1. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    Hi Guys,
    I haven't posted for a long long time but feel the need to now. Mum has been in her nursing home for a while, this year will be her 4th Christmas. I had a call from the NH last Wednesday morning to say they had found mum on the floor unresponsive. Dad and I arrived at the hospital just before mum and the balance.
    To cut a long story short she looked awful, she had a CT scan and was found to have a fractured skull (rear), significant bruising to her brain at the rear and also both temporal regions, swelling and a bleed again both to the brain. She was in a sorry state.
    Mum had another scan 2 days later and although the bleed on her brain has stopped the swelling has increased. The hospital are struggling to control her temperature (39.9 today), her blood pressure (161/98 at its highest) and she is clutching and scrabbing at her head constantly. She isn't drinking and is on and off a drip like nobodies business, she's eating the smallest amount of food (nurses are feeding her) and a lot of the time she is asleep more than she is awake and even when she is awake she is babbling constantly and gathering her sheets in her fingers almost nervously.
    There are a couple of consultants going to see her tomorrow to see if they can pinpoint the problem. She had a UTI (detected in a and e) and has had 5 days antibiotics and they have retested today and there is no further UTI so the doctor on the ward is at a loss hence why the consultants have been called. my poor dad is hopeful she will soon be out of hospital and back in her NH but I can't see it, I'm willing my mum to let go (wicked I know) but she is suffering and so to is dad. They have stopped her angina medication (she has chronic angina and cpd) as it stops her blood clotting so she's a lot going on.
    I feel I have waffled, a lot, but it's nice to get it all off my chest with people who understand. I will keep updating when I have news but any advice is welcomed.
    Shash x
  2. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    I have nothing constructive to say, Sash, but you have my sympathy and understanding. I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking of you at this time.
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Not a wicked thought at all. Sounds like the only peace she is getting is when she is asleep. This must be just horrible for you to witness, keep posting if it helps.
  4. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    Thanks both, hopefully know more tomorrow when she's seen the consultants. may be she needs another scan, thankfully we live close to University Hospital in Coventry who have a fab neurology department so all decisions are being made there even though it's not the hospital she's in xx
  5. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    East Yorkshire
    Oh goodness, poor you and your family. I confess to thinking the same sad thoughts as you after my dads recent spell in hospital. He looked so small and poorly asleep in the bed. Like your mum he was treated for a UTI but was eating and drinking very little. He was discharged in a dehydrated state and re-admitted 36 hours later. He bunched up his sheets (when he was actually awake) so I was interested to read that your mum did the same. I'm not sure I can offer any advice, but please know that people here are thinking of you :)
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Shash I don't have anything to add except that I am thinking of you all xxxxxxxxxxxx
  7. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    I am worried that if they discharge her (estimated discharge date was tomorrow 2/12) she will end up back in hospital within hours too. The doctor tonight was saying she may be better in a familiar environment ie her NH but that won't happen until her temperature stops spiking.
    When and if she is discharged we have asked that prior to, the manager of her current home goes to see her and meets with the nurse in charge to ensure they can meet mums needs. The lady who manages the home is a psychiatric nurse so she should know what they can manage and what they can't but, the old manager was much calmer and more efficient, I feel he would have pushed back to the hospital more than the current manager will. everything at the home has turned into money first unfortunately.
    Anyway, we will cross that bridge if and when we get to it, for now, she is being closely monitored and is safe which is really all we can ask for x
  8. theunknown

    theunknown Registered User

    Apr 17, 2015
    No, no, no Shash; you're definately not wicked. You're putting what you feel is the best thing for your mum ahead of your own emotions which will arise from the idea of losing her. There'll be plenty of people on here who understand that. If people judge harshly without ever having experienced what many on here have, then they're the ones who are wrong. All the best xx
  9. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    Sorry to hear about your Mum, it's not a wicked thought, I have the same thoughts on a daily basis, enough is enough, it's too much suffering for the sufferer and their family, such a cruel illness. You are right to get the home manager to visit prior to discharge. Hospitals are too quick to push people out, not always their fault, but not nice when it's your relative and you are scared for them. Thinking of you and sending hugs (()) xx

