hello everyone again ... does anyone else have experience or advice ? mum has just been diagnosed with breast cancer which is so sad yet another thing to cope with .. obviously because she has severe dementia she does not understand this but the whole experience of the mammogram biopsy etc that i had to take her too seemed to terrify her ... im supposed to have some idea of how to treat her or if indeed i want to .. my instinct is to not put her through anything but palliative care and not radiotherapy etc as doctors seem to want .. id really appreciate any thoughts
mum has just been diagnosed with breast cancer
- Thread starter gillian51
- Start date
I am sorry this has happened. It must be hard for you and for your mum too. Your instincts sound good to me - it could be the doctors are waiting for you to start this conversation. Doctors are sometimes afraid that patients will think they are not trying to help them.
I can see why you want to protect your mum from any further distress - my mum fought off all medical investigation.
Can you make it clear to all the people involved with her care that you cannot see the benefits of anything but palliative care?
I can see why you want to protect your mum from any further distress - my mum fought off all medical investigation.
Can you make it clear to all the people involved with her care that you cannot see the benefits of anything but palliative care?
So sorry you and your Mum have to deal with this.At times life can be so unfair.
I think your instincts sound right. If your Mum had difficulty dealing with the investigation I would be worried how she would actually feel about the treatment.
Take care
Lyn T
I think your instincts sound right. If your Mum had difficulty dealing with the investigation I would be worried how she would actually feel about the treatment.
Take care
Lyn T
Hi there.
My mum is in the same position. (Well sort of!) She was diagnosed with breast cancer 13 years ago. Dementia has only set in over the last couple of years. Thankfully not too bad at the moment, but getting steadily worse. The cancer was under control until a couple of years back. She wasn't getting check-ups by then. She was told to just go to her GP if there was any change. In Jan, when she had a fall and went to hospital, they found a growth under her breast about the size of an apple; the cancer had broken through the skin, and poor old mum hadn't told anyone. She forgets that she has the cancer, but is adamant that she does not want to go through chemo / radiotherapy etc. Luckily her consultant is lovely. He can see the trauma just visiting him is putting her through, so has referred her back to her GP. She has the wound dressed every couple of days, as it sometimes bleeds. In one of her clearer moments, she said that at her age (88) she'd rather have a few good months, than a year of trailing backwards and forwards to the hospital. It is heart breaking to hear that, but I really can understand where she is coming from with all this. Thankfully, at the moment, so can her GP and Consultant.
I think you have to stand your ground a bit in this situation. As I say luckily, mum's consultant seems ok with the situation, whether that changes if things go down hill or not I can't be sure. I did have one conversation with a different consultant, who when I said I thought the upheaval of the treatment would be too much for her to understand and take in, said we'll she'll have to have it!!! (I don't think so mate!)
If she doesn't understand she has cancer, I'd leave it at that. Sometimes my mum asks what the growth is. It was so distressing for her to hear that she had cancer that I now tell a little lie, and say its a just a growth.
Best Wishes.
My mum is in the same position. (Well sort of!) She was diagnosed with breast cancer 13 years ago. Dementia has only set in over the last couple of years. Thankfully not too bad at the moment, but getting steadily worse. The cancer was under control until a couple of years back. She wasn't getting check-ups by then. She was told to just go to her GP if there was any change. In Jan, when she had a fall and went to hospital, they found a growth under her breast about the size of an apple; the cancer had broken through the skin, and poor old mum hadn't told anyone. She forgets that she has the cancer, but is adamant that she does not want to go through chemo / radiotherapy etc. Luckily her consultant is lovely. He can see the trauma just visiting him is putting her through, so has referred her back to her GP. She has the wound dressed every couple of days, as it sometimes bleeds. In one of her clearer moments, she said that at her age (88) she'd rather have a few good months, than a year of trailing backwards and forwards to the hospital. It is heart breaking to hear that, but I really can understand where she is coming from with all this. Thankfully, at the moment, so can her GP and Consultant.
