I was diagnosed with AD four years ago, my mum has had vascular dementia for 18 years and was taken into hospital from her care home two weeks ago when she was not expected to last the weekend. After 10 days in a frail elderly care ward on a drip for dehydration we were lucky enough to be found a palliative care bed in a small local hospital. Mum weighs less than 5 stones her swallowing mechanism has stopped and her agitation is heart breaking. She flings herself around the bed all the time. And her bed is now surrounded with high bumpers to stop her harming herself she lies in the centre of the nest of cushions yesterday she was at the bottom of the bed so often the wonderful nurses eventually re made the bed so she could stay at that end. She doesn't speak except to scream' No' when anyone touches her for any kind of personal care. Because her liver is failing she tears at her skin because of her itchiness and she has torn lumps out of herself, the doctors have tried so many things to relieve her but nothing has worked There is the odd moment of relief when we can stroke her face or when she clearly responds to us singing to her- something she has always loved but mostly it is hell watching her and feeling so helpless. When I am with her I can concentrate on mum and loving her but when I leave the ward the thought ' your turn next' goes round and round in my head. I have never ever thought it before but yesterday I asked a dear friend if she would take me to Switzerland while I still have capacity. Sorry for this scream of anguish but this is the only place where people can understand.