Mum has to move

[Anongirl]

Not been posting for a while but have been bobbing in.

Mum has been in a lovely care home now for 18 months. There have been ups and downs but generally it's gone well. Her dementia has declined considerably in that time. In the last few weeks aggression and anger has reared its head and because mum is in a residential home not EMI the manager told me on Friday that they can't cope with her needs any longer. This came after a very prolonged period of aggression when they called an ambulance as she had a seizure.

They asked me to go and she calmed down after I arrived but I think she had just worn herself out.

Has anyone had any experience of someone moving from a residential home to EMI? What steps need to be taken, will she need to go to hospital to be assessed before a decision is made?

I know she will find a move from her familiar surroundings distressing but I do understand the care home's decision.

 

[Witzend]

I'm sorry you have all this worry. Yes, we had to move an aunt from an 'ordinary' residential home to one with a specialist dementia section. She had been there for over two years and her dementia had not been too bad at first, but as it got worse she started to bother and upset the non-dementia residents. She could also become decidedly stroppy! The care home was very good in recommending an alternative not too far away. We were very worried about how the move would affect her, but the new home was lovely and all went fine - she settled quite quickly and was there for another couple of years until she died.

I don't know think there was any assessment other than that of both care homes - obviously the first knew her well and understood her needs by the time the move was made. However my aunt was self funded and this may make a difference.

Good luck - I do hope you won't have too many dramas - it is such a worrying time.

 

[Anongirl]

Thank you Witzend x

Today was another eventful day. Mum hit another resident, thankfully the resident wasn't frail and the lady in question hit mum back. The police were called, though obviously didn't do anything. Then an ambulance called but everything was ok, no injuries or infection. Then a doctor was called who upped her sedative but for her tiny size this didn't even seem to have an effect.

Tomorrow the GP, dementia crisis team and social worker will be contacted by the home and we'll see what happens.

In the middle is my 6 stone mum who refuses food and medication and is angry at the world (I think I would be too). She would be mortified by all this fuss.

By the way both mum and the other lady are fine and neither have any recollection of the incident. The carers on the other hand look worn out!

 

[Witzend]

I can't help wondering why on earth the police were called! A tick-box thing, rather than anyone using their common sense?

 

[Anongirl]

Yep Witzend totally agree! Complete waste of police time

This is dementia care, it's a grey area and no one seems to know what to do. At one point there was a police officer and two paramedics stood scratching their heads.

The 24 hour dementia crisis team weren't answering the phone.

Frustration doesn't come into it

 

[Sue J]

Hi AG

Good to see you posting but sorry to read of the downturn in your Mum and need for a new home

I agree re. police attendance which can't do many favours for those concerned and what on earth can they do that care home staff can't It is concerning that some staff have so little understanding of the condition that they think to call the police is a solution.

I don't know anything about the procedure re. changing homes but hope that you will find one which will be suitable and where your Mum can settle, I know you thought she wouldn't be able to stay where she has been initially and find it hard to think that 18 months have passed!

Love
Sue

 

[Anongirl]

Hi Sue x

I think the care home staff have reached the end of their tethers. It is a residential home and although they do have dementia sufferers there they are generally elderly and don't present a threat to other residents. Mum is 68 and mobile (though she's lost an enormous amount of weight). She has outbursts of anger which nobody understands and, as today has illustrated, she is capable of hitting out. I would have felt terrible if she had hit a frail resident. I could never believe she could be violent but her condition is so unpredictable now.

I think they rang the police because they didn't know what to do.

I do think that she needs more help now, more than this home can offer (though they have been fantastic).

I'm frightened where she will end up or if I will have a say where she lives. I feel like I'm back at square one with the fear of the unknown.

I hope you are keeping well. I often think about people I have 'met' on TP and it still gives me strength to know you are still here xxxx

 

[Raggedrobin]

Hi Anongirl. So sorry you have to go through this. My Mum was very difficult and aggressive for a while but we got a psychiatrist in and with good medication and a lot more understanding from the home we did get it more sorted out and she is now past that phase.

I think the trouble with non-dementia trained care staff is that they respond in the wrong way, telling people they can't do this and that, and that can aggravate the sufferer more. Mum went through a phase of trying to leave the home and getting furious when they tried to stop her, for her own safety. Then they learnt that if they let her go out, accompanied, she would soon want to go back in again. It was the stopping her doing stuff or telling her what to do that put her in a blind fury.

I found it hard that the nursing care home Mum was in said they took people with dementia providing they didn't wander or were aggressive. But Mum became that once in there, how could we anticipate that? Fortunately she calmed down and as she has some small nursing care needs she will stay there, after much discussion.

Sorry I digress, but just to say, Hopefully the social services will give you a list of suitable places you can visit. She may get more of the right kind of attention in a dementia home, so ultimately it may be a positive thing but so sorry you have to go through all this x

 

[Sue J]

It is always good to 'see' a familiar face

I am OK thanks but having bad bouts, also of anger and aggression, always following bad and prolonged migraines. I am managing though but its tough.

I can see how you your Mum's needs have changed. and can understand you feeling back at square 1 but this time it isn't just you doing the looking as the home have a responsibility too to transfer her to a suitable place, does the home have a specific social worker?
xx

 

[1mindy]

It is some 10 years ago now that we were asked to move mum from residential to EMI home not because she was violent or causing grief but because she was wandering and they didn't have the care in place at that time. I cried buckets because we all loved her home so much it was a lovely place for us to go and visit her with a separate restaurant to take her for lunch a cafe for afternoon tea etc. So move to a locked unit came .I took her in the car ,settled her in and it was OK but still not what mum was used to.Left her ,cried more buckets overnight. Went back in the morning. Was greeted with a smile and she said as she always did when I visited " OH hello its lovely here , would you like to live here " .She didn't know she had moved.