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Mum has lost dad and she has dementia


New member
Apr 22, 2018
We are in an awful position right now. Mum had a stroke 3 years ago which accelerated and highlighted the dementia. Dad died suddenly almost 4 weeks ago and mum is bereft. 3 sisters are taking it in turn to stay with her and/or have her stay with us. It is so hard to support mum in her grief when we are all trying to process our own as well. In addition every time we feel have formulated a plan to give her some stability and to put some additional care in place Covid rears it’s ugly head and restrictions bite! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
What a difficult situation for you @Carobobs

You are suffering all round grief and I can`t begin to think of how it can be made easier.

Is your mum getting any help from carers? As well as her own grief, might your mum be picking up on yours and your sisters?

Would it be possible to get help from an agency carer just to see if a more objective approach would help your mum and in turn help you and your sisters too.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
sad news @Carobobs , my condolences to your family on the loss of your Dad

from what you write, your Mum understands and remembers that your Dad has died so is naturally grieving .... you seem to be doing all you can to support her and it may simply be that time slowly will help you all
I hope there has been a care needs assessment by her Local Authority Adult Services, as you mention putting care in place ... if your Mum is self-funding you can go ahead and make any arrangements you need, though I appreciate that it's not easy with current restrictions ... that would certainly take some of the strain of physical daily care from all of you .... I would have suggested a respite stay as a 'break/holiday' but this may be tricky right now

if your Mum is not holding onto the sad news but is asking where your Dad is, so is reacting each time you tell her as though it's the first time .... maybe for her sake, keep from telling her and try giving a response she might accept calmly, something rooted in their past lives eg he's visiting a family member, gone on a trip for work, taking a holiday fishing, gone to get some shopping they need, taken the dog for a long walk .... this depends on what will seem fine to her and for how long, and isn't, I appreciate, easy on the family

I wonder whether an Admiral Nurse might be of help

sorry not to have more useful ideas for you