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Mum is adamant they don't live in the house they've lived in for 14.5 years

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Liken, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Liken

    Liken Registered User

    Feb 20, 2014
    Mum has altzheimers and Dad is her carer, they are 86 and 84 respectively. Quiet often now Mum says she's going home or going to see her Mum, so Dad accompanies her for a walk and eventually they come back to their home. this has been happening for about two months. This evening Mum decided that the house was not where she lived and she was going home, it is very icy tonight so not a good idea to go out walking, so Dad told her the house was where she lived and had done for 14 years, but she would not have it. My brother had to go down to help Dad, but she said he was talking rubbish too He showed her letters addressed to them at that address and she even said she was going to have to speak to the bank, as they were sending statements to the wrong address! According to Mum everyone else was wrong. Eventually she calmed down and agreed with me that they did actually live at that address. We are worried that this will get worse and to be quite honest, Dad cannot cope with it. He does an amazing job with her, but when she is like she was this evening he doesn't know what to do and we didn't either. Any help please?:(
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    People with dementia often live in the past. Home is their childhood home or a general place of safety. Don't take it personally and don't try to argue or reason. In their mind they might be 40 years younger so of course they think you are wrong. Calm her down by agreeing, then distracting, or taking her round the block until you get "home", as you've done before.

  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    sorry Beate, typing at the same time lol x
  5. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    #5 lin1, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
    Hi. I am afraid to say this is a common problem.
    I believe it has something to do with wanting to be back in a place where they felt safe and secure, which may or may not be their childhood home.
    Similarly wanting their Mum.

    Sounds like your Dad is doing an amazing job, many on here follow or go with their loved one to ensure they remain safe.
    But sometimes it is necessary to go into lock down .
    You should mention what is happening to the doctors looking after mum to see if they can help.
    I'll have a look round this site to see if I can find anything
    I found this Factsheet, sorry it is a bit of a long read
  6. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    You could perhaps try telling her it's too dark/cold/the roads are too icy tonight/the trains/buses are on strike/ any other excuse that sounds plausible - but maybe you could take her tomorrow.

    It wasn't quite the same, since she was in a care home and in a long phase of wanting to go home to her long-dead parents, but this was what I did with my mother. It always seemed to keep her reasonably contented for the moment, and she never remembered that I'd said much the same before.

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