I think you have to stand your ground a bit in this situation. As I say luckily, mum's consultant seems ok with the situation, whether that changes if things go down hill or not I can't be sure. I did have one conversation with a different consultant, who when I said I thought the upheaval of the treatment would be too much for her to understand and take in, said we'll she'll have to have it!!! (I don't think so mate!)
If she doesn't understand she has cancer, I'd leave it at that. Sometimes my mum asks what the growth is. It was so distressing for her to hear that she had cancer that I now tell a little lie, and say its a just a growth.
Best Wishes.
sorry Gillian something else to worry about its not easy is it. do you have LPA over your mums health an welfair? I m of the same thoughts as you. my BIL is late stage AD an VD an has had prostate cancer in the earlier stage an he had an operation as the options were long drawn out treatment that he wouldn't have coped with but we made the decision then that we would do no more. at the stage he is at now I think it would be a blessing if he never ever had to have treatment for anything else ever as just trying to get him to have an xray after a fall was so distressing to him we said just leave it. how cruel life can be! good luck with mum juniepoonie
My husband has Alzheimers plus prostate cancer. I made the decision February 2012 not to allow him to have treatment of any kind, apart from pain relief.
He is now classed as terminally ill and on the palliative care register at our surgery. The Macmillan nurses are involved although not needed to visit regularly yet as he is still fine.
The side effects of the treatment would have been horrendous ( he actually did try treatment for about 2 months and I knew I couldn't cope with the changes in his behaviour.
He has no hospital appointments, no medication apart from warfarin, and has no hassles at all in his life, ( apart from me of course).
I am sure it was the right decision for me and him.
I think your feelings are right for you and your Mum too
Jeannette
He is now classed as terminally ill and on the palliative care register at our surgery. The Macmillan nurses are involved although not needed to visit regularly yet as he is still fine.
The side effects of the treatment would have been horrendous ( he actually did try treatment for about 2 months and I knew I couldn't cope with the changes in his behaviour.
He has no hospital appointments, no medication apart from warfarin, and has no hassles at all in his life, ( apart from me of course).
I am sure it was the right decision for me and him.
I think your feelings are right for you and your Mum too
Jeannette
Hello Gillian
It is a difficult decision for you to make, as my Mum had AD and was diagnosed in Jan 2012 with breast cancer, and sadly died in March of this year, but not of cancer!
My advice would be to ask the consultant/gp if there is any alternative treatment rather than radiotherapy ie maybe going on an anti cancer drug. Probably because of her age (she was 89) chemo or radiotherapy was never suggested but what the consultant did was put my Mum on Tamoxifen to stop the cancer spreading further. This worked and the the tumor decreased in size.
Initially, like you, I couldn't make up my mind what was the best thing to do for Mum, especially as her GP had said to me when we found the lump, that if we wanted we could leave well alone and do nothing, but she did say that sometimes the cancer can break through the skin and being on a drug would help prevent this from happening. I decided to go ahead and get a proper diagnosis to find out how things were.
We went for check-ups at the hospital but my Mum was OK with these as I don't really think she realised what the problem was and I did manage to warn the Consultant (by having a word with the nurse before we went in) before hand that my Mum had Dementia and thankfully he was very nice to her.
I also found the Macmillan Cancer helpline to be very good and they sent me quite a lot of literature.
Hope this is of some help!
Francine
It is a difficult decision for you to make, as my Mum had AD and was diagnosed in Jan 2012 with breast cancer, and sadly died in March of this year, but not of cancer!
My advice would be to ask the consultant/gp if there is any alternative treatment rather than radiotherapy ie maybe going on an anti cancer drug. Probably because of her age (she was 89) chemo or radiotherapy was never suggested but what the consultant did was put my Mum on Tamoxifen to stop the cancer spreading further. This worked and the the tumor decreased in size.
