Mum, Me and my Conscience!

[Jackie]

Hi,

I live in Kent, commute 5 days a week into London, and my mum is in Devon, and I did visit every other month, but I have not been to visit since Jan. The reason because "I just cant!"

To me my mum has already died, the 'shell' that I visit does not know who I am, and all my feelings and emotions are shut down, the thought of driving 5 hours just to get there and then another 5 hours to get home fills me with dread.....

Perhaps if I was single and did not have my own family then things may be different and I may have moved to Devon, why do not move Mum close to me she has a freind that sees her everyday and the home is fantastic..........

Everyday she is in my thoughts, everyday I check this site for new information to try and help in any other way, everyday the fact that I can not force myself to visit her at the moment is on my conscience. 24/7 she is in my thoughts but as selfish as it may seem I NEED TIME FOR ME & MY LIFE TOO ..........

I know I will visit her soon, but just not yet!

 

[Brucie]

Hi Jackie

Don't beat yourself up about this.

Such a journey is clearly impractical on a very regular basis and you are quite correct - you do have your own life to lead, you have a job, and a family that needs you.

Sometimes circumstances mean that we can't do what we might otherwise do. A fact of life.

 

[Jackie]

Hi Bruce,


Thanks for your support.

I have a wonderful supportive husband who tells me the same all the time, but my conscience tells me otherwise!

Her freind visits her practically every day, as he is 5 mins away, and is retired, which makes me feel better.

For me its getting harder to go and visit, and maybe the day will come when I will stop altogether or perhaps this is just a stage that I need to go through...........

I guess only time will tell

 

[emscub]

Hi Jackie,

I have to say I agree with Bruce. If sounds as though it is clearly not practical for you to go and visit, therefore you should not beat yourself up about this. If and when you want to go you will. I don't think we should spend our lives feeling as though we owe something to someone else. You are right. You have your own life now and other people that need your time and attention and as long as that is the case you seem to have your priorities straight.

If you don't want to go, then you shouldn't - you'll only end up feeling resentful of the time it takes you to travel there and back and other things. Only when you want to go should you go. Others may think me selfish but that's my opinion.

 

[Jackie]

Hi Emma,

Thank you for taking the time to respond, I guess this subject is quite a sensitive subject, as the majority of people who visit this site must have someone close to them that have this cruel illness.

Some people will think that I am being totally selfish as she is my mum and as her daughter I have a duty to visit, as she was the person who brought me into this world........and some will think the same as yourself and Brucie.

I guess the illness effects us emotionally all in the same way but we can only learn to deal with it in our own individual way whether to any one else's opinion we are handling it right or wrongly.....