1. Nixi

    Nixi Registered User

    Jan 7, 2007
    3
    London
    Hi, I have just found this site and feel compelled to join in...quite frankly I am getting to the point where I don't know which way to turn. Mum's memory problems took a turn for the worse about 2 years ago after the tragic loss of my neice. She was in complete denial of her problem at first but now seems to be more accepting. Having said that, she will not co-operate with myself or my sister and can be very argumentative. Also, she loves to be out and about and invariably ends up in a pub or wine bar. She must lose track of what she is drinking and I often get calls from various establishments asking me to come and collect her. The other thing is, she is still driving and she will not stop. There is more to all of this but it is late. I just wanted to get some advice from people who know and understand the problem. It is amazing how all of her so called friends...and family for that matter have gradually backed off because they can't hack it. I know that she can be exhasperating but this problem seems to be growing and I don't think that any of us can turn our backs.

    Thanks for listening.
    Nixi :confused:
     
  2. Jillian

    Jillian Registered User

    Dec 26, 2006
    7
    Sevenoaks
    Hi

    How I sympathise with you. I think my mum's going that way. She can't remember taking pills, drinking alcohol etc etc. It's an awful disease and one which we all know, won't get any better. I think its the beginning part which is awful when they're in denial of their problem. My mum thinks her memory's as good as it always was, and like everyone else on this site, I'm at a loss to know where it will all finish. That's almost as bad as where we are at the moment, the not knowing. The present, though, is horrible too, as I never know from one hour to another whether or not I'm going to get another call from someone who's seen her somewhere or other, and feels she needs help. I can't be with her all the time, she's in sheltered accommodation, but we can all only do our very best. What else is there?

    All the best to you

    Jillian
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Nixi

    welcome to TP.

    You don't say whether your mum has been formally diagnosed with a form of dementia. Has she been through the GP, and consultants to get that?
     
  4. Nixi

    Nixi Registered User

    Jan 7, 2007
    3
    London
    Thank you for advice

    Hi Brucie and Jillian
    Thank you for taking the time to reply.
    Mum was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago and prescribed Aricept, which to be honest, don't seem to do very much for her. Although she was diagnosed with dementia after some blood tests and cognitive assessment, it was thought that she was still very capable and they (the memory clinic) discharged her. Aricept were prescribed by her GP after recommendation from the clinic. About 6months ago, I decided that I was not happy with the way things were going....again, I need to write it all down but cannot right now...and requested another appointment. I have been amazed that her GP seems to be unable to comprehend that there is anything going on with Mum. I go to the Drs with her and it is like I am telling tales. Anyway this other appointment was made and the first question the Dr asked Mum was ' Why had she requested to see her?' and this was from someone working in a memory clinic! Of course, I end up doing all the talking and all the while feel like some kind of executioner. At the end of the meeting the Dr said that they would arrange for a CT scan and that Mum probably had Alzheimers. At the moment she is at 23 points and still classed as mild. I need to chase up the CT scan.
    Today I have arranged for her car to be taken away. I feel awful about that.

    I will continue with this later, thank you once again. Also, Jillian I understand exactly what you are going through too. My mum loves to be out and hates being in which is another issue...it sounds as though your Mum is the same.

    Kind regards
    Nixi
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    I have been thinking about this drinking thing as my mother also likes a tipple, although she is essentially immobile so only gets one if someone gives it to her! I do wonder if you feel slightly (or more than slightly) confused all the time if feeling confused because of alcohol is a welcome relief, and possible takes you back to time when the effects would wear off and you wouldn't be confused, if you see what I mean. Of course, I'm sure that the inability to remember exactly how much you've had is probably the prime factor in this.

    Jennifer
     
  6. Jillian

    Jillian Registered User

    Dec 26, 2006
    7
    Sevenoaks
    Hi,thanks for replying

    I know exactly the confusion you feel. One moment I think I can cope, the next I'm at my wits end asking myself so many questions and, at times, staying awake for long periods trying to find the best route for her. Is there one? I don't know. Mum is under the Memory Clinic who believe she's 'quite good for her age'. She's clearly not. They see her for a snapshot moment in time. It's like someone holding their breath and then letting it go as soon as the other's back is turned. The clinic have no idea about the total confusion she finds herself in.

    It's so good to know that someone else understands. In fact, I think we all do on this site.

    Hear from you again I hope.

    All the best

    Jillian
     
  7. Jillian

    Jillian Registered User

    Dec 26, 2006
    7
    Sevenoaks
    Hi Nixi

    Oh do join in. It's quite cathartic, although sometimes I start to type and then I either go on and on, or dry up altogether as there's so much to say.

    I can sympathise with all that you have said. Has she been to the doctor? I phoned the dr first telling her the probs and then told mum she needed to see her to take her blood pressure, otherwise mum wouldn't have gone. This might be a good way into assessment.

    Hope to hear from you again

    All the best

    Jillian




     
  8. Jillian

    Jillian Registered User

    Dec 26, 2006
    7
    Sevenoaks
    It's me again

    Sorry, I think I replied to your previous message just now and have read your new link.

    My mum has Aricept and seems to have done nothing at all. The memory clinic think she's good for her age etc etc. I seem to be constantly contradicting what mum is saying when we're both there and like you, appear to be the awful daughter trying to get her committed. They see mum for 15 mins. per 3 months. How can they possibly know what a problem it all is when mum tells them that she washes, cleans the flat, shops, eats and changes her clothes. She does none of these now. Isn't it awful.

    One thing which did help, and I've no idea why, is that the clinic gave me a small paperback book (now with my brother so I do not have the title I'm afraid) which described exactly what my mum is and does. It almost said to me that it was OK to be how I was, which I did have a problem with.

    The other thing which helped is that in the book, it said, keep your sense of humour. Difficult thing to do, but when I recall some bits to my children it's easier to laugh about them than cry. Whether you laugh or cry, things don't change. (Oh how I wish I could take my own advice sometimes)

    Hear from you soon Nixi

    All the best, Jillian

     
  9. Jillian

    Jillian Registered User

    Dec 26, 2006
    7
    Sevenoaks
    Hi

    Yes, mum has been diagnosed and attends the Memory Clinic who thing she's 'good for her age, you know'!!! She's dreadful. She seems to want to impress so tells them that she washes, wears clean clothes, cooks, cleans the flat, buys her own food etc. She does none of these and can bearly remember what the day is at times. She will call me constantly in a single day asking 'what's happening today'. Mum has Aricept which seems to be doing nothing for her wellbeing, but how would I know.

    I do hope you are coping with your problems. It is a hell of life sometimes, but one of the things that did help was a booklet from the Memory Clinic on Alzheimers and Dementia. All the quotes and scenarios written applied to mum and me, also a sense of humour is probably a good thing to keep. Sometimes the most difficult thing to do.

    All the best, and thanks for replying.

    Hope to hear from you again

    Jillian


     
  10. Pol

    Pol Registered User

    Feb 1, 2007
    2
    Manchester
    Hi

    This sounds so much like my partnern.
    After a long illness (cancer), liking a drink for many years.
    Then having a siezier and addmitted to ICU and a long stay in hospital. He was finally diagnosed with Korsakoff Syndrome a form of dementure which is short term memory loss.
    He was acting just the same not listening and doing just as he pleased, I hated having to go to a pub to find him(asleep).
    It was sole distroying and I was at my wits end...
    For me his body gave out and help was presented to me by the hospital.
    You could get help please see your GP before its too late !!! They never addmit to wanting help.
    My best wishes and good luck, you can only try.
    Pol xxx
     

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