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Mum in a care home now


Registered User
Dec 3, 2012
Just to post that mum (nearly 86) with Alzheimers has now gone into a care home, I am afraid I couldn't deal with it anymore.

She lived next to us in an annex attached to our house, I used to start around 7.30 till I would tuck her up at 11pm, She couldn't get into bed properly and I couldn't lift her so I used to make the best I could and keep her warm and safe.

I have felt quite destroyed by it all, I know there are a lot worse problems in the world than my elderly mother but it is all consuming!

I am not sure I have done the right thing but the carers are getting her washed and dressed and she is walking around in the home, in the annex she just layed on the bed gazing into space!
She said yesterday when I arrived it was the best day, I asked why she replied because you are here!

I am finding it all sad but think its for the best, I have looked after her for the last few years but am now signing her over to others, although I keep a close eye, visiting almost every day on everybody involved in her care!
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Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon

I have felt quite destroyed by it all, I know there are a lot worse problems in the world than my elderly mother but it is all consuming!
Yes there may be a lot worse problems in the world but your MUM is YOUR worse problem-so don't apologise for being a devoted daughter:)

In my opinion you have done the very best thing for your Mum-your actions have ensured that she is safe and well looked after-that is a very good thing-so well done.

Your dear Mum obviously has still got a connection to you so enjoy your visits with her.


Lyn T XX


Registered User
Dec 13, 2011
I was only talking to my sister about this yesterday. We have this mentality that a care/nursing home is bad. Is it not that we feel guilt for nit being able to cope. My father is 97 this year and has been in a home for 2 yrs.
We talk about PUTTING as though we are throwing them away but I honestly think my father is in the Safest and nicest place he could be. Yes it is away from us and for us it is sad but for him he is happy, well looked after, and we'll fed. He has put on 10lbs since he is fed tea and cake when he likes (as well as a good diet) even at 3am when he's on his walk abouts.
I think we have to change our mind set and as long as the home is good quality care and good staff nursing homes should not be thought of as a bad place for someone who needs more care than I could certainly give at home.
Please don't feel bad for doing the best for a family member spend quality time with her now and enjoy those memories and make happy new ones x


Registered User
Feb 25, 2015
Just to say I understand how you are feeling. Just had to do this with my mum. It's not all bad. I am now looking at this as the next chapter in her life. She is physically and medically so fit at 83 but just seems to have a big whole in her head where her brain should be and I could not look after her any more. Its so sad it has to come to this but it is the best decision for my mum and probably yours too ...


Registered User
Dec 3, 2012
Mum poorly now

Following on from having to place my 86 year old mum into a care home in April, she has been more animated and enjoyed the singing activities and the attention the staff have given her, strangely enough, although she often cant string a couple of words together she can sing the old war songs perfectly.

However, whilst in the home, 3 staff have been sacked, one for being slightly rough with my mother (I was there and witnessed it!) I hadn't reported this but another member of staff did, the other 2 have been sacked for not recording things correctly!

About 10 days ago, mum was bathed and completely worn out and breathless which became worse, the following day the GP was called out, he prescribed antibiotics, explaining that this could be her last illness as she was on the edge of pneumonia. He asked what care she would have wanted so I said to keep her out of hospital if possible and no CPR given so a DNR was hurriedly put into place. I have been in to see her every day for between 2-4 hours, syringing fluids into her mouth, also soup and towards the end of the week spooning mashed potato, gravy and vegetables. I didn't think she would survive this but today she had been dressed and seemed more with it. The CH are washing her each morning and feeding her as best they can, so this is where we are currently!

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
Pinnochio, I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I'm glad she has been able to enjoy some of the aspects of the care home. I hope all goes as well as possible for you.

I don't pretend to understand much about neurology or the brain, but from what I understand, the ability to sing (and remember musical phrases, including lyrics) is a different part of the brain to what controls our regular speech. Perhaps someone here can explain that better than I can, but I think that's why people with dementia (or other issues that impair their speech) can sing even though they have trouble speaking.