Mum mum has Vascular Dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by dflame, Jan 15, 2016.

  1. dflame

    dflame Registered User

    Jan 15, 2016
    5
    #1 dflame, Jan 15, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2016
    My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia in February 2013. Up until now my mum has not been that bad with the condition. But on new years eve my dad died of a stroke and since then she has got worse. She keeps forgetting that he is dead and keeps asking me where he is. This goes on for 10 to 20 mins at a time and can happen 5 to 6 times a day. She has also started to see things that are not there and forgets who I am. Do you think that my mum will get better after my dads funeral or will she now start to get worse. I am not working at the min and do not know what to do about my job. Have been my mum and dads full time carer for the last 7 years and have also managed to keep a full time job on nights 4 on 4 off. She says that if she had to go into a care home she would commit suicide. Finding it hard at the moment.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    hello there!
    All the things you mention are fairly typical of vascular dementia and it never gets 'better' although some days are better than others and certainly if your mum is grieving and has lost her life long partner and anchor and is waiting for the funeral then her stress levels are going to be very high and the symptoms may be worse at the moment.

    She keeps asking because she misses him so much, she forgets she has asked but she knows she has lost someone precious and her mind is fuzzy.

    In general this leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

    Do have a look at it
    http://www.ocagingservicescollaborat...y-Impaired.pdf

    Now she is going to be on her own it might be a good time to look for a day centre for her - you can call it a lunch club and she might be quite resistant but a lot of us have found that regular attendance at a day centre prolongs the time that our loved ones can live independently for and keeps our sanity.

    Do ask questions, there's lots of support on here. I'm so sorry you have both suffered a great loss recently - be kind to yourself too xxx
     
  3. dflame

    dflame Registered User

    Jan 15, 2016
    5
    Thank you very much fizzie

    Will have a look at the leaflet. Will look into a day centre for my mum and see if I can change my shifts and go on days. Thank you for your kind words.
     
  4. dflame

    dflame Registered User

    Jan 15, 2016
    5
    Just read leaflet

    Just read leaflet and thanks very helpful. The Don't remind them that they forget is something I have not been doing. So that is going to be a good start for me anyway. Thanks a lot!!!!!!
     
  5. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Hi Dflame, Welcome to TP.
    I'm sorry to hear you have lost your Dad, it must be so hard for you especially when Mum keeps asking where he is.
    If telling Mum the truth about your Dad upsets her, it might be better for you not tell her the truth, I know this won't be easy for you either, we call them love lies .
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Social services adult care services duty desk can help you - it might be worth having an assessment too. You can have a carers assessment to give you some sitting hours free - useful if you work

    If you are not already getting it do apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day and write down the help that is needed (not the help that they get at the moment but what would be ideal for what they NEED). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask Age UK are really good at helping with assessing what benefits you can claim and then they also help you fill in the forms - someone will come to your house. Age UK are also very good at practical advice and help - Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.

    I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee - lots of friendship and support face to face and everyone in the same boat.

    The other thing is that most day centres offer transport and we used to manage (I worked ) with a carer coming in to do the morning help and then the transport picked mum up and brought her home about 3. Useful- she had company and I didn't have to worry x
     
  7. dflame

    dflame Registered User

    Jan 15, 2016
    5
    Thanks fizzie. I am going to look into it today and sort out what I can do. Have picked up form to claim attendance allowance.
     
  8. dflame

    dflame Registered User

    Jan 15, 2016
    5
    Thanks

    She can not remember him as of today so have avoided the topic. My mum seems to get worse in the evening after 5 oclock. A nice lady I was speaking to in America said she has sundowning syndrome which is another part of the disease. So much to learn and understand but will get there!!! Keep well and thanks for your kind words!!!
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,687
    Female
    Dundee
    Some time ago Barry, one of the TP members, wrote this about his experience of sundowning. Sadly Barry passed away recently but I know he wouldn't have minded me sharing his advice -

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?70397-Some-Sundowning-Tips-to-ease-the-anxiety
     

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