Mum near end....
- Thread starter Salli
- Start date
I am so sorry that your mother finally lost her battle but glad that she is now at peace and free from any pain. My sincere condolences. X
Really sorry to read about your mum, Salli. hope you are doing ok.
I have to say I can't understand your brother at all...ok, it can't have been pleasant to see your mum like that, but to not even give YOU some support is really bad. I'm afraid this pretty much sums up my siblings, too. My expectations are pretty low for help from mine when the time comes.
Sending you a big hug.
LB xx
I have to say I can't understand your brother at all...ok, it can't have been pleasant to see your mum like that, but to not even give YOU some support is really bad. I'm afraid this pretty much sums up my siblings, too. My expectations are pretty low for help from mine when the time comes.
Sending you a big hug.
LB xx
I have given mum 20 years of solid care, sister who didn't get on with her came back a year ago and tried to take over. It is becoming impossible with all of the irrational, violent and abusive outbursts to be there now she has dementia. The previous 20 years of caring for her without any support from my siblings does count though. If he hasn't been there for just one year doesn't write him off, dementia doesn't work like that sadly.
Sadly with dementia the sufferer can turn against the person who gave the most for their full life for those who gave the least in their last year. This sadly has happened in my family.
I am not saying in this family it is the case, just putting an anecdote for people not to rush to judgement on people who have been unable to stay in contact for a dementia patients final months.
I fully understand your point, completely sympathise, and agree it's all very difficult, and family dynamics also play an important part. I hope I didn't offend you. However, I really don't understand siblings not supporting each other at such tough times - this support could be by different methods, if more appropriate. Perhaps it's my own personal battle really, and I guess that's what I'm commenting on, really. In my experience, lack of emotional support from siblings is very tough to live with at these sorts of times.
LB xx
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I totally agree that lack of sibling support is devastating. My sister who had a dysfunctional relationship with my mother for all of her adult life tried to put all of that dysfunctionality right in the last year by trying to make her relationship with me, her only carer for 20 years all but impossible. I am on the point of walking away as the abuse she throws at me I can just about deal with my when she hurts my son I have to protect him too.
All I am thinking is that the relationship for the whole of the life counts for as much as the relationship for the end of the life, when dementia has really changed the person we once loved beyond all recognition.
I would only urge people who are reading this to consider the whole life not just the end of life when the person has lost all some or a part of their mental capacity, when people like me who have given their all for decades are abused, attacked, insulted and threatened.
Dementia is not easy. The last years are not easy,
Thank you everyone for your kind words, much appreciated.
In this family it definitely is not the case. I was always the carer and my brother an 'invisible' - and not just towards end of her life. My son took time off work, unpaid, after mum died to help me sort things, remove her stuff from the home, get death cert etc as I have no transport. My brother should have done this, like he should have taken on some of the stress of mum's final days. I consider it duty and nothing to do with being 'unable'. I never heard from him for over a week after I had given him the news, and then he rang to ask about inheritance and bank accounts.
Anyway, a new chapter in life is starting for me now which will take a bit of getting used to. I have learnt a lot over the past eighteen months, and maybe I'll pop back to TP now and then to see if I can be of use to anyone. Thank you again.
In this family it definitely is not the case. I was always the carer and my brother an 'invisible' - and not just towards end of her life. My son took time off work, unpaid, after mum died to help me sort things, remove her stuff from the home, get death cert etc as I have no transport. My brother should have done this, like he should have taken on some of the stress of mum's final days. I consider it duty and nothing to do with being 'unable'. I never heard from him for over a week after I had given him the news, and then he rang to ask about inheritance and bank accounts.
Anyway, a new chapter in life is starting for me now which will take a bit of getting used to. I have learnt a lot over the past eighteen months, and maybe I'll pop back to TP now and then to see if I can be of use to anyone. Thank you again.
I am so glad you have found a sort of peace and contentment - I too found that organising a funeral was cathartic. You did your duty, you were a good daughter and that has to be a comfort. Do come back to the forum from time to time to give advice and comfort others. Wish you all the best
