After a year and a half at a residential home mum has been moved last week to an EMI home. She was escaping and falling and on the last occassion took a 90 yr old with a zimmer with her. the consequences could have been catastrophic if an off-duty oparamedic hadnt seen them and marched them both back. Ive given mum 10 days to settle and visited today. This new EMI place seem to be on the ball. I have beentold she is incontinent nearly every night (didnt know this), that she is very confused and occassionally thinks she is either 5 and her dad (dead 60 years now) is taking her out, or she is looking for a baby and getting very distressed. I have been asked what I want to do re resuss in the event of a heart attack (which i easily answered dont ressuss), and then they asked what I wanted to do about flu vaccine. And there is my problem. Whilst I love mum, I am afraid she has little quality, if any of life. If by October she hasnt gone Ill have to make a decision. I have asked my brother for imput as I feel this should be a joint decision (at least to be discussed) but he is burying his head in the sand. None of mums family (brothers) will visit and im left to do everything. If I say no to the vaccine and something happens, Im concerned that the finger will be pointed at me for the next 20 years. And Im not even thinking of what happens when she cant swallow any more (we have had swallowing problems for a while - mum is stage 6-7) Any thoughts?