Advice...difficult
Hi there marie2,
Advice is difficult to give in this situation because what you are feeling I think is very similar to what most of us have felt at sometime or other and continue to feel quite often. Its been almost 6 years and I often still don't want to accept what has happened to Dad and have felt overwhelming guilt over and over again that I could not do more, and when he was put in the psych ward for a couple of weeks it was worse, when he went into respite, it cut deep and now he lives in a home, i feel it on everyday that I visit.
You said it in your post however, when you said
I realise she is in the best place at the present time
and you need to hold onto that thought. Also quite often even though we think we could probably look after them at home although it would mean enormous sacrifices by everyone affected,... in the end, our loved ones are often not better off with us. I have found that Dad is far calmer and a heck of a lot less stressed now that he lives in a home. My grandma who just turned 100 on Saturday stated about the home she lives in that 'its the best hotel in town providing for her every need and she's very happy that she no longer has to do housework!'. Psych ward's can be tough though because we are brought up to think of them as horrifying places where only crazy people have to stay and thus I understand why you are having difficulties accepting this situation (as mentioned above Dad had to stay in one for a while). What I have discovered over time with this disease, that all those 'crazies' aren't crazy at all, they are just human beings that are deserving of love, trying to do the best they can with a brain that is letting them down. Unfortunately for your Mum her brain now is letting her down, she will be frustrated, scared, angry and her being so will make you feel the same and possibly more because you can still rationally think through things. Just keep thanking fate that you still have a brain that you can rely upon and be there for her as much as you can, your brain will tell you when you can't although your heart may want to argue.
Best wishes