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Mum has dementia, dad has cancer - need some advice please

mariat

Registered User
Aug 5, 2015
4
My mum has had Alzeimers for around 10 years now, and until last year my Dad was her carer. Last July she was taken into hospital when she developed bed sores and my dad couldn't cope with her care any longer, and she was moved to a care home last September. He has visited her every day since then, but recently his health has been failing and yesterday he was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer.
We have only just realised that no one has power of attorney over my mum's affairs, and she is now too far gone to appoint someone. So, what happens now? I need to act on her behalf as my dad can no longer cope with it all, but is it too late for me to get power of attorney?
He is distraught at the thought of not being there for her, and she can't cope if he's not by her side. They are in London, I'm the only child and I live in Norfolk, so I'm really worried about what's going to happen and not being able to be there as much as I'd like.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,194
South coast
Hello mariat
Im sorry to hear about your dad - I expect that it has come as a shock.
Has your mum lost capacity? If she still has capacity she can appoint someone for POA, but Im guessing from your post that she would no longer understand.
If this is the case what you will have to do is apply for Court of Protection deputyship. Its longwinded and costs more than POA, but you can do it DIY fairly easily. You can download the forms off the internet and the people the other end of the phone at the court are very helpful if you get stuck.

It costs £400 for the court hearing; someone must sign one of the forms to say that she has lost capacity - if her GP does this they will probably charge you, but I got my mums SW to do it and she didnt charge; at the end you will need to buy a security bond and there are annual administrative charges which are on a sliding scale depending on how much money she has. You will also need to submit annual records on her finances.

Its more hassle than POA, but probably not as bad as it sounds, but if you cant get POA its the only way. Several people on here have done this, so if you get stuck there is lots of help around.
 

mariat

Registered User
Aug 5, 2015
4
Hello mariat
Im sorry to hear about your dad - I expect that it has come as a shock.
Has your mum lost capacity? If she still has capacity she can appoint someone for POA, but Im guessing from your post that she would no longer understand.
If this is the case what you will have to do is apply for Court of Protection deputyship. Its longwinded and costs more than POA, but you can do it DIY fairly easily. You can download the forms off the internet and the people the other end of the phone at the court are very helpful if you get stuck.

It costs £400 for the court hearing; someone must sign one of the forms to say that she has lost capacity - if her GP does this they will probably charge you, but I got my mums SW to do it and she didnt charge; at the end you will need to buy a security bond and there are annual administrative charges which are on a sliding scale depending on how much money she has. You will also need to submit annual records on her finances.

Its more hassle than POA, but probably not as bad as it sounds, but if you cant get POA its the only way. Several people on here have done this, so if you get stuck there is lots of help around.
Thanks for the advice. Yes, I think she is past the point of being able to give me POA, so it looks like the deputyship will be the way to go. I wish someone had told me all this when she was still able to make the decision, but it is what it is. I think it may be a good idea for me to speak to my dad about him appointing a POA too. Not a nice subject to broach but it has to be done. Thanks again of your help, this forum is a godsend.
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
Don't beat yourself up about it. Your Mum would probably have given POA to your Dad and you would still be in the same boat due to him being too ill to cope with paperwork.

I wish you strength for what lies ahead.