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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Anongirl, Sep 10, 2015.
I know how hard it is AG but encouraging to read that she is getting this care.xx
It's just seeing her deteriorate so much that hurts Sue. I look in her eyes and she's lost.
She's looking for her dad nearly all the time now and seems so anxious.
She still knows me, my brother and her grandchildren though so I have to look on the positive side.
So sorry to hear
I was so sorry to hear about your mother. Just wanted to say that you and your mother are in my thoughts as I have followed your story. You will get through this as you coped before.
My own mother has not had a good day today so it sort of resonates with me.
I've posted on this subject a few times so, at the risk of repeating myself, I just want to say that my late Husband was sectioned 5 times in 8 1/2 years. Each time his care was exemplary and his was observed and treated with the greatest of love. The thought of our loved one being in a MHU is often so terrible to bear but your Mum will get the help she needs-I'm glad to read that you are feeling a bit reassured that the personal care is going a bit better.
With regards to looking for a different home for your Mum; Pete's SW wasn't up to much and he sent me to look at totally inappropriate CH's-too few staff for residents ratio, so I took it upon myself to find the correct home for him. It really does depend on how good you think the SW is.
Anongirl, this probably feels as though your worst nightmare has come true; but your Mum needs to be observed, and possibly her meds 'tweaked', before she is stable enough to go to another home. In the MHU she will receive both physical and mental health expertise.
Lyn T XX
Thank you Lyn, I'm going to start looking at a few soon, just to get a feeling for where I like and definitely don't like.
I found the word "sectioned" scary. It sounds like something from Victiorian times where people were locked in institutions for being 'mad'. It just has such negative connotations. I've spoken to a few nurses now and they all seem to be taking interest in mum, after only a few days they seem to have an understanding of her, of her likes and dislikes and appear to be dealing with her issues in a positive way. As my brother said he started to feel like she was being "written off".
I know things are deteriorating fast but I don't want her to feel distressed no matter how bad things get xx
Candlelight, thank you so much, I hope your mum is ok xx
Hi Anongirl.my husband was sectioned and to be honest it was the best thing for both our sakes though like you I was horrified to begin with he is now in a care home and is so much less agitated as his medication was all.sorted out in the hospital wishing you strength xxx
Thinking of you and your Mum AGxx
my husband was sectioned
Almost three weeks ago my husband was sectioned. At the time he was in respite because of an incident which occurred at home. So basically the matter was taken out of my hands by the care home who took the step of involving the hospital because he self harmed. He was settled in the hospital assessment unit to begin with but is now very unsettled. I visit daily but he spends all the rest of his time pacing about looking for me.
He says all he wants is to have me in his arms. He is like a lost soul and my heart is telling me to try to have him back at home. My head, and my family and friends are telling me I wouldn't cope. I have no idea at the minute what will happen at the end of 28 days detention when the section runs out. All I know is visiting him gets harder, and I feel so bad about the whole thing. I keep asking myself why I got to the point where I felt I needed respite, and then I remember just how awful it was getting.
Thank you x
I'm really hoping this is a positive step. There doesn't seem too many positives with dementia.
On the day she was sectioned I went in the morning to see her (I didn't know what would happen later in the day). Mum was preoccupied and a little agitated.
Later when the social worker rang I went straight round to the home. Mum again seemed agitated and preoccupied. When everyone left the room mum was quiet. She looked at me and said "You were wearing a different top this morning". And I was! It was 6 hours between my visits and she noticed that!
You see I know there are still shreds of my mum in there. They are getting less but she is in there somewhere.
I can understand your feelings. Though it's different when it's your spouse. I feel guilt about mum and feel I should be doing more but in my heart I know I cant take care of mum better than the trained staff. I just can't. Mum often calls for me but more so calls for her (deceased) father. I hate to think that she thinks I've deserted her.
It's easy to forget the hard times when you think with your heart xxx
Bless her AG she is still in there and knows who you are, so precious yet so painful for you both. Let's hope this is positive and that she will become calmer.xx
I hope so Sue, I just want her to be less agitated and just more contented xxx
Yes you are right, thinking with the heart does remove all the bad times from the equation. Problem is, it doesn't take long for those memories to come back when you are back in there living the problem. How selfish is that! What happened to for "better or worse, in sickness and in health". Almost 50 yrs of marriage which has been wonderful up to the last 3/4 yrs in all respects is hard to put to one side.
It's not selfish at all! Looking after another adult is hard, put dementia in the equation and starts to get impossible. It's not selfish to admit you need help taking care of someone. It doesn't mean you love them any less xxx
You're doing your best for them, that's what in sickness and health means. The experts will look after her. As was said on here recently, you wouldn't try to set her broken leg, would you? The experts would. And that's what you are doing now, letting the exports deal with the problem.
Ward meeting today
I met with all the doctors, etc today who are dealing with mum. They think she had a raging UTI which took a few courses of antibiotics to contain. They said she is much calmer now so they think it's gone. There have been no further aggressive episodes and she is calm and content by all accounts.
After a chat it was decided that the residential home is unlikely to be the best place now and a specialised dementia home would be for the best. Everyone was in agreement so now it's waiting for the care co-ordinator to contact me. The consultant said the hospital isn't the best place as she is a falls risk. She's got a black eye which I have asked them to look into but it's my guess that she has walked into something, she has no spatial awareness. I want to know for sure though what happened.
He also asked about resuscitation which was hard to discuss in a room full of people, I found that difficult and felt the lump come up in my throat but managed to hold it together! I don't think she would want to go through any trauma so I went ahead with a DNR.
Not the most cheerful morning but we plod on....
What another tough day for you. Am so sad that someone didn't discuss DNR more privately with you which would have been more gentle. Am pleased to read though that your Mum is calmer and hope that a good placement can be found asap where she will be well cared for. I walk into door frames when I'm bad and can readily bruise myself too, I hope they follow up on your concern as it will make them keep a closer eye.
Love to you