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Mum in care home

Maldives13

Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
164
Hi all. Haven't been on here for a while but read lots!
Bit of advice please. Mum is on a good care home and staff are very caring (not enough of them!!)
However a couple of issues - I have been in a few times to find my Mum with her door wide open and no clothes on! When I have asked I ha e been told she refused to let anyone dress her and started to get aggressive with staff.
Manager had asked for a meeting with social services to review her care!! I think she may want to get rid of her and I'm not impressed about the lack of dignity here!
Any comments or advice will be appreciated
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
If she's LA funded they might want more money to pay for extra care or they might want to get some NHS funding towards her nursing needs.
Carer's hands are quite tied when it comes to what they can and can't do and they can't force her to dress if she doesn't want to or indeed wash and shower.
I guess it depends if this is a residential home, a specialist EMI home or an EMI nursing home as to what they're prepared to do to help.
If it's a straightforward residential home then her needs may now exceed things they consider to be within their ability to supply.
I think it's better if you try and work with the home, fall out and they can just tell you to move her out, work with them and they may be able to help getting a new placement and be flexible while you find one.
K
 

Maldives13

Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
164
Thanks for that - I do work very hard with the care home and provide lots of support to my Mum even though we are paying quite large top up fees! I have a good relationship with the carers but it's still hard to see your Mum not being able to maintain a bit of dignity
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
I saw a woman today lift her top up in the lounge and start itching her "under boob area" I caught the eye of a member of staff and pointed to her, sorted and the sister grade level SRN came and took her away later to check for a "yeast" (?) if I heard correctly infection.
I've agreed that if my wife wants to stay in her nighty all day that's OK but as long as her pads get changed.
K
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Maldives,
My husband is in a residental care home, l do all his personal care, he will not allow the carer's to wash, dress, or change his pads. I do manage most days, but he is difficult on others, l think on bad days he thinks l am a carer. I pay top up fee's, if he went into a EMI home it would be more expensive. Would you be able to dress your mother, l would not want to see my husband without any clothes on.
 

Maldives13

Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
164
Hi Pamann
Thank you so much for your reply. I do change Mums pads and help with her personal care and I got her dressed as soon as I went in. I spoke to the care home about me showering her and things and they seem to be one of these that want to do it themselves. I visit Mum at least 3 times a week and have her to my house so I spend a lot of time with her. (I have sisters who also visit and are there for a couple of hours each the other 4 days.
If she is still in bed when I go in I get her up and get her dressed and lots of days she will let the carers help her to get washed and dressed. Just breaks my heart to see her with her door wide open and her modesty not covered. I have spoken to the home about it and they say she wouldn't let anyone help her and she wouldn't let them shut the door!
Sorry I'm rambling but I guess I'm trying to say sometimes it seems because she has dementia they will let her do anything instead of guiding her.
Apparently my brother has been in this morning and she was washed and dressed and sitting in the lounge!
Guess it depends wh in carers are on as well