Hello everyone. Our sad story all starts about mid-2012 when my mum started to get confused, seemed lost in familiar surroundings, couldn't write or use cutlery easily, got forgetful, etc. I had just taken voluntary redundancy from my job of 24 years and was happy with that, and then went away for a while travelling and to study. My mum was diagnosed in February 2013 with dementia (I'm not sure which type, but it is not Alzheimers)/ When I cam back in July 2013, she had deteriorated, but was still able to hold a reasonable conversation. I then had a health scare and started to suffer from depression - lots of negative life events, including my mother's illness, had started to affect me. I was also worried about my had, who was then 75 and doing too much - he wouldn't let social services help with whatever help they could provide: he wanted to do it himself. My own physical and mental health also deteriorated because I was with my parents most of the time and it was getting me very down. I was also unable to get re-re-mployd because I was so concerned and affected by my parents' situation. Mum also had a hip-fracture in October 2013, which obviously didn't help with mobility. All of this continued during 2014 and my mum gradually got worse. At this stage, my dad;s mental health still seemed OK, but he was gradually losing weight. I stayed with them for company (probably as much for my own as for them). But, from about Christmas 2014, my mum went downhill. She started to suffer from double-incontinence, eating became difficult (she had to have food mashed or cut-up for her). At this stage, my dad's health noticeably got worse: he started to suffer from insomnia, had poor concentration, and started steadily losing weight. He stil wanted to do EVERYTHING for mum, and social services' involvement was limited to two brief calls each day to see how mum was. By Spring this year, it became obvious that mum was going to need to go into care. Again, my dad resisted this, but it became inevitable. We finally visited a brand-new, purpose-built care home very close to the house, which had just been opened for dementia sufferers in January this year. It was obviously an excellent facility, and it seemed like there was a mixture of residents with varying degrees of the condition. It actually seemed like quite an up-lifting place. They said they would be happy to take her, and a date for admission was set for 16 June. In the meantime, we had an appointment to take mum to see a memory consultant in late May. She scored poorly, and the consultant said a report would follow. We were all set to admit mum to the care-home on 15 June, and I came down to the house to take her and her belongings there. However, when I got to the house, my sister was there and she and dad said they could not go through with admitting her, and, instead, my sister was going to do more to help to keep mum at home. I knew this was a mistake, but didn't say anything. By later that week, it became clear that it had been a mistake - the double incontinence and confusion was so bad - and all agreed that admission WAS required. I rang the care home and they said they could not now take her for at least two weeks (because of other admissions) but would take her week beginning 29 June. However, in the meantime, the report from the memory consultant had been issued and this indicated that my mother had severe dementia (a score of 4/30). The care home that she was due to be admitted to was only registered for mild or moderate dementia sufferers, so they could not now take her. This felt like a real body-blow, and a terrible blunder by my dad, and especially sister who, with the best intentions, had obviously over-committed on what she could do. I then had to furiously phone-around and visit a number of reasonably local homes that COULD accept more severely affected sufferers, and finally found one not too far away. I was invited to visit it and speak to the manager. It was older and not as good as the new facility I mentioned above. The residents were also older and more badly affected by the condition, so the atmosphere was not so good. Nonetheless, I researched the place, and it had generally good reports. They said they would accept my mum, and she was admitted on 6 July. My mum seems to have settled OK. She had a minor fall the first week she was there and gets upset at times talking about dead relatives, especially her mother. She has also recently started to show some signs of agitation, particularly at bedtime. I spoke to her doctor about it and he said it was not unusual and that it might be appropriate to prescribe a mild sedative, as and when required, to calm her down if this became a regular problem. To be honest, and this sounds awful, I now feel like I have lost my mum, and am more concerned about my dad. He is lost. In the past 18 months or so he has gone from a stout but physically quite healthy 76 year old man of 16 stone to skin and bones at less than 12 stone. He is hooked on sleeping tablets and has lost interest in everything. He has no hobbies, spends his day watching Sky Sports News, and pacing-about. I've suggested he makes re-contact with cousins and acquaintances who he used to see quite regularly, and his response is "why would I want to do that?" His is existing and is mind is full of excessive worry about everything. Obviously, and quite naturally, he is grieving for the woman he loves and who he has been married to for 48 years, but his lack of other distractions and ANY interests is an enormous concern. He tells me about "bad thoughts" in his head, but won't expand on that. When he sees his doctor, he won't tell me what he discusses other than getting more sleeping tablets and getting weighed each time. I am staying with him at the moment because I am so worried about him, and would be even more worried about him if I was in my own house. Plus, if I was alone in my own house, I would also be alone with my thoughts and would be worried about my own depression affecting me. I should say: I am single and gay and, having taken redundancy from work and started suffering from depression, withdrew from old workmates and other friends. It is very hard to meet new people, because so much of that involves bars and clubs and I don't want to add drink to the mix. Meanwhile, my sister DOES have a life (which is probably why she wasn't thinking when she over-committed in June). She lives at home with her two grown-up children and is loved-up with a boyfriend. I'm not saying she isn't concerned about her mum, but she seems to be able to compartmentalise it and get on with the rest of her life. I have always been closer to my parents anyway, because my sister first got married and moved away when she was only 21. I left home when I was 25, but live less than two miles away, would talk to them every day, and see them 3-4 times a week. My dad also used to do night work quite a lot, so I would see my mum in the evenings (alone) and we would just talk for hours. The three of us also used to eat regularly together, especially on Sunday when either she or I would make dinner for the three of us. All of that has obviously gone. So my sister, if you like, has moved on to an extent. My dad and I cannot. I just don't know what we are going to do. I am continually worried about who is going to die first: my mum in the home, or my dad from heartbreak. I also cannot get a job. My skills are considerable but very specific, and I don't know if I could hold one down to be honest, but there's no opportunity to try anyway. So, I am lost, but I can still go out occasionally. But, last Thursday I went into town for a meal and a couple of drinks with a friend for a few hours, came home to my dad's house, and he said he was completely lost while I wasn't there. What is he going to do if I get a job some distance away can't see him for a week or weeks? What are we going to do? Gavin.