Mum has terminal cancer, Dad has Alzheimers

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by janedyer, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. janedyer

    janedyer Registered User

    Nov 24, 2015
    3
    Hello. I'm looking for advice and support. My mum has late stage secondary bone cancer now in the liver and Dad has diagnosed Alzheimer's. Each day mum gets worse Dad gets worse too, naturally he is distressed by mum even though he has stopped 'remembering' what her condition is. I live 45 minutes away have a job and two children and can not feasibly 'care'. Don't know how to begin putting support in or talking to my parents about accepting their situation! There are lots of agencies there but we don't seem to be moving forward.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I am so sorry, you have so much to cope with and it must be very difficult . you will find lots of support on here. My first stop would be the Hospice because they have all the services you will need under one roof for now and they will help you get through - at least that was my experience when my husband had lung cancer and my mum had memory loss. They helped accelerate his attendance allowance on limited life expectancy grounds, they directed us to other services, they had some day services avaailable there and arranged transport, they had hospice at home if you wanted to access that.

    They should both be getting non-means tested attendance allowance

    my next stop would be social services probably to get a carers assessment and some free 'sitting hours' to give you some peace of mind as you are caring for them both. Social services can also help you to access some day care for your mum to give your dad some rest.

    There is a lot more info but probs too much in one go. It is difficult when you have two really serious problems (like you I had two young teenagers as well so i understand how difficult the juggling is but we all get by!!!). Keep posting, lots of friendships and support on here xx
     
  3. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    167
    West Sussex
    I am not in a position to offer advice but just wanted to say Welcome to Talking Point. This really is a most wonderful place to come for advice. I also wanted to say that you are not alone in what you are going through and you will find the help and support you need.

    Candlelight67
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    Hi Jane, welcome to TP
    You really need to contact their local social services and get an assessment of their need done and tell then it's urgent. once that's happened they can tell you what's available and what they will pay for. In addition you could look at if there's any Admiral nurses (specialist AZ nurses) in their area likewise any Marie Curie or MacMillan nurses (cancer specialists).
    As for "and can not feasibly 'care'." well you are doing that's why you've found us on here, caring can be done from a distance, it's still caring.
    Others will be along with advice too, if you want to give an idea of area or region you may get someone in that area who has some local knowledge. likewise things are different if you're in England, Scotland or Wales.
    K
     
  5. janedyer

    janedyer Registered User

    Nov 24, 2015
    3
    Thank you

    To all of you I would like to say thank you. It does help to talk to people who understand.
    Kevini I am in Gloucester and my parents are in Bromsgrove, Worcestershire.
    I've linked to macmillan but we have failed to get mum to their day centre yet and so we are in between that and their home visit person! I hope to get mum there tomorrow.
    Dementia services are visiting Dad tomorrow.
    I think a lot of the problem is that there is so much to do, so many options and time is against us with mum. I'm almost waiting for the next 'event' in her illness to really set services in motion!

    Huge thanks.
     

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