So after an unplanned hospital stay of 6 weeks (all over Christmas), my mum was moved into a nursing home last Monday and is not happy to say the least. I've visited four times, the whole family have visited during this time. She now has all her own clothes to wear instead of pjs all day. She has a tv, family photos in her room, her own personal tuck shop etc. When in the lounges, which is most of the day, she has a constant supply of food, drinks, snacks etc. There are staff to talk to, people to be with. There are 2 big tvs to watch, movies on etc. Weekly hairdresser, sometimes activities. Staff told me how much fun she's been having, how she makes them all laugh. Tells off the other residents etc. Then I go in and it's all tears. When am I coming home etc, I can look after myself etc. Weds evening was 2 and a half hours of crying. But today was even worse....
You expect me to die here don't you?!
You don't want me any more!
Why can't I come home for just a weekend?!
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here!
I don't want to die here!
In the end I felt that my being there was only continuing her misery, so after 2 painful hours, I left. That just set her off wailing and the staff had to stop her following me as she's was on her feet crying out for me. Needless to say I left in tears again. I felt really mean leaving her like that. I'd tried to leave a couple of times but she didn't want me to, but when I sat down again she just carried on getting more and more upset and constantly saying she wants to commit suicide. So I felt it would be better for her if I left as the tea trolley arrived and maybe she would settle again. Driving off I felt really mean. How could I leave my mum in tears like that. I'm a bad person.
But if she gets upset when I visit, should I just not visit for a week or two, and see if she settles down??? The staff told me she was settling, but I get a distraught person who says someone has attacked her in her room (they didn't, the staff checked the cctv and there are pressure pads under the carpet), that she wants to commit suicide, and that she doesn't want to die here.
AM I MAKING IT WORSE BY VISITING??? Should I leave her alone for a while? Would that help? Great aunt and my gran will still visit once or twice a week, but they seem to get ok visits with just weeping when they leave. I get crying and wailing through the whole visit, so perhaps if I don't go she won't get so upset???
I just don't know what to do.