mum is now in EMI home - advice please

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Farmergirl, May 19, 2013.

  1. Farmergirl

    Farmergirl Registered User

    May 24, 2011
    After a year and a half at a residential home mum has been moved last week to an EMI home.
    She was escaping and falling and on the last occassion took a 90 yr old with a zimmer with her. the consequences could have been catastrophic if an off-duty oparamedic hadnt seen them and marched them both back.
    Ive given mum 10 days to settle and visited today.
    This new EMI place seem to be on the ball. I have beentold she is incontinent nearly every night (didnt know this), that she is very confused and occassionally thinks she is either 5 and her dad (dead 60 years now) is taking her out, or she is looking for a baby and getting very distressed.
    I have been asked what I want to do re resuss in the event of a heart attack (which i easily answered dont ressuss), and then they asked what I wanted to do about flu vaccine.
    And there is my problem.
    Whilst I love mum, I am afraid she has little quality, if any of life. If by October she hasnt gone Ill have to make a decision. I have asked my brother for imput as I feel this should be a joint decision (at least to be discussed) but he is burying his head in the sand. None of mums family (brothers) will visit and im left to do everything.
    If I say no to the vaccine and something happens, Im concerned that the finger will be pointed at me for the next 20 years.

    And Im not even thinking of what happens when she cant swallow any more (we have had swallowing problems for a while - mum is stage 6-7)

    Any thoughts?
  2. Wirralson

    Wirralson Account Closed

    May 30, 2012

    What a terrible situation. On the "Do Not Resuscitate" (DNR) it is as well to remember that few elderly survive an attempt at resuscitation - some statistics have been posted elsewhere on TP. My father took the same decision in respect of my mum. In the case the 'flu vaccine, he took the decision that she should receive it. The difference in his mind (and mine) was that the DNR was a response to an event that may or may not occur and that my mother might not survive in either case. The 'flu vaccine is different, as we both felt it is a preventative measure which may prolong such life (of whatever quality) as my mother has left.

    Every case is different, and circumstances do alter decisions. But I hope the reasoning above is of some use.

    Kind regards

  3. Lotti

    Lotti Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007

    I was asked this question for my mum, she had the injection each year when she had capacity so I found it an easy decision to make.

  4. HelenInBC

    HelenInBC Registered User

    Mar 23, 2013
    I don't know if this helps you much, but I'm a nurse and I can tell you that the flu vaccine is much less effective in the elderly or anyone who is immune compromised. It has about a 50-60% chance of preventing influenza (most recent season) that is serious enough to seek medical attention.

    That being said, I feel strongly that I will continue giving my mom the vaccine each year. I think trying to prevent suffering from the flu is similiar to having a DNR which would hopefully prevent suffering from extending life when the quality of that life would not be worthy.

    In my mind, it's all about trying to prevent my mom from suffering in any way possible.
  5. HelenInBC

    HelenInBC Registered User

    Mar 23, 2013
    Something else you might not have thought of: often in group settings, it is preferred that all clients receive the flu vaccines, as this gives added protection for all of the clients in that facility.

    If one client gets the flu, it puts everyone else at risk.
  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    When in late stages at his NH I was asked about the flu vaccine and I agreed BUT when it came to the injection my husband refused.

    It made no difference as the flu virus did not reach him although he was weak enough not to have had any resistance at all.

    Your actions will be the best for your Mum and nothing is perfect. You can only do your best.
  7. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    I think the flu vaccine to protect her as much as possible and to protect those looking after her and others in the home is a good idea. I would not regard it as an unnecessary intervention. It is just common sense.

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