin or refers to me as 'that lady in the black car who comes to cook for us'.

As far as we know she's never forgotten who my brother is and always remembers the bloomin' cat's name!

Like you I left home early-ish - 19 - and Bruv stayed at home until the age of 33. I was the feisty independent one who wanted to see the world and live life to the fullest (and, thank goodness, I did!) and he was the plodder who was happy to stay at home and go to the pub with his mates a couple of times a week. He was never any trouble to them at all, I was always a constant source of worry! I think that having him at home possibly kept them active and focussed for longer too and I was glad and grateful that he was there to keep an eye on them.

So between the age of 55 and 70 she had my brother at home and I was off exploring! Dementia reared its ugly head when she was about 78.

I am just grateful that I saw the world and sowed my wild oats when I could, so I don't resent my brother at all, I know which life I'd rather have had. And I'm quite sure you feel the same regarding that, Pear Trees!