Mum is so low without dad

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Pixie, Apr 23, 2006.

  1. Pixie

    Pixie Registered User

    Apr 23, 2006
    4
    Gloucestershire
    #1 Pixie, Apr 23, 2006
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2006
    Can someone help me please. I need advice on how to deal with my mum who is missing my dad terribly. They have been married for well over 60 years. Dad is in an assessment unit and mum is finding it very difficult being without him. She only wants him back home but until his condition is stable he has to stay where he is. The only trouble is that mum is really missing him although it was not easy when he was at home. How can I cheer mum up when she is so low that she has even told us "I don't want to live without him" Everytime she visits she comes home and breaks down but the next day has forgotten and wants to visit and we go through the same experience again. It hurts us all as we see dad slowly disappearing before our eyes. He looks like dad but that is all and mum not really coping with life with him away in the assessment unit.
     
  2. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    Hi

    I cant really give any advice except take each day as it comes. I have the same thing with my folks...my dad is in a Nursing Home with AD and not coming home and my Mum is at home with AD and very confused. One day she remembers who and where dad is, the next she hasnt a clue and so telling her just starts the sadness off anew with her. Its a horrible situation.

    I will be interested to see what others have to say. Any help gratefully received.
    It does help to know others are in similar situations though.

    Chin up....

    Hugs..

    M
    x
     
  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hiya pixie

    I have the same situation as you only in reverse, its my mum who's ill and dad who's at home, at the beginning my dad was like your mum, and couldnt cope at all he had to go on antidepressants and have sleeping tablets, but we're a bit futher on now and it does get a bit better, we found if dad had things to do through the day (he likes to play golf) he was coping a lot better, it was when he was at home alone he found it difficult, does your mum have any hobbies or places she could go to take her mind off your dad not being there?

    it awfull isnt it to see a parent disappearing before your eyes im finding that hard to cope with myself, as well as worrying how my dad is coping, does your mum have anybody else she can talk too, i wish my dad had a computer so he could join TP as its helped me a lot

    we had mum home for about a month, and dad found it so hard to cope with her i think he was glad of the rest when she had to go back into hospital, and even though he still misses her its been a lot easier this time.

    sorry there's not much advice there just how we're coping one day at a time basically.
    best wishes:)
     
  4. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    429
    east sussex
    assement

    Dear Pixie,

    I am in the same position as your mum my husband is in hospital for assement .He has been there for three weeks and it could be another three weeks before he his home,
    I find i am becoming depressed and missing him although i am told to rest and make the most of the break.I do feel i should be visiting everyday but latley i have gone in every other day i dont think he realises i miss a day. When i go in he greets me with huge hugs and still knows me thats for sure.
    I just hope his new drug will take away his aggression and he can return to his day centre and i can manage again. We have been married 54 years.

    Regards Cynron x x
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Cynron.
    I think all that you can do is try and keep busy. My mum has been in a Nursing Home for nearly four months now, and I know dad misses her although he visits daily, and could not look after her at home any longer. He's getting interested in tracing his family tree, redecorated the lounge and generally trying to find things to do- so that he doesn't have time to think. They have been married 53 years. Try and stay positive Cynron; hope they can find something that calms your husband.
    Best wishes,
    Amy
     

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