Mum in respite and very annoyed

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Tedmag123, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. Tedmag123

    Tedmag123 New member

    Oct 16, 2019
    1
    Hi
    My mum has middle stage dementia( mixed vascular and Alziemers) we have just admitted her for respite to a very nice new residential home two days ago for two weeks to give us some respite . It had been awful visiting esp for my 90 yr old father because she was wanting to go home . She hasn’t slept more than 4 days in the last 4 weeks and we are exhausted. She is very unsteady and falls a lot but very difficult to manage as she forgets and doesn’t sit down . Feeling guilty tonight as she’s really upset when we left the home tonight
     
  2. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,612
    south-east London
    Welcome to the forum @Tedmag123 .
    I am so sorry you and the family are going through this upset - it must be very distressing.

    Things will settle, but it takes time. I remember when my husband was going through a stage of not sleeping for days on end - and having falls. In the end I was barely functioning through lack of sleep myself and knew I could not keep him safe in that state. It is unmanageable and totally exhausting.

    The respite is desperately needed so please try to push the guilt aside. Mum may be anxious but the important thing is that she is safe and has a team of people to help look after her and ease that anxiety while you all have a chance to regroup, recharge and think about what's needed going forward.

    I know it's not what we want - but it's what we need, so I really hope you and your father manage to get some much needed rest.
     
  3. silkiest

    silkiest Registered User

    Feb 9, 2017
    80
    She will be upset when you leave but the staff and other things going on will distract her.Maybe next time try to time your visit to end at a meal time or the start of an activity, which may distract her. Try saying other things than goodbye, maybe see you later, after tea etc, as in other posts, leave coats away from the room so she does not see you putting them on and get upset with a prolonged goodbye.
    When a pwd says that want to go home that home may not be the one you are thinking of. My relative wants to go to the home he shared as a 20 year old with his parents (now 86) which is impossible. I would suggest a gap of a couple of days to let this become your mums normal and give you a breathing space.
    Be kind to yourself and your dad, if you cannot carry on you cannot care for her. Good luck. My thoughts are with you
     
  4. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    511
    She will definitely settle, it is so hard to leave them when they are emotional but you deserve and need your respite. It will give you time to sleep, breathe and recover so try not to feel guilty. She will be fine, safe and looked after x
     
  5. JoannePat

    JoannePat Registered User

    Jan 24, 2019
    48
    Female
    I completely agree with @silkiest, we always time our visits to end when my mum is about to have lunch. We never say goodbye, always see you in a bit.

    The carers are very good at distraction too, which really helps.

    I know its hard leaving without saying goodbye, but it might be less stressful for you all.

    Jxx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.