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Mum needs support as carer for dad, I live opposite end of country

Lynave

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
3
0
Hi my parents live up north my sister and I both live on south coast with our families dad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's (January 2013) although we believe it started lot earlier having looked after his mum with it we are aware of how difficult it is and how it will get worse, however lately dad has been very verbally abusive towards mum several times daily which is now becoming a problem as in upsetting her, my concern is her health is now starting to suffer under investigation for high bp, my sister and I phone daily and my brother who lives local sees them as often as possible, unfortunately they do not have internet access so she cannot access this type of support,they do get out almost daily for walks and lunches out but his mood swings often spoil these now.does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can help from so far away it's bad enough having dad the way he is now we don't want mum ill too. We do try and visit as often as we can work commitments make it difficult to do as often as we would like. Any advice would be welcomed.
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
0
North East
You can help by first stop beating yourselves up. You are there as much as you can be and the phone calls will also help too.
The stress your mum is under won't help her BP. I take it her GP is aware and is treating this?
Read this forum, you will pick up loads of ideas and advice. It's great.
Things you can do in the future or now if required is to encourage mum to get some support. Have an assessment with a social worker to see what is needed at that time. Is he getting carers allowance? Has power of attorney been sorted out yet?
As for him being verbally aggressive, does your mum manage him so that she can escape if he becomes physically aggressive? (Remember this is the illness not your dad)
I hope some of this helps. Do keep posting and reading here, I have found no end of comfort.
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Hi and welcome to TP

Sorry to hear you sad situation. Its not easy, not easy at all

Have they tried carer's support uk? have they phoned the Alzheimer's' Society? Your mum needs all the support she can from whatever agencies she can. What about a carer's assessment for her, attendance allowance, council tax reduction

Please keep posting as there are lots of ones who care from afar and will come along with much advice/suggestions and you will make lots of friends on here

It has been a life line for me
 

Lynave

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
3
0
Hi again

Thank you for your idea and suggestions I am going up to see them at the end of the month to try and sort some extra support, at present they are not on any sort of carers allowance or even registered as a carer, they have sorted finances etc and he has been referred to another gp who specialises in Alzheimer's, thankfully at present if there's a problem my mum finds he won't adhere to they ring me and he listens to me (he is insulin dependent diabetic and often tries to alter dose himself) I will be seeing his gp when I'm up there too. Sad thing is we watched and cared for his mum with the same disease so we know what is coming, it won't be all doom and gloom however my dad is still there somewhere and we will be having a nice day out too and some family time :) thanks for support guys