  10. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Middle England
    Hello my lovely!
    So sorry to hear things are not good with mum - a visit from the CH manager does seem to be the best advice & the priority thing to do.
    You are not wicked. We've shared enough anxiety and troubles in the past for me to know that and very few, if anyone, who has to witness and support a loved one who is deep in the stages of dementia will know it too.
    Send me a PM when you can - How are those little monkeys of yours?
    Love Twiddler xx
  11. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    Have inboxed you Twiddle.
    Dad's said that mums temperature is ok today and she is off her drip. I suspect when he visits again tonight she will be back on her drip! poor dad is pushing for mum to get back to her NH, he is ever the optimist god help him. I will pop and see mum again tomorrow and assess what's actually going on lol. With 3 children and a hubby I can't get every night (plus I work) so I'm an avid chart reader even I'm there.
    Let's see what tomorrow brings x
  12. looviloo

    looviloo Registered User

    May 3, 2015
    Sending you a big hug and lots of strength. One day at a time x
  13. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    East Yorkshire
    Oh, your poor mum. They shouldn't even be considering discharging her if her temperature is still high. There's such pressure to vacate hospital beds these days but my dad's social worker said that we can insist he stays in hospital or in a particular ward/room if we feel that is the best thing for him. Don't let them push your mum out, especially if it's late in the day. Poor dad had to wait four hours for transport which resulted in him arriving back at his care home at 8pm. My stepmother dealt with all this as I was at work but I think she should have asserted her rights and told them to discharge dad the next morning. It's all such a stressful struggle isn't it? Best wishes to you and your mum :)
  14. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    so tonight I have realised my dad is not an information gatherer! I asked him what the consultants are doing to further investigate the cause of mums temperature? he said she's not on a drip and is now taking paracetamol in tablet form not through an IV!!!! Erm. ......did he hear my question I wonder? I explained that neither thing is investigating why her temperature is so high, I got a response of well she's being monitored hourly! I have a feeling tomorrow I need to make a phone call to the ward.
    He has said she is eating ok, now I'm fairly convinced he thinks I pluck information from thin air, I said yesterday mum had eaten only spoonfuls of food as it's written on the nutrition charts in her folder. I asked him of he had read them (I told him to), no he hadn't. its so blessed infuriating!
    I am wondering if he is avoiding reading the info in the folder as it makes the situation all too clear and whilst he can skip along with lots of sand round his ears he is happy, give him a spade and ask him to dig his head out the sand and you're met with resistance. I know he and mum have been married 50 years, I know she is his wife and always will be, in sickness and in health but I hope beyond hope that at some point even if it's just in the back of his mind he can see that mums predicament isn't a good one.
    from what I can gather the nurse spelt things out tonight, whilst her temperature is not stable she goes nowhere. Yes, she may have been sat in the chair at the side of her bed earlier, yes the nurse and physio took her for a wall round the ward and yes she has colour in her cheeks but, none of this is pinpointing why her temperature isn't stable, what they can't keep it down and what the underlying problem is.
    I want to shake someone, and say give me a blooming (insert stronger word) answer but I suppose they themselves may not have them.
    Feeling massively frustrated!
  15. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Oh Shash I'm so sorry, this is so difficult for you. I agree that you need to insist on speaking to the registrar or matron tomorrow. Sometimes when people are under extreme stress they opt out and I'm just wondering from what you say if your Dad is very stressed and distressed and the only way he can get through is by opting out. I always want to know everything and that relieves my stress but it sounds as though your Dad may be doing the opposite. This is such a distressing time for all of you and my thoughts are with you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Do keep posting and let us know what happens tomorrow x
  16. PollyP.

