Mum now in a care home

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by steve54, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. steve54

    steve54 Registered User

    Nov 30, 2007
    41
    Leicester/Nottingham
    My Mum finally left hospital today to go into a care home. We had taken her to see the home a couple of weeks ago and she seemed to like it and was looking forward to going. Even when we arrived there today she still seemed happy to be moving into her new home. Then she had contact with a couple of the residents who are in a much more advanced stage of dementia than Mum and her mood changed. She suddenly hated it and didn't want to stay. I explained it was going to be alright but she wasn't convinced. When I left she didn't cry and ask me to take her with me, which is an improvement from her early days in hospital. But I'm not hopeful that she won't be upset the next time I visit her.

    I feel terrible. It's as if it is all starting again. I feel so sorry for her. her dementia doesn't seem that bad to me, a little confused maybe but also quite lucid too. I don't know whether to ask the doctors if she could try going back to the sheltered housing scheme she was in. But then I think that is just me wanting to make things better for Mum and I don't have any idea if that would be a good move or not. I fear that where she is she may not get the stimulation she needs.

    I would love to jack everything in and move with my wife to the coast and spend our days reading books, going for walks and living a life without a care. Perhaps, perhaps.....
     
  2. mollieblue

    mollieblue Registered User

    May 16, 2007
    37
    belfast
    Hi Steve, I feel exactly the same way about my mum too. Her V dementia seemed so much worse at home but when she went into the NH she seemed so well compared to the other residents. It is a problem as it's hard to find someone at a similar stage to mum to be a wee friend for her but you have to remind yourself that she's not fit to be at home on her own anymore and thats why she's living there - safety!
    My mum doesn't like her home either - the people aren't nice she says. (i think she's been shouted at by one wee lady who is confused so thats put her off!)She seems fine when u first arrive but then the gloom descends and she starts to say she wants to go home. I know it's going to be like this for a long time but you just have to make the best of the time you spend with her.

    I think the guilt is inevitable. We can only do what keeps them safe.
    ann x
     
  3. CHESS

    CHESS Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    136
    LANCS.
    Nice thoughts..... dream on!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry, Steve, can't be of any help here, not got to the NH stage yet, but wish you all the best.
     
  4. Short girl

    Short girl Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    60
    Hi

    I do hope that the care home can meet your mum's needs well, she will take time to settle, but hopefully she will with the right TLC and plenty of stimulation - at least you know that she is safe.
    It's quite difficult to know when someone reaches a point when they are no longer safe in their own home - the risk factor is the biggest I guess. My Nan's deterioration has been both mental and physical and I often wonder at what stage would I need to think about 24 hour care, but I will trust my instincts.
    Hope she settles and then you can at least look foward to visiting her.
     
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Steve,

    Placement is very hard and hopefully your mum will pal up with other residents whom she can have meaningful conversations with.

    Stimulation is very important I hope that things go well for your mum, it's still only early days.

    Fingers crossed,

    Love Taffy.
     
  6. metamorphosis

    metamorphosis Registered User

    Apr 10, 2008
    1
    Bedfordshire
    Familiar feelings

    I have just read your posting and it was like being back two years ago when my Mum went into a care home... her choice, small, no dementia patients, ground floor private room ,plenty of activities, only 14 residents. I visit her every week she has stopped wearing her glasses (says she cant see any better with them on) she never looks up when I speak to her, she won't wear her hearing aid, she won't listen to her tapes which she used to love and the only time she is not unhappy is when she is the centre of attention. She has been through some very bad stages of paranoia and delusion which have passed only to be replaced by some other spectre... I no longer try to correct her as she becomes angry. I long like you do to take her home with me and suddenly make her better than she is but I think I am the deluded one. She accuses me of putting her in here and wishes I was here instead of her (she wouldn't put a dog in here) she says. Now the home is beginning to say if she becomes too disruptive she may have to leave.. then what happens to her and me ????:confused::confused:
     

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