Mum in nursing home but think a care home better

[MGB60]

Mum was placed into a nursing home today as a step-down measure from the hospital, with the idea that she might stay there if she doesn't regain her independence. The hospital really too it's toll on her, and she has lost a lot of weight as a result of having food and drink left out of reach, and then kept bedridden for their convenience. At the request of two doctors at the hospital written to PALS, as the number of complaints have taken the matter to senior management there. She is much less mobile than a few weeks ago, when she was at home before an infection, and they've messed around with her medication, dropping her painkillers, and her appetite is not so good after being starved.

Anyway, when I went this evening after her transfer late afternoon it just seemed awful! It's a great place...for someone with much more advanced dementia than she has....and she was depressed and scared by it. She kept saying why am I here? They put a bib on her for dinner (!) and there were no patients she could talk to, only staff. I'm really, really upset, and would like her moved to a care home for step-down. I've e-mailed the social worker, but I'm not sure what can be done now that she's there. She likes to talk, but the other residents are to advanced to hold a simple conversation, and she sees them a sihn of what's coming. I'm SO unhappy for her.
Amy advice would be greatly appreciated, as I feel really awful about it

 

[canary]

Hi MGB
It sounds like you are having a very bad time

If your mum has come from a hospital then she is probably at the NH as part of a reablement scheme to see if she can be improved. It is often about 6 weeks long and at the end of it there is a "best interest" meeting with several professionals and include you and your mum. At this meeting there will be discussion on what would be the best place for your mum to be. There may be the outcome that she would be well enough to go home, that she would be best staying in the present NH, or that she should move somewhere else. So, you see, it does not have to be permanent.

Firstly, I would find out from her SW whether she is actually on a reablement scheme and how long she is there.

Secondly, will she be self-funded - ie have savings over £24,000 and/or a house that can be sold for funding? If she is self-funding you will have much more say in where she goes. If she is not self-funding then you will need to work with SS, so please dont go in with all guns blazing!

Thirdly, go and look at care/nursing homes in your area. Find out how much they charge (if you are not self-funding then you may have to pay top-up fees) and get an idea of whether they will accept your mum. The care/nursing home has the final say on whether they will accept anyone and if they do not think that they could meet their needs then they will refuse to accept them.

Finally, assuming that she is on a reablement scheme, go with all your information to the best interest meeting and argue your case. You may find that everyone else agrees with you.

Good luck.