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Mum now loves her day care and doesn't want to come home

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Morning everyone
I posted a couple of weeks ago about my mum not wanting to go to day care. We'd found a lovely home she really liked which I was happy with too. No permanent spaces but she's on the waiting list. After a couple of visits she said she no longer wanted to go which threw me completely as they are happy to have her at the weekends too and I'd arranged to go and visit my son, booking her in for a couple of days, transport all arranged, carers picking her up at the end of the day and bringing her home etc. 2 days later she said she loved it and wanted to sleep there. She calls it "the school". Says she has a job there and I gather she helps a lot of the others residents.
The problem is now she's starting to think her own home isn't home. She had a particularly bad sundowning episode last night, rang me several times asking why I'd put her there ( her own home) and she wanted to go back to her own home ( the care home) At one point she said if I didn't do anything she'd ring the police and report me and "kick up a real stink!!!" Has anyone else had this problem?
My worry is now that unless we can get her a bed there soon, she's going to hit a crisis and we'll have to send her somewhere else which she'll hate. She loves it so much I'm now sending her for 3 days. The days she doesn't go are the worst. She calls me and says she wants to go there, even rings the home!!! But I don't want to stop her going.And we keep asking the home but they have no vacancies at the moment. Mum is about third on the waiting list although they have told us that could change if she goes to day care regularly
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,811
Yorkshire
Hi Debbs3006
now there's a turn up for the books
how great that your mum has taken to the day care so well
and there's the rub!
is it possible for her to go on more days?
maybe you could use her understanding of the situation when she is wanting to 'go home' there by creating an excuse for being in her home - eg her room there is being decorated/something is being repaired so she's been allocated this place (her own home) until that's finished; they've had to go to a 3 day week because of (something) and they'd like her to look after this house on the other days; they're having to fumigate the dormitories so she can't stay at the moment and they found this place instead; her important position means that she gets this house along with the job but if she doesn't like it you'll have a word with her manager and organise a live in room for her ..... tell her you're sorry this is second best but you'll be on to it first thing in the morning
let's hope she can hang on until a there's a vacancy and still loves it as much :)
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Hi Shedrech
Yes I've considered sending her on more days. Transport is a problem some days but I think I may have found a good taxi company who will see her door to door.
I love your advice. Hadn't thought of that to be fair. But its definitely worth a try. Thanks for that. I'm praying there will be a vacancy soon, but obviously theres no guarentee. With this disease you just live day to day and hope you get through

Hi Debbs3006
now there's a turn up for the books
how great that your mum has taken to the day care so well
and there's the rub!
is it possible for her to go on more days?
maybe you could use her understanding of the situation when she is wanting to 'go home' there by creating an excuse for being in her home - eg her room there is being decorated/something is being repaired so she's been allocated this place (her own home) until that's finished; they've had to go to a 3 day week because of (something) and they'd like her to look after this house on the other days; they're having to fumigate the dormitories so she can't stay at the moment and they found this place instead; her important position means that she gets this house along with the job but if she doesn't like it you'll have a word with her manager and organise a live in room for her ..... tell her you're sorry this is second best but you'll be on to it first thing in the morning
let's hope she can hang on until a there's a vacancy and still loves it as much :)
 

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