Mum has gone

At413

Registered User
Sep 27, 2012
9
I've posted a few messages here and had really helpful replies and support so thought I would just say that Mum died on 26 July in her nursing home. She never really recovered from the broken arm she sustained when she had a mild seizure which was such bad luck. If she'd been lying in bed or something that aspect of it might not have happened. But it precipitated a general decline that culminated in first stopping eating and eventually drinking too.

I was with a mum when she passed and it was very peaceful. Her breathing gradually changed and then just stopped. A couple of days previously I'd had a long visit with her where she rubbed my arm and nodded at me which I will always treasure.

I did the tribute to Mum at her cremation service which I am so glad I did. I would say to anyone wondering if they should or can to do it. Write down what you want to say and ask the minister officiating to be ready to step in if you can't carry on. The other thing we did which people commented on was pt a load of photos of mum in a book and took it to the gathering afterwards. People enjoyed looking through them, told stories about the day the photo was taken etc

I think it will take a while to absorb it all. If mum had been given a moment of clarity I am sure she would have said she was ready to go but the world feels wrong without Mum in it. It feels like a second beravement really. I lost mum a couple of years ago in terms of her knowing me, being able to have a conversation, remember shared history, get her advice etc. now I have lost the Mum I loved holding hands with, making a cup of tea for just as she liked it etc

But she was special - she bought my sister and I up alone and made us who were are against he odds in many ways - so my uppermost thought has to be how very blessed I have been.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,437
Dundee
I'm so sorry for you loss. Your post is full of love. What a lovely idea to have the book of photographs.
 

starryuk

Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
1,305
At413, I am sorry to hear that you have lost your mum, but glad that you were there together at the end.

Starry
 

elizabet

Registered User
Mar 26, 2013
224
Southampton
Sincere condolences to you -from my experience of having lost my Mum just over 6 months ago the memories of your parent will never fade- a nice idea to share a photo book .
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
I'm very sorry that you have lost your Mum; it sounds as though she was a wonderful woman. Indeed she does sound 'special'.

Take time to grieve and I hope you remember your Mum in the good times when you were growing up

Take care of yourself

Lyn T
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
I am so sorry for your loss At413.

Your mum was obviously a very special person, and the depth of your relationship shines out from your post.

I am pleased that you can feel you have been blessed, I hope I can feel like that when the time comes :)

Take care :)

Lindy xx
 

pony-mad

Registered User
May 23, 2014
1,073
Mid-Wales
I am sorry to hear that you have lost you "special" Mum. Our worlds are different places without our Mums around aren't they. Well done for holding it together at the funeral. I'm sure she would have been very proud.
Look after yourself in the coming months, love Gaynor
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
North East England
I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news, please accept my condolences. Your post was a very moving tribute to your mum, with your love for her shining through. I'm glad she was peaceful, and that you have memories to treasure.
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,942
North East England
There are times when these words seem particularly apt....."Parting is such sweet sorrow".

THank you for sharing the last things you could do for your Mum in this life. She will be proud of you. x.
 

Dustycat

Registered User
Jul 14, 2014
215
North East
Sorry for your loss. My mum died in May. Like you I lost the mum I knew 18 months ago following a fall but I feel privileged that I had the last 18 months with her. She was still my Mum and we spent some happy times together. Take care. Xx
 

alison1981

Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
62
I am sorry for your loss.

What a lovely thing you did for your mum at her funeral and I am sure she would have been so proud of you.
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
Well done your Mum, she did a good job with you and your sister and you returned the compliment.

I know the feeling, it's a diluted world without Mum.
 

VickyG

Registered User
Feb 6, 2013
327
Birmingham
So sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences. I lost my mum just over 2 weeks ago, so things all still very up and down in my world. A massive well done to you for getting through the service and being able to stand up and speak.
Take care,
Vicky
 

At413

Registered User
Sep 27, 2012
9
thank you

What lovely messages, this forum is a special place. It does help to know that others understand.

Over a month has passed now and life does go on. It has to I suppose. You have to go to work, talk about others things with your friends, celebrate birthdays, help a friend who has been made redundant, pull the weeds up in the garden, take the cat to the vet for her booster, do the shopping, think about whether to join friends in a cottage for new year, decide not go camping because it's raining, get a filling at the dentist, go to a football match, get your hair cut, go to the cinema, finish a book, visit a friend in the first house she has bought, pay Mum's final bills, watch too many episodes of The West Wing. I've done all these things in the past month - some reluctantly, some half heartedly and some with a smile.

The world will never be the same without Mum in it. It's a different world. I am determined to find the joy in it but will always be sad she won't be there to talk to about it.

Thanks again everyone

Mary
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