    PollyP. Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    Herefordshire UK
    Dear Shash

    I'm so sorry for your situation and for your poor little Mum. It's so distressing to see some-one you love in such a terrible state isn't it. I do hope that the hospital will be able to sort out the problem with the high temperature too.

    My Mum is 99 and has been in her care home for three years now, and I have to admit I really hope that she won't reach 100...you are not wicked for thinking these thoughts, I think most of us think this way too.

    I know that for my Mum it would be a relief, as she isn't happy and can't recall Dad (who died 7 years ago) they were married for almost 70 years.

    She longs to go back to her home in Manchester and I don't think she will ever be happy again.

    It's a dreadful disease and I'm sure that we all dread the thought that we may get it to.

  17. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    Shash if you are wicked then I am wicked to! I read the previous post and into my head came the thought OMG I hope my Mum doesn't live to 100 (Sorry!) My Mum is 76 now In a care home and unhappy, why would anyone want their loved one to live on and on ill confused and unhappy. I often hope she will pass away peacefully in her sleep or develop some other illness which will take her before the dementia does- for everyone's sake. It must be awful to see your poor Mum in pain. I hope this is resolved- one way or another- for both of you soon. BTW Your Dad sounds like mine...he just accepts whatever is happening or what he is told and never asks any questions. Perhaps its a generational thing? Sending a big hug xxxx
  18. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    I spoke to my friend at work today about my frustrations with my dad, she is the college councillor (counsellor???), she said to keep in mind that at 71 my dad is of the generation who believed doctors were gods, the folder at the end of mums bed is for the doctors and nurses to write in, not to be touched by mere mortals, what they say is not to be quizzed, they are the medics they know what they are talking about.
    Well today they've proved they are a bunch of numpties! Phone call from dad in afternoon school run, your mum's being discharged (steam comes from my ears she is not well enough), I say ok how come. well her temperature is down I have been to the NH they've everything in place just need the ambulance to transport mum. ok I say what time? he doesn't know. Do me a favour dad, just ring the NH to see if mum is in and settled, dad rings and guess what? no mum! no phone call to my dad but a call to the NH to say temperature had spiked she is going nowhere! Grrrrr
    I rang the hospital and the nurse didn't know why mum wasn't discharged, asked someone else and they explained her temperature had gone back up. so I asked again what they are doing by means of investigating the spikes in her temperature? she didn't know. so I asked that when my dad went to visit mum tonight they tell him what they are doing to find the cause of the temperature (clearly an infection, don't need 7 years of medical training to work that devil out), what they are doing to stop her temperature spiking and reassurance that, once mums temperature has come down they won't think of discharging her until it's been down and stayed down for 3-4 days.
    Sure enough, dad visits, urine sample done, mum still has a UTI (even though Tuesday I was told they'd done a sample and she had no UTI ), the culture was being tested so the right antibiotics can be given (last lot didn't work) and no, she won't go anywhere until they know her temperature is down and staying that way!
    Hallelujah! they listened! to a mere mortal! dad now realises they are not gods, they need to be challenged and sometimes need to be told what to do!
    I will rest easy tonight xxx
  19. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    East Yorkshire
    That sounds all too familiar, being told the infection has cleared and then a few days later being told it hasn't. They eventually grew some cultures of the bacteria in dad's blood to see what infection they were dealing with and it turned out he had E. coli in his bloodstream! The first lot of antibiotics didn't touch it! Please don't let them discharge your mum until they are 100% sure she is infection free, hydrated, eating properly and well enough to go home. Insist they keep her in if you have to xx
  20. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Shash, I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal with the hospital, your dad, and of course your poor mother. You sound like a good advocate for your mum and I'm so sorry you are going this alone.

    I am not a medical professional, nor should you take medical advice from me, et cetera, and others beat me to it, but I was also going to suggest you ask for a culture to get your mother on the best antibiotics.

    I am so sorry. You are in our thoughts.

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