Mum keeps falling - new to Talking Point

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Earth Angel 123, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Earth Angel 123

    Earth Angel 123 Registered User

    Mar 10, 2017
    Hi There,

    I am new to this forum. My Mum who is in the moderate to advanced stage of mixed dementia ( Alzheimer's & Vascular dementia) has been having a lot of falls. My Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2014. My mum has been living on her own since my Dad passed away in 2008. I live in the USA and have been there since 2004, I am a only child and I carry a lot of guilt. I come home to the UK 3 / 4 times a year to visit my Mum and spend time with her. I have put together a care package with Social Services and up to this point at the beginning of October 2018 everything was going fine. I have had camera's installed in my Mum's home and I am able to speak to her through them. I am my mother's Power of Attorney for Health & Finances. I do her food shopping on line and have carers come to put that away for her. I have a cleaner and a lady come and do the washing and Ironing as well. I have a carer take her out on a Social visit on a Friday for four hours which she loves. Everything was good until 1st October 2018.
    On October 1st my Mum fell at home and fractured her Femur neck on her hip. She was taken to A & E and was operated on with Dynamic Hip Screw. She was then sent to the Community Hospital for Rehabilitation. At first she was doing good and they had her walk 5 m on the parallel bars but then they did not try her again they just got her to stand on a rotunda and transfer to a wheelchair. When I questioned this they told me she had been struggling but I had witnessed her doing it very well. The hospital decided to discharge my Mum after three weeks even though I pleaded with them that it was too early reminded them that she would forget the operation with having the dementia and try and stand and walk and fall again. The Social worker said that they cannot stop falls and she has to go home to try and see how things go. I was disgusted. My Mum came home on the Tuesday her carers started back. Two carers, four times a day. Shew was told that between calls if she needed the toilet she would have to do it in her pants ( Tena Lady) until the next carer came to change her. At night she was put to bed at about 9.15 pm and had to stay in bed until about 9 am the next morning and do whatever she had to do again in her pants and the carers would clean her when they came. Her dignity was taken!!!
    On the Thursday two days after leaving hospital she fell again and was taken to A & E and fortunately had not broken anything after the had done the x rays. I spoke at great length with the Doctor who admitted her to the Emergency Assessment Unit to be further assessed as she also thought that she should not have been discharged. I extended my flight and am staying until 25th November to fight my Mum's corner. I am totally beside myself with worry as I am a only child and I love her very much. After Mum was assessed she was sent to a care home for two weeks respite. I go and be with her every day and we are waiting for a Social worker to come to assess if they are going to send my Mum back home which they can do or if they decide that she needs long term care. I am so frightened of them sending her back home because I know she will fall again as she is not capable of walking. Has anyone got any good advice as I am at my wits end.
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Earth Angel 123, what a sad tale. I feel so sorry that your Mum should be treated that way.

    May I suggest that a plan of action might start with a discussion with the experts on the help line as they may be able to guide you through the system. The help line details are

    National Dementia Helpline
    0300 222 11 22
    Our helpline advisers are here for you.
    Helpline opening hours:
    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Hi @Earth Angel 123 I am so sorry that you and your mum are having such a difficult time. It must be very hard for you to live so far away, especially when there's a crisis like this. You have evidently worked very hard to keep your mum as safe as possible up to now, and have put a lot into her care. You must feel torn between your life in the USA, and caring for your mum here.
    In the current situation, a lot depends on the social worker's assessment, which thankfully is planned to start soon. The other issue involves your mum's financial situation. If she owns her own home, or has substantial savings, then it's more feasible for you to make independent arrangements for a care home of your choice. If she doesn't, then you have to stand your ground and clearly state that you don't feel your mum is safe at home. There should then be full assessments from a range of professionals, including, I hope, an occupational therapist as well as the social worker.
    You're in such a difficult situation and I hope things work out. Let us know how you get on?
    All the best
    Lindy xx
  4. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    Hello @earth welcome to TP it must be so difficult to be caring from so far away..
    As @karaokePete says suggests while you are here maybe the helpline is a good place to start
  5. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    Hi. If your mother will be self funding and you have POA you can choose an independent social worker who can advise you, assess your mother's needs ans mental capacity and find a suitable care home.
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    This all sounds familiar unfortunately. My MIL was managing at home with carers until Aug when she fell and went into hospital. She was sent home but went back in as a failed discharge after suffering from another fall. Hubbie and I made the decision that MIL would be going into residential care. I didn't bother with social services throughout the process as MIL was self funding. We just organised it ourselves. This made it a lot quicker and we found a care home in a week
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    It sounds as if residential care is now needed. It's quite likely that falls will continue, since unless you pay a lot extra for one to one care, staff will never be able to watch her every single minute - but at least there will always be help on hand very quickly. If she would be self funded you can arrange this yourself - a major matter, I know, especially if there's a house that would need to be sold.

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