Mum in Nursing Home Loss of Motivation

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by spinney, May 25, 2015.

  1. spinney

    spinney Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    6
    Good afternoon

    I am the only son and have looked after Mum for 6 years as dad died in 2005. Mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia 2011 and with Depression 2013. Mums mobility gradually deteriorated 2014 and she had to sleep downstairs. She could usually walk with zimmer. She was usually tiring at 4.00 and falling asleep at 6.30 when carers put her to bed. Throughout 2014 she was prone to infections and while in hospital caught C Difficile. Another infection put her back in hospital and at Best Interests Meeting it was decided Mum should go into Nursing Home becausevof her frailty and her Vascular Dementia. I accepted this for Mums overall benefit but I knew Mum would never want Nursing Home. She arrived there March.

    For 6 weeks Mum told both staff and me repeatedly she wanted to go home but around 1 May I noticed difference in behaviour. She refused to participate in any activity and did not talk to any resident. She cannot watch TV as it is too much of an effort. I feel she is not getting any stimulation to help her motivation. She is falling asleep at 2.00 instead of 6.30. My main objection to Nursing Home is loud music from Radio/TV which I have raised with manager.Minor things have gone wrong including losing Mums slippers and her teeth. GP is gradually reducing Mums medication.

    I am now really worried about Mums mental and physical health and at recent Continuing Healthcare Meeting Nurse and Social Worker brought up situation of Mum being there and I gave them my concerns about depression and loss of motivation and worsening mobility.

    I realise Mum needs 24 hour care and would appreciate any advice from anyone with similar experiences please. Whereas Mum will never recover from Vascular Dementia, is her present state due to vascular dementia or the separate matter of depression or due to bring in wrong Nursing Home? Should I simply wait till GP further reduces medication to see if energy/interest/motivation returns to some degree? Should I search for new Nursing Home with better facilities (eg physiotherapists, speech therapists,more lounges such that I may talk to Mum and Mum may talk to other residents
    Without disturbance from loud music)? As the agitation has ceased, is fatigue the next stage she must endure? Thanking you
     
  2. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

    I worked in an office where a colleague insisted on having Radio 2 on all day, every day, and it used to drive me nuts. Ken Bruce and Steve Wright still set my teeth on edge :D Some suitable background music some of the time is acceptable, but it shouldn't be intrusive.

    Have you considered hiring a 'companion' to call in and interact with your mum a couple of times a week? I know some on TP have done that - I only wish I'd thought of it when my mum first moved into her CH.
     
  3. katie1

    katie1 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    122
    Kendal Cumbria
    That sounds a good idea, "hiring a companion" who has done this?
    How did they get on?
    Any problems? What can they/Can't they do?
    Where did they 'find' this angel?
    How does one interview for said post?
     
  4. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    #4 Chemmy, May 26, 2015
    Last edited: May 26, 2015
    I guess I'd ask around locally in the first instance. Someone newly retired? Or a young mum, perhaps? Or a compassionate teenager/student even? Or a member of a church/WI type group?

    As far as the CH is concerned, it's effectively just another visitor and as long as they stay in the confines of communal areas of the home, I can't see any problems.

    Is it any different to finding/paying a babysitter for your children? There's info on tax implications here
    http://www.taxation.co.uk/taxation/Articles/2013/02/06/53401/bringing-baby It might be more tricky for anyone receiving a pension if it takes them over the lower earnings limit.

    Additional: found this link in today's papers:

    http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/96101316-fd83-11e4-9e96-00144feabdc0.html#axzz3bDwXgBAo

    But it might appeal to someone like me - I have experience of dementia, I no longer work, but won't get my pension for another 5+ years. Could be an alternative to unpaid volunteering for someone in my position.
     
  5. spinney

    spinney Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    6
    Thank you for your kind help concerning companion which I shall consider in the future. Clearly you think Mum bring withdrawn and demotivated is temporary and I hope you are right. Mum has always liked privacy and independence but has never been so depressed and withdrawn. I hope reduction in medication may help Mum regain some energy and The social worker I recently met is most helpful.

    As coming home is impractical, it may be a different Nursing Home is the way forward but I shall keep thinking and seeking advice. Once again thank you truly for your advice.
     
  6. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Does she have a wheelchair? Could she be taken our occasionally, change of scenery ?

    A push to a garden centre, wander round and a cup of tea can take all afternoon, plenty to look at etc.

    is there no quiet lounge in the home? Unusual but maybe its small
     
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    Certainly incessant loud music would be a concern to me. It should never be intrusive and there should always be a quiet area for residents who prefer it.

    As for things going missing, when you have residents with dementia this can be a perpetual irritation, even if everything is labelled. People with dementia often do just help themselves to anything they fancy, even other people's teeth. My mother's CH is very good, but it has seemed like Kleptomania Central at times. Staff will usually know who is squirrelling things away - there often seem to be one or two who do it most - and they need to check their rooms/bags/under their mattresses etc. on a regular basis. There was one woman who used to go about with all sorts quite obviously stuffed up her jumper. It took sensitive care and tact to retrieve and restore anything labelled, but all too often things were not.
     
  8. spinney

    spinney Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    6
    Thank you Jessbow and Witzend.

    Unfortunately there is only one large lounge with a TV/Radio on each main wall (2) and Mum and I find loud music irritating. I aacept some people like music loud due to poor hearing, some low music and some no music.

    Yes indeed Mum has a wheelchair and I am thinking of taking her out as soon as it gets warm - I hope to go for a walk in the park and buy her ice cream providing Nursing Home do not resist that.

    I am retired and see Mum every morning which I look forward to even though she is withdrawn and depressed. I expect her to speak to no one other than to ask to use the loo till tomorrow morning when I see her again.

    So sad - all she needs is delicate motivation and less disturbance.

    Thank you truly for your help. I am glad Mums agitation has gone and I hope permanently. I hope her withdrawn attitude improves.
     
  9. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    I am sure the NH will not resist you taking her out. I often used to take my mother out for a drive - she wasn't up to walking far - round a nice big park nearby and we'd stop somewhere with a nice view for a cup of tea and a cake, which I would bring with me. None of the staff ever raised the slightest objection, rather the reverse. Sadly she is way past anything of the sort now. I would say, do it while you still can.
     
  10. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    My most enjoyable visits with Mum were when I got her out & about in a wheelchair. I could chat about what we saw and she only had to nod and look.

    Remember the sunscreen though!
     
  11. 3shirley

    3shirley Registered User

    Nov 28, 2013
    20
    workington
    My husband is in nursing home his days are spent in bed he has no mobility communication no interest in anything I don't even no if he knows who I am his body is starting to contract it is so heart breaking to see him just existing he his also fed through a peg what's the point
     
  12. spinney

    spinney Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    6
    Thank you Witzend & Chemmy.

    I shall take Mum out in wheelchair soon. I am glad to say she enjoyed the strawberries I bought her today.
     
  13. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    186
    #13 count2ten, May 28, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2015
    .
     

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