mum is very ill


Registered User
Jan 15, 2007
Mum was admitted into hospital 2 days ago with a very bad chest infection and antibiotics have not worked, so it has been agreed with a very heavy heart not to give her anymore treatment we have agreed for them to keep her hydrated with some some fluids and keep dignity at all times and as comfortable as possible but with no more interventions. Somebody please tell me I have done the right thing she has suffered so much this past year.



Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
lindaj said:
Somebody please tell me I have done the right thing she has suffered so much this past year.

Absolutely Linda. The decision you have made is one of love for your mother. Nobody wants to see a loved one suffer.

Thinking of you, your mother and your family.

Sue xx


Registered User
Jan 15, 2007
Thankyou so much, mum has been in and out of hospital so many times this past year with infections, it has made her dementia so much worse now. But her suffering will now soon be over.


Registered User
Feb 26, 2007
north yorkshire

Linda you have done the right thing for your Mum, God Bless and stay strong for her sake, she would have wanted this of you am sure,

My thoughts are with you . Lizbet


Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
Cambridgeshire UK
I agree too Linda, you have been very strong. We did the same with my Dad 2 years ago. He didn't have dementia but was very ill and we didn't want him to have to drag on as he was. I'm sure your Mum would have wanted this too.

Take care,

Love Sue

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Oh Linda, I`m so sorry.

I`m sure you have done the right thing.

I`m sure you thought this through beforehand, and now the time is right. It doesn`t mean however it isn`t an extremely painful decision, but you must know in your heart it is best for your mother.

Take care of yourself. The days ahead will be an ordeal, but so have the years that have passed.

love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Linda, I'm so sorry that your mum is so ill. It's a terrible decision to have to make. I made it for my mum, and I've never regretted it, though it was hard at the time.

Be assured that you have done the right thing. Your mum has suffered enough, and there is really no way back from a chest infection in her condition. The doctors know that, otherwise they would be obliged to continue treatment.

Your mum will be kept comfortable, and she will have a peaceful end, which might otherwise not have been the case.

Keep us posted.

Love and hugs,


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
hi linda

i was in a similar position to you with my dad less than a year ago (except i had to decide as well whether to have dad admitted to hospital or stay in the nursing home). its a horrid decision to make and a horrid responsibility to have.

but: if they treat the infection more, or even get rid of it, it won't take the dementia and other problems away. the chances are that if this infection doesn't take mum, the next one will. hospital treatment is unpleasant at the best of times, but when you don't understand what's being done or why it's terribly frightening.

if you've any doubt, talk to the staff or mum's GP again. but i imagine they'll say you've made the right decision.

try to make the time as good as it can be. spend time with mum (if you can bear it), say anything you need to say to her (even if you don't think she can hear or understand). give her her favourite things or play favourite music (even if you don't think she's aware of them) ..

....... and above all ........ take care of yourself.


Registered User
May 7, 2007
north yorkshire
Hello Linda

I can`t offer anything that can help you feel better but just want to say I feel for you and wish you the strength and the love from all around you to make this sad time as possible to cope with as it can be .

Love Jeanie x


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Linda,
You have made the right decision - the decision is based on your love for her. In my opinion, a more selfish decision would be to prolong her life because you could not bear to lose her. This would be perfectly understandable too, but I think you have been selfless in your decision. I am thinking of you and your family and hope the end for your Mum is peaceful and without pain. Stay strong and take care of yourself too.

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
Dear Linda,

Just to add my support too, you have definitely made the right decision I feel, and my thoughts are so much with you. We all want the best for our loved ones and giving her peace and dignity are surely the right thing to do.

Love xx


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Sorry to read what is happening to your mother , One of life most hardest decision to make I know .

As I had to make a decision like that last December 06
cry if u want to , Stay strong
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Registered User
May 19, 2006
Dear Linda,
I'm so sorry to hear your mum is so ill. My uncle and cousin made the decision for my aunty which you have made for your mum. I was there when they spoke to the doc and it was one of the most heart-wrenching things I've had to witness. But Aunty Jean was peaceful and comfortable and slipped away four days later. I couldn't be there for that, but I saw her the last time 2 days before she died. She wouldn't have recovered even if she had rallied from the the chest infection. She suffered from stroke induced VD(started in 2001) and had had a massive brain haemorrhage in July last year, no speech, right side paralysed, doubly incontinent, on a feeding tube.
I'm sure you made the right decision even though it's so very, very difficult.
Thinking of you and yours and wishing you all peace and comfort. My heart goes out to you.


Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
Dear Linda

I understand how you feel, my Dad was in the same position as Tina's auntie, we had to make the same decision and, yes, it was the right one.

If your Mum were to recover, what quality of life would she have?

In my opinion this is her time to go and be free of this cruel disease, be with her as much as you can, tell her again how much you love her and thank her for all she has done for you all, let her go with all the love you have for her.

Thinking of you and your family at this awful time.



Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Hi Linda
A very sad time for you and your family right now my thoughts go out to you all. Seven years ago my husband and I were in the very same situation with his mother, very heart wrenching indeed, her ending was very peaceful and without any regrets, to have prolonged her life would have only put her through more misery. Linda your decision was the right one. Take Care Taffy.


Registered User
Jul 6, 2006

This was a decision we faced with my Dad. Like you, at the time we made it, we wondered if it was the right thing.

On reflection I can say that we made the right decision. In my Dad's case he was seriously ill with AD and it was explained that there was a high chance of reinfection as he was not chewing or swallowing properly. He was made comfortable and we all told him how much we loved him. He did not seem aware but we talked to him over the two days.

In my opinion it is surely right to preserve life and carers do that daily to the limits of their endurance. It is also my opinion that, as part of caring, we have to recognise the point when we are not preserving life but prolonging suffering.

You have acted out of love for your Mum and made the correct judgement.

God bless to you and your family at this awful time.



Registered User
Apr 3, 2006

I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you at this very difficult time. You are making the right decision, your love for your Mum confirms this. Take heart that you are able to allow her the dignity that she deserves and most of all give her that powerful love that you have for her... she will feel it I'm sure.

My thoughts are with you.