Mum is crazily spending money

[Yorkshirerose]

My mum is 65 and has Alzheimer’s. Our dad died suddenly a year ago and my sister and I try and care for her as best we can. Lately she’s doing crazy things with spending money. I want to know if the following Is this part of the condition and is it normal??

I got a text from my uncle to say all her furniture had been collected. We knew nothing about it. She had got rid of an expensive leather sofa, her dining table and all the furniture downstairs as she wanted new stuff. But hadn’t actually ordered anything.

All the stuff was lovely and nothing wrong with it.

Then she got a decorator to paint all downstairs. Now she wants him to do upstairs and for a new en-suite and a new bathroom - it’s brand new and she doesn’t need a new one. If my dad was here he’d be going mental.

Do I accept that it’s her money and she can do this stuff or step in as this is just madness now.

I’ve read other threads and mum also hoards food, I found it in the garage. It was bad at Xmas when she ended up with almost 300 mince pies and 30 boxes of satsumas.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Yorkshirerose and welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for information and support.

I see similar behaviour in my wife and think that there is an element of wanting to do something where they still feel in control and thinking that new things will end the confusion and anxiety they feel. Anxiety is a common bedfellow of dementia so a chat with the GP may help

I hope you have the time to look around the site as one can learn lots from threads on the forums, there is a publications list that covers all issues related to dementia and you can find that with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list the list is useful for many things like understanding the issues and sorting out things like Power of Attorney(which would be required if you want to take control of finances but may only help when capacity is lost), care needs assessments etc.

You can also do a post code check for support services in your area by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[canary]

Oh dear, that sounds like frontal lobe problems - she is having problems with sequencing and is making very poor decisions. She is probably also having trouble with understanding the value of money. Its very definitely part of the disease - they want it, they do it. Food hoarding (or any sort of hoarding, for that matter) is also part of it.

Its difficult to know what to do if she is still considered to have capacity. Would she listen to you if you tried to talk her out of it? Many people wont.

 

[LynneMcV]

Hi @Yorkshirerose and welcome.

It is hard to say how much is down to your mother's condition as you don't indicate how far into the disease she is.

Certainly the dementia will be playing a part but there seem to be other factors at play too. She is young to have dementia, you say your dad died suddenly a year ago - so maybe grief is also playing a part in what is happening now. Even if your mother is at a stage where she does not remember that your dad has died, I'm afraid a person with dementia will often carry the emotions and unrest around with them even if they do not remember what they are related to.

Speaking as someone who lost her husband last summer I can certainly identify with the thoughts now coming into my mind to overhaul a few things around the house.

The furniture may have been bothering her. Did you know that a person with dementia can become quite overwhelmed by clutter and obstacles around the home? These are usually things we think are wonderful but, because of the way our loved one's brains interpret things, they become a source of annoyance. I had to get rid of quite a lot of things as my husband's condition progressed because it just made him too frustrated.

As for the bathroom, do you think she might have started to struggle using what was there? Again, layouts and colours we think look fantastic and that there is nothing at all wrong with them, do not always meet the needs of the person with dementia as their brain, perceptions and general mobility change.

Hoarding is a common part of dementia - often triggered by an anxiety of not wanting to run out of anything and to be in control. If my husband was still alive he would definitely have been hoarding over the last few months due to the sporadic mentions on the news about folk and organisations hoarding supplies in case there are problems importing goods later this year. Stocking up on tinned stuff and dry food is one thing - but a whole different problem when perishables are involved - it's such a big problem for you.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that, yes, dementia is no doubt playing a role in what is happening but it might not be the whole story and the choices being made might not need to be automatically labelled as unwise.

It is frustrating having to second guess situations all the time, I know. Hopefully you will be able to delve a bit deeper and see if there are any reasons another than the diagnosis itself which might be playing a part here.

Good luck and do continue to ask for feedback on whatever you are going through. There is always someone who has been through something similar and who is ready to share what helped them