Mum has stayed!!!


Registered User
Apr 8, 2006
Hi everyone just thought I'd update you on my situation. MIL went for 2 weeks respite care on 19 Sept. had a hell of a morning getting her there, she was like a child having a tantrum, couldn't remember she had agreed to go, got very aggressive, abusive etc, told us she wished that every bit of food we ate choked us!! (very upsetting, I tried to tell myself it was the dementia, very difficult)anyway she went. Care home had permanent vacancy so no problem letting her stay after 2 weeks was up, SW & CPN knew also our position. SW was going to visit her during our 2 weeks hols to try and persuade her in her own interests etc to stay permanently, I still find this Human Rights Act an ass!!! Well, I have had the week from hell, I was so unsure that she would stay that I ended up leaving home and hubby on Sunday 1st, left a letter for him advising him I was safe at a friends and also outlined my reasons for not being able to cope with MIL anymore , a heartbreaking decision. Yesterday hubby and his brother visited Mum to tell her the news that if she came home I did'nt, she read the letter I had left and agreed to stay, SSW & CPN were visiting her in the afternoon (they couldn't go any earlier in the week) to pick up the pieces, so far have not heard anything else so presume they went??

I feel absolutely and utterly dreadful that I have had to resort to these tactics to get the right conclusion,talk about the guilt monsters I have had them big time all week, cried buckets, not ate or slept properly worrying about this.

So some good news I am going back home tomorrow, I don't think I will be visiting MIL for a while though, despite reading my letter she told hubby yesterday that I had 'gone off with that man'. I feel that a big weight has finally lifted from my shoulders and I know that I have done the right thing as far as MIL is concerned, she will be properly looked after and I can have my marriage back.

Thank you to you all who have taken the time to send me messages of support and help during my ramblings over the past 12 months, you have been truly my lifeline in the darkest hours.


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Trisha,
You have done what needed to be done to save your marriage and your health - so flick the guilt monster off your shoulder, dry your tears, and get back and reclaim your life! MIL is still part of it, she will still need your love and support, but nolonger on a 24/7 basis. Hope the future holds what you wish for yourself and your husband.
Love Helen


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hiya Trisha

Ditto what Helen had to say in spades. You are one VERY brave lady, all credit to you for your actions. Sometimes it does take the extremes to 'save' all concerned.
Every best wish for a brighter future.
Take care