Mum now in "temporary" respite

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by steve54, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. steve54

    steve54 Registered User

    Nov 30, 2007
    Mum's agitation and wandering got so bad over the last week that her doctor recommended strongly that she be found a place in a care home where she can be kept safe while they assess her long term needs. The doctor got in touch with social services on Wednesday morning and she was supposed to move in the afternoon but it wasn't until Thursday morning that social services found a place for Mum. Even then it wasn't until 5 in the afternoon that we were able to move her and then I had to take her in a wheelchair taxi because social services couldn't provide transport.

    All this came after a stressful Wednesday night when after sitting around all afternoon waiting for a call to take mum to a home I got a call at seven in the evening from her sheltered accommodation manager to say she'd fallen and an ambulance had been called. My wife and I travelled down to be with her, in hospital we thought, but when we arrived the ambulance crew had examined her and decided - rightly - that she didn't need hospitalising. Mum was very restless until her medication kicked in but even then it wasn't safe to leave her alone and I stayed the night sitting in an armchair because there isn't a spare bed or sofa and no change of clothes. God knows how I looked or smelt by the time I got home 24 hours later.

    Anyway I took Mum to the care home where she looked so lost and sad and I just can't stop crying. I'm a bloke we're not supposed to blub, but every time I tell someone what is going on I start again. I know she couldn't stay where she was and that people are trying to keep her safe but are they really the lucky ones who live to an old age?

    So now we wait for an assessment and begin the search for somewhere permanent for her. I just wish she could find peace.

    It breaks my heart to see her this way.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Steve,
    I understand your heartache.
    It`s so upsetting even though you know it`s for the best. Your mother might be unhappy and confused but at least she`s safe, and has a chance of being assessed for the correct medication and care.
    It`s just a horrible stage of life that has to be lived through.
    Take care
    Love xx
  3. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    North Wales
    #3 Cliff, Feb 1, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2008
    Dear Steve,

    Know exactly how you feel.

    Fifteen years ago, I had to do exactly the same with different but similar problems. My mother ended up in a shared room with an unpleasant woman.

    I just had to get out into the fresh air and seek privacy for the same reasons as you.

    It never gets easier but you find how to manage.

    Very best wishes,
  4. poppet

    poppet Registered User

    Aug 3, 2007

    i just wanted you to know that you are obviously a warm and caring person to feel and act like that...well done you for doing what you are doing...stay strong...dont be affraid of crying my experience it is better out than in..

    i wish i could offer more constructive words of advice but the ony time i have had to deal with a relative going into care was with my nana but that happened after a fall followed by dementia...we and she knew this was the best option... as i am sure it is for your mum...good luck

  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello Steve!

    Take've done a lot more for your mum than many would do. It's been a tough time for you and you are entitled to shed a few tears!!

    It must seem as if things will never be sorted out-but they will.
    And until your mum has somewhere more suitable at least she's safe and cared for.

    Don't forget to look after yourself.either!

    Love Gigi x
  6. steve54

    steve54 Registered User

    Nov 30, 2007
    My Mum's doctor called me at work yesterday to say she had struck a member of staff at the care home where she is currently for temporary respite. The doctor has said that she may have to admit Mum to the psychiatric ward at the hospital. This will be while a permanent place is found for her and they tweak her medication.

    We thought she was settling into the home but it seems visits from a friend, her sister and then me unsettled her because she asked each of us to take her home. When I visited she was distressed after going to the toilet and not feeling clean. I summoned help but she refused to let the carers wash her, We tried to persuade her but that is when she became aggressive. She dug her nails into me and even ran (this from a woman who can barely walk!) down the corridor after me. I had to be smuggled out through the kitchen so she couldn't get out.

    I have to look for a permanent home now with the spectre of Mum being readmitted to hospital hanging over her. I'm running on empty at the moment. It seems there is always something. Neither Mum nor me are getting any peace and I can't see a time when things will settle down let alone return to normal.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm sure you have enough troubles of your own.
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Steve,
    I can imagine how bad this made you feel. No-one wants to leave in that way. Your mother sounds so confused and unhappy. Wouldn`t it be wonderful if there really were such things as `happy pills`.

    That`s what TP is for Steve. We all have time for each other.

    Love xx
  8. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Steve,
    I am so sorry to read about your Mum. With all the confusion of several visitors, ambulance etc., I can understand how a person gets stressed out and aggitated.

    My husband is in last stage in E.M.I. Unit and he is 61. Each day I ask God to grant me the strength to get through another day.

    As for a man crying - my husband was once asked who I was by the Consultant and Peter sat and cried and replied a lovely lady who looks after me.

    I wish you and your wife the strength and hopefully your Mum will be settled and well looked after.

    Your Mother would be very proud that she has such a loving caring son.
    I wish you all the best
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #9 Margarita, Feb 7, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008

    I am going to have to say this , don't want to stress you out more, but what kind of care temporary respite home is your mother in ?

    Is it a
    dementia care home ? if so staff are meant to be train to
    handle situation like your mother showing also they
    could be taking into consideration that your mother never had anyone washing her before, the time it take for someone to settle in a Care home after a move .

    Seem that the temporary respite home , is not good . Not your mother .

    We have assessment psychiatric ward only for people with dementia in are area they very good . find out from doctor what type of psychiatric ward it is ? Just in case temporary respite home can not still meet your mother challenging behavior .

    They call dementia assessment wards ( in our area ) they use to be called in the olden days EMI unit within a hospital. My brother was in One till they sorted his Medication out last year .

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