Mum is coming home

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,740
Kent
Dear Jane,

It is going to be very difficult for you following the loss of your mother. You will have a lot of time on your hands and an emptiness which will be impossible to fill.

Give yourself time and remember TP is here for you.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year. She has no family . To help her overcome her loneliness, she now does voluntary work in a Hospice.

You are worried about being lonely after the funeral. Do you think some form of voluntary work would help you.
 
Last edited:

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
janed said:
, I'm scared that after the funeral Im going to be so lonely, my family will have gone back home, and the kids will be at their fathers, I dont like being on my own for long periods, although the dogs and cat will be good company.
Dear Jane

You're bound to be upset, you've lost your mum, and that will always leave a huge hole. It's so new for you, and you were so emotionally involved with your mum at the end.

You know the way you feel is normal, and you understand you're suffering panic attacks, but understanding doesn't take away the pain.

You know you're going to feel bad after the funeral, and that's normal too. Up to then, you have something to focus on; afterwards, you just have to face the emptiness.

Is there any way you can go and stay with friends for a few days? Just till you come to terms with your feelings?

If not, the next best thing is TP. We're always here for you. Just come and tell us how you're feeling, just as you did before. I promise you, we'll understand.

Love,
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Jane

We are all thinking of you, if you feel lonely, come and find us, there is almost always a friend about.

Take very good care of yourself now.

Kathleen
x
 

janed

Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
45
cornwall
Thankyou everyone for your kind words.

Tomorrow is mums funeral, its 4.30pm so in theory I have plenty of time, Wendy and Jim want to go to school so I will be up early to take them, then Alice and I are going to mums house (she hasnt lived there for 3 yrs) to pick flowers out of her garden, she loved her garden so much it will be lovely to have flowers from there for her funeral, and we will get some from my cousins garden as they are away, I am hoping that their syringa is in flower as it was a cutting that mum took from one at our old home and rooted and gave to Anne, we are going to take them to a friend of mine who is a florist to arrange then take them to the chapel of rest for her, Wendy and Jim I will pick up at 1pm then take them home to change, the boys havnt decided yet if they want to come to the service but will definately come after, my friend Rozy has said she will take them fishing if they dont want to go and I'm sure they will enjoy that. I'm off to bed in a minute to try and get a good nights sleep, will let you know how it goes tomorrow. J
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Jane, hope I caught you before bed!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. You seem to have it all organised, and it's a lovely idea to use flowers from your mum's garden. I'm sure it will be beautiful

Let us know how it goes. Sleep tight.

Love and hugs,
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Jane,
My thoughts are with you and your family on this very difficult day. May you feel comfort in knowing you gave your Mum the best of all possible ends and that you followed through with her wishes. I'm sure she is smiling down at you today, blowing you kisses and whispering a gentle "thank you".
 

janed

Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
45
cornwall
Well I survived the funeral, my friend who was going to do the flowers hadnt been in contact so I decided to do them myself! Alice and I went down to mums old garden and picked a load of lovely flowers, each one had a meaning for one of us or mum, they were very bright! pink, blue, yellow, orange, lilac, purple! but looked lovely when arranged, not at all gaudy just very natural, I will try to post a pic when i have taken them off my camera, many people commented on them and my neighbour (hes 75 and is planning his own funeral so he gets exactly what he wants!) has asked if i will do his!!! the drive following mum was very long and slow it seemed to take forever, service was lovely, I was very upset but managed to cope, the girls read their poema I will ask them if I can post them here, Alice was very upset but man aged to finish, then they put the poems onto the coffin to go with mum, it was very beqautiful and the music my friend chose was lovely very light and beautifull, after we went to a hotel which was lovely, I had booked a room with waterside view and balconly outside overloking the water, it was mums favourite place for a drink and lunch, we had a lovely time, much wine was drunk!! and a lot of lovely memories shared. it was strange coming home to an empty house, but i still feel mums prescence very much in her room which is very comforting, Today I took the flowers and laid them on my fathers grave, they looked beautifull, his name isnt on it yet, (its a family grave) despite the fact he died 37 yrs ago, mum had never got around to putting it on so now I will put both their names together, I put some of the flowers onto the grave of an old friend as his wife hadnt been able to get there this week. when i got home I was exhausted, i think i need to have a few days of peace and quiet untill the kids get back from their dads on Monday, very quiet at home but the dogs are good company. J
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,740
Kent
Dear Jane,

Thank you for such a moving account of your mother`s funeral.

It all sounded so peaceful and meaningful. You have done so well.

You deserve your few days of peace and quiet.

With love
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Jane, thank you so much for the description of your mum's funeral. I'm in floods of tears here, it brought back so many memories.

Your flowers sound lovely, and it was so nice that they meant something special to you all.

Enjoy your break, you deserve it, but if you feel like some company, there's always someone here.

Love,
 

janed

Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
45
cornwall
Mixed feelings today, it would have been mums 84th birthday, I found the card I had brought for her the other day, it was so mum but now shes not here to ive it to, I'm sad but glad shes not suffering anymore.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,740
Kent
Dear Jane, sad and glad, those feelings are so understandable. You miss her but you wouldn`t want her back to suffer again.

How are you? I hope the emptiness and loneliness you feared isn`t too depressing.

Take care, love
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
Yes, I still have cards I'd bought for my mother, I expect someone less sentimental will have to throw them away when I die.
 

janed

Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
45
cornwall
Thankyou so much everyone for your kind thoughts, I think Im feeling strong enough to read my posts I posted on here during Mums last few days, I will post again when I have done so, at the moment just looking at the thread brings those days back so vividly that it makes me cry, Jane
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,725
North Derbyshire
What a lovely lady

Jane, I wish you well. I can't say much more. You are doing your best for your mum, giving her lovely and loving surroundings. Best of luck my love.

Margaret