For those who agree or disagree with me, thank you for all replies. I dont do any social media but knowing I can vent in a safe place, with no discrimination of how each individual deals with the hand they've been dealt.
So it been a rocky 24 hours at least, in the 48 hours mums been home I myself have had to remove myself from the situation. I honestly don't know who for whose safety first.
What I've witnessed is not love nor care.
She eats little and if she wants trifle for breakfast, then so be it, it's calories. That reminds me I need to order her drinks. So he can tend to all his needs on his shopping list, he can go the kebab shop, he can carry over two dozen litres of vodka home and reach them to the top shelf. Whilst mum in rehab these last 5 weeks we have made safe and thoroughly redeemed mums house. He fought every single step of the way, from not letting me throw mums high heels out, for God's safe she 85 on a zimmer, to not letting me touch any single item belonging to him. Including a mouldy stinking, rotted leather jacket that I don't know what month or that Sunday it ever fitted but in over twenty years he's never been smaller than xxxxl, id say its xl .
We need to make space for aids, commode, wheelchair, zimmer, and he puts a barrier up against every thing I try to do.
He keeps giving her lighters, knowing she fell asleep coming home in car with lit ciggy in her hand and driving I had to tell him, he didn't notice. Honestly the list goes on and on.
Well anyway the pot boiled over this morning. Mum had a birthday party yesterday, I didnt go, I couldn't, he denied me of that cos I couldn't bare to see him laugh and jest with family.
On and yes, my family, each and everyone at the end of there tether with him, so much so one brother will no longer visit due to his presence. He's robbing him of what bit of quality time he has between work and life.
As for moving in with mum....I hand on heart can not promise anyone as a non drinker, that I won't dip into his stash. I have only 4 brothers, so personal care its on the agenda waiting for carer to attend to that each morning.
He is the only one mum feels comfortable around getting washed or dressed, she just needs supervising, since her return home sat, he's neither encouraged nor prompted her to get washed or dressed. She refuses my assistance and he's not liking the idea of another person in the house.
So anyway, I heard mum shuffling this morning, and as I opened my now bedroom door it was like a scene with Annie wilks asking who had moved her penguin.
He just starts roaring at me, where's my dolls! Me suitcase he's shouting with me dolls in, where have you put me dolls and me suitcase, oh yes I forgot that outburst was filled with lots of cursing, where me dolls.
Never before have I woken to a obese 73 year old mad in American tan support stocking screaming where's my dolls.
Enough, my own father never swore at me, nor has my son, my 4 brothers nor my partner ever spoke nor swore at me like that.
In her capacity never would my mother allow him to speak to her in that manner and certainly not her daughter.
Mum got really upset, I calmed down and said right before I go speak to me about any issues in a adult manner, but no, he simple couldn't stating getting all hostile. Once mum went back to bed. I left, tended to other issues, returned home to mine for freshen up before I went back, then I cracked, tears of rage and anger and helplessness and these last 6 weeks of dealing with him took its toll.
I spoke to my brothers, mum is safe now with family stepping in till I gather some strength to return wed evening.,
I'm sleep deprivated at moment, I can be somewhat hasty and irrational in my actions.
For me to provide the care mum needs, I simply can't do it in his presence. I have told only my partner my plan on going forward and this is it.
I'll return Wednesday, give us both a bit of cooling of time, my brothers has a word today ! Oh yes that doll he was screaming about, it was a meerkat insurance doll thing . No sentimental attachment, just a doll he likes, I've not thrown or really touched anything of his, so I had to move his doll inside the suitcase that was on top of the wardrobe that was falling apart hoarding all his clothes that don't fit him to rearrange the room to make space for mum.
Anyway what was I saying ...oh yes, I'm probably writing to myself by now sleep ? but that's OK, I find writing therapeutic.
Oh right so yep, on my return ill tend to mum whilst serving him coffee ...we spent weeks decorating, he'd get up and just make his own coffee. So regressing again, the moment he swears at me or mum, shows me any hostility, I shall remain calm as the next opportunity I get if he ever leaves the house I will have someone take mum to theirs so she's not there to witness him coming home to me having the locks changed.
I shall remain inside, I expect he will call the police.
I am mums daughter, I'm her named carer, my brother has power of attorney, the property is my mums, he has a good pension and a property of his own that's unsuitable as he can't use stairs, but he also has a daughter. She lives alone, has learning difficulties, but she also has a downstairs bathroom and couch. Harsh some may think, but as I write this on my mums 85th birthday, independence day my gift to her is me time, for the first time since leaving school , I came out of work as mum went into rehab unit. I'm a person of very basic needs, we won't starve. I've not long finished my mortgage, so yep when the police turn up I'll state my concern, remind them they are not married, this is mums house, and im her legal carer.
I expect some brothers or others may say I'm acting to quick. My reply will be I'm re acting.
Whilst I tuck mum into bed with a hot water bottle hearing her whimper in pain, as my heart breaking he's sat in living room in his shorts and support stocking, eating magnum lollices like the freezer has just broke.
Then later...ohh he was very coy about how he sneaked in the vodka he drank straight may I add.
So if anyone got to the end of rant, congratulations your life is as bad as mine right now.
Oh and yep I know I curse, but to me it's in my personal context..he directly called me stupid over another earlier argument...topic of that one, carrier bags.
Someone, anyone, please ?
Wow I've been writing various things for hours, the sun has just come up, it peaceful and safe here.
Before I try to sign off I'll leave you with this cracker mum done tonight.
So knowing I wasn't staying my sister in law rang mum to make sure she was in bed and OK, so she says to mum, Me and Tom will pick you up tomorrow, bring you down here for the day, sit in their beautiful garden, have some lovely food and then the kids will come round and poppy will put on a show for you, so mum said yes OK, wait till I ask him, so she shouts him and he shouts back ...what....she says ? do you wanna get married tomorrow!!! He shouts back what are you talking about, she shouted, its a simple yes or no question , do you wanna get married, they've got all the right people and it's all ready.
23 years he's quite literally begged mum to marry him, she has actually told him no ???
So on another plus point, I've lost a stone in six weeks, 1.5 to go then im fighting fit. ?
