I am my Mum's main carer, though I work full-time and though I have recently moved from Mum's house into a nearby flat with my fiancée. I have been caring for my Mum for three years, and now I just don't know what to do.
Until my recent move to my new flat, I was able to check on Mum in the morning, before I went to work. I could put food out and give her a drink if she was up before I left for work. Now that is not possible.
Mum is resisting care visits at lunchtime. She has reached the stage where she is pushing carers away from the front door, down two steps. Clearly this means she is not getting food at lunchtime, or at least it is not apparent what she is trying to make for herself. She has not been able to make proper food for herself for a long time now. She has lost weight, and my Mum's neighbour said she noticed how much thinner Mum is now.
I can phone Mum in the daytime, and am struggling with my own exhaustion to make her dinner every eve, whilst trying to maintain some normality in my own life with my fiancee. I struggle with my own life, because I have an underlying chronic fatigue/ME illness which means I have to manage my own resources/sleep etc with great care. I have just started a new job, and don't want to risk this as it is a passport to my future life with my future wife. I am 43 years old, so still plenty to live for.
My Mum's circumstances are causing me terrible anxiety. She has shut herself out of her house and not been able to get back in, forgetting that she'd gone out back door and trying to get back in through the front door. Both doors cannot be locked or latched by her from the outside, so she cannot lock herself out. She just has to remember which door she went out of - which now is a problem! Luckily my Mum's neighbour spotted Mum trying to get back in the house, but that was pure luck. What if Mum had not been spotted by anyone?
I am worried about Mum's welfare. She has no idea that anything is really wrong. She thinks she is fine on her own. She thinks she can cope. She hates the carers. My sister has contacted Mum's GP about on going referral to CPN, but nothing is happening fast enough for us. Nobody seems to see how bad things are.
Do I contact social services? Do we try respite care in a home? Mum will hate whatever we do, as she just seems to want life to go on as it is. But this life is knocking the stuffing out of me, and I feel i'm losing my health now. I woke at 4.45 this morning, and at work this week I've been nearly falling asleep in the afternoon. In a new job, started this Monday, that is not good.
I feel lost, and sad, and out of ideas. I feel so responsible for Mum's care, but she is only eating properly when prompted by me. I have to go round in the evening and weekend, because she won't accept anyone else (except my sister who lives 30mins drive away), no matter how many ways I spin it. It is a big burden. I don't have the strength to carry it. I want to escape. I want to be healthy and feel good just one morning. I want to be present for my lovely fiancee.
Sent from my HTC One mini 2 using Talking Point mobile app
Until my recent move to my new flat, I was able to check on Mum in the morning, before I went to work. I could put food out and give her a drink if she was up before I left for work. Now that is not possible.
Mum is resisting care visits at lunchtime. She has reached the stage where she is pushing carers away from the front door, down two steps. Clearly this means she is not getting food at lunchtime, or at least it is not apparent what she is trying to make for herself. She has not been able to make proper food for herself for a long time now. She has lost weight, and my Mum's neighbour said she noticed how much thinner Mum is now.
I can phone Mum in the daytime, and am struggling with my own exhaustion to make her dinner every eve, whilst trying to maintain some normality in my own life with my fiancee. I struggle with my own life, because I have an underlying chronic fatigue/ME illness which means I have to manage my own resources/sleep etc with great care. I have just started a new job, and don't want to risk this as it is a passport to my future life with my future wife. I am 43 years old, so still plenty to live for.
My Mum's circumstances are causing me terrible anxiety. She has shut herself out of her house and not been able to get back in, forgetting that she'd gone out back door and trying to get back in through the front door. Both doors cannot be locked or latched by her from the outside, so she cannot lock herself out. She just has to remember which door she went out of - which now is a problem! Luckily my Mum's neighbour spotted Mum trying to get back in the house, but that was pure luck. What if Mum had not been spotted by anyone?
I am worried about Mum's welfare. She has no idea that anything is really wrong. She thinks she is fine on her own. She thinks she can cope. She hates the carers. My sister has contacted Mum's GP about on going referral to CPN, but nothing is happening fast enough for us. Nobody seems to see how bad things are.
Do I contact social services? Do we try respite care in a home? Mum will hate whatever we do, as she just seems to want life to go on as it is. But this life is knocking the stuffing out of me, and I feel i'm losing my health now. I woke at 4.45 this morning, and at work this week I've been nearly falling asleep in the afternoon. In a new job, started this Monday, that is not good.
I feel lost, and sad, and out of ideas. I feel so responsible for Mum's care, but she is only eating properly when prompted by me. I have to go round in the evening and weekend, because she won't accept anyone else (except my sister who lives 30mins drive away), no matter how many ways I spin it. It is a big burden. I don't have the strength to carry it. I want to escape. I want to be healthy and feel good just one morning. I want to be present for my lovely fiancee.
Sent from my HTC One mini 2 using Talking Point mobile app