sad news
@Carobobs , my condolences to your family on the loss of your Dad
from what you write, your Mum understands and remembers that your Dad has died so is naturally grieving .... you seem to be doing all you can to support her and it may simply be that time slowly will help you all
I hope there has been a care needs assessment by her Local Authority Adult Services, as you mention putting care in place ... if your Mum is self-funding you can go ahead and make any arrangements you need, though I appreciate that it's not easy with current restrictions ... that would certainly take some of the strain of physical daily care from all of you .... I would have suggested a respite stay as a 'break/holiday' but this may be tricky right now
if your Mum is not holding onto the sad news but is asking where your Dad is, so is reacting each time you tell her as though it's the first time .... maybe for her sake, keep from telling her and try giving a response she might accept calmly, something rooted in their past lives eg he's visiting a family member, gone on a trip for work, taking a holiday fishing, gone to get some shopping they need, taken the dog for a long walk .... this depends on what will seem fine to her and for how long, and isn't, I appreciate, easy on the family
I wonder whether an Admiral Nurse might be of help
Call or email our Dementia Helpline/Alzheimer's Helpline for reassuring and practical advice from our specialist team of Admiral Nurses.
www.dementiauk.org
sorry not to have more useful ideas for you