Initially, like you, I couldn't make up my mind what was the best thing to do for Mum, especially as her GP had said to me when we found the lump, that if we wanted we could leave well alone and do nothing, but she did say that sometimes the cancer can break through the skin and being on a drug would help prevent this from happening. I decided to go ahead and get a proper diagnosis to find out how things were.
We went for check-ups at the hospital but my Mum was OK with these as I don't really think she realised what the problem was and I did manage to warn the Consultant (by having a word with the nurse before we went in) before hand that my Mum had Dementia and thankfully he was very nice to her.
I also found the Macmillan Cancer helpline to be very good and they sent me quite a lot of literature.
Hope this is of some help!
Francine
Am so sorry to hear about your Mum.
My Mum now 72 (mild/moderate AD) was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia 2 yrs ago.
Thankfully her blood counts have remained stable so no need for treatment at this stage, but she does have to go for blood tests every 3 mths.
From October last year, and with her memory fast failing she has forgotten about being diagnosed, so every mths when she goes for a blood tests I just tell her its routine, and her doctor ordered it.
October last year she started having bowel issues. Having to have a CT Colonography scan, and then 2 Colonoscopies was a nightmare.
The prep work for it with the no eating, drinking lots of water, solutions and enemas was an ordeal for Mum alone.
They diagnosed her with early stage bowel cancer and in January Mum had surgery and 20cm of her bowel was removed. I have never been so thankful that a) she didn't need a colostomy bag fitted and b) she didn't need any more treatment apart from regular colonoscopies.
I know for a fact that Mum wouldn't have coped with radiation or chemo.
I don't even think she would cope with the ordeal of another colonoscopy now.
Will cross that bridge if and when we come to it.
My Mum now 72 (mild/moderate AD) was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia 2 yrs ago.
Thankfully her blood counts have remained stable so no need for treatment at this stage, but she does have to go for blood tests every 3 mths.
From October last year, and with her memory fast failing she has forgotten about being diagnosed, so every mths when she goes for a blood tests I just tell her its routine, and her doctor ordered it.
October last year she started having bowel issues. Having to have a CT Colonography scan, and then 2 Colonoscopies was a nightmare.
The prep work for it with the no eating, drinking lots of water, solutions and enemas was an ordeal for Mum alone.
They diagnosed her with early stage bowel cancer and in January Mum had surgery and 20cm of her bowel was removed. I have never been so thankful that a) she didn't need a colostomy bag fitted and b) she didn't need any more treatment apart from regular colonoscopies.
I know for a fact that Mum wouldn't have coped with radiation or chemo.
I don't even think she would cope with the ordeal of another colonoscopy now.
Will cross that bridge if and when we come to it.
Thankyou ....
Thankyou so much everyone for your help and support ... best wishes to all of you too ... i never cease to be amazed and comforted by the kindness of everybody on this site it truly is invaluable ..
Thankyou so much everyone for your help and support ... best wishes to all of you too ... i never cease to be amazed and comforted by the kindness of everybody on this site it truly is invaluable ..
Hi Gillian - sorry to hear you have another trauma to cope with. My mum had breast cancer a couple of years ago. I knew she had dementia then but she refused the memory clinic so wasn't diagnosed with altzheimers until last year. We went through the whole treatment. I say 'we' as she couldn't attend any appointments on her own. The whole thing took about 18 months. I have to say the radiotherapy wasn't too bad - apart from the frequency. Every week day for six weeks. It was the chemo that was worst. Endless blood tests and hospital visits every few days. She's cancer free now but I do think the drugs they gave her made her dementia worse. She seemed to go downhill very fast after a few treatments.
Anyway what I am a trying to say (in my usual long winded fashion!) is that I also think you are right in your instincts and I would worry about how your mum would cope with the treatment.
Anyway what I am a trying to say (in my usual long winded fashion!) is that I also think you are right in your instincts and I would worry about how your mum would cope with the treatment.
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