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Mum not long to go

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Hi everyone. I am looking for a wee bit of advice. As of Saturday mum was diagnosed as end of life care. The past 2 days she has just slept and today is refusing any liquidised food and drink. How long will the home try to feed mum before they just start to administer the end of life drugs and discontinue any attempt to feed or drink? This is a real rollercoaster ride and I'm not enjoying it one bit. Last week mum was up and about although at end stage. I hate this disease!

Thanks everyone. xoxo
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
England
Hi everyone. I am looking for a wee bit of advice. As of Saturday mum was diagnosed as end of life care. The past 2 days she has just slept and today is refusing any liquidised food and drink. How long will the home try to feed mum before they just start to administer the end of life drugs and discontinue any attempt to feed or drink? This is a real rollercoaster ride and I'm not enjoying it one bit. Last week mum was up and about although at end stage. I hate this disease!

Thanks everyone. �� xoxo
FWIW I hate this disease too - with a vengeance.

From my experience with the carers in my mother's Home they are so unwilling to start those 'end-of-life drugs' unless the PWD is obviously in pain. They're so afraid of being accused of 'assisting death', unlike a Hospice.

Even when my mother is 'nil-by-mouth' after a seizure, they wait the bare minimum length of time before starting to get some fluids into her. Often only a couple of hours. Even when she is unconscious they keep her lips moistened with those little sponges.

My mother has twice gone into 'end-of-life care' only to 'recover' after 48 hrs and they never even tried to use the 'just-in-case meds'. They said she didn't demonstrate any obvious signs of distress. But then she's lost the ability to show any facial expression, though there is apparently there a chart to 'show pain'. You have to be very watchful with my mother. Usually I spot a couple of little furrows between the eyebrows which to me indicate she's in pain, but the Home disagrees. :(

But if you mother continues to refuse fluids it could be anywhere between a couple of days and a couple of weeks depending on how much fight she has.

As long as they can get any sort of food (puree or yoghurt) it would be much longer.
 
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Dustycat

Registered User
Jul 14, 2014
215
North East
I have just been through this with my Dad who died yesterday. After refusing food and drink the GP took the decision to withdraw medication. He wasn't on anything life threatening anyway. Drugs were in place for end of life just in case but we didn't need to use them. He died 2 days after withdrawing medication but it's difficult to put a timescale on these things. My thoughts are with you. X

Sent from my SM-T813 using Talking Point mobile app
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
I have just been through this with my Dad who died yesterday. After refusing food and drink the GP took the decision to withdraw medication. He wasn't on anything life threatening anyway. Drugs were in place for end of life just in case but we didn't need to use them. He died 2 days after withdrawing medication but it's difficult to put a timescale on these things. My thoughts are with you. X

Sent from my SM-T813 using Talking Point mobile app
I am so sorry about your dad. Thanks for replying to me when you are so soon after loosing your loved one. My thoughts are also with you. xoxo
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Hi Linda, end of life drugs are only administered when they are required, eg if there is a build up of excess mucus or pain relief if required. My Dad did not require end of life drugs at all. I questioned this all the time, but the nurse said as he was peaceful he didn't need them. To be fair he was peaceful. It's horrible going through this, you feel helpless.

In terms of food, the home actually stopped feeding him as the doctor said so because he was choking so bad, he was given thickened fluid though, offered regularly. Even on the day he died he still wanted fluid. So sad

Stay strong x
 
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cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
My late Mum actually ate and drank until the last couple of days, mainly liquids though, soup etc. She had EOL drugs available and they were used for a couple of days approximately 7 days before she left this earth. During her last couple of days she slept for the bulk. She was turned and cleaned and she had mouth care administered, but the drugs were not needed as she gave no grunts or groans and tbh the faces she pulled wre mainly down to wind!

There is no rhyme nor reason to this stage. All you can do is sit and wait for the time to be right.

Thinking of you....Maureen.x
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
My late Mum actually ate and drank until the last couple of days, mainly liquids though, soup etc. She had EOL drugs available and they were used for a couple of days approximately 7 days before she left this earth. During her last couple of days she slept for the bulk. She was turned and cleaned and she had mouth care administered, but the drugs were not needed as she gave no grunts or groans and tbh the faces she pulled wre mainly down to wind!

There is no rhyme nor reason to this stage. All you can do is sit and wait for the time to be right.

Thinking of you....Maureen.x
Thanks Maureen for your help and advice it's much appreciated.

Mum now hasn't had any food or drink now for a few days. She was pursing her lips shut so they knew it was time to stop trying. Yesterday they gave mum some morphine as she was getting quite anxious even in her sleep. Once that was administered she slept soundly. It's just a waiting game now really. I think mum may be subconsciously waiting until Monday 16th as that's the anniversary of dad's passing. xoxo
 

lexie1968

Registered User
Nov 1, 2013
17
Sorry to hear that Linda. It is a roller coaster that we are on too, and I'm dreading the end of the ride.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,827
69
Dundee
I'm so sorry to read your news Linda. I'm glad you were with your mum at the end. Sending my condolences.