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Mum has Alzheimers and dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer

loured

New member
Aug 15, 2020
3
During lockdown I was the main family carer for mum whose dementia had noticeably deteriorated because my dad was too tired to reminisce etc. Once I was allowed into their social bubble I feel that I had a positive impact on mum and I even got her baking again which she was amazing at pre diagnosis. Now my lovely dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer and is undergoing chemo for it. My issue is that my brother and his know it all wife are now helping me out with the caring, even though I've organised some fantastic carer calls from a specialist team for them both. But I feel that they are all about my dad and kind of sidelining my mum who also has a serious condition but they treat her like a fool. I am trying to support both of my parents but I don't understand why my brother hasn't got empathy for mum. She is a beautiful gentle soul and I don't want her being treated like a child by him and his wife. I'm trying to find them a care home where both their specialist needs can be catered for.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,789
Kent
Hello @loured Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

Your brother and his wife might find cancer easier to understand than dementia. You can hope as they familiarise themselves with your mother they might develop a better understanding of the illness.

If you are able to lead by example the penny may drop.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,824
69
Dundee
Welcome from me too @loured.

I’m sorry to read about your situation. It must be so difficult for your mum. I do hope you are able to find a suitable care home for them both.
 

loured

New member
Aug 15, 2020
3
Hello @loured Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

Your brother and his wife might find cancer easier to understand than dementia. You can hope as they familiarise themselves with your mother they might develop a better understanding of the illness.

If you are able to lead by example the penny may drop.
Hi there, thank you for taking the time to reply. I think you're right that they can deal with my dad's illness but they haven't taken the time, like I have, to learn about and understand the awful illness that is dementia. X
Welcome from me too @loured.

I’m sorry to read about your situation. It must be so difficult for your mum. I do hope you are able to find a suitable care home for them both.
 

loured

New member
Aug 15, 2020
3
Welcome from me too @loured.

I’m sorry to read about your situation. It must be so difficult for your mum. I do hope you are able to find a suitable care home for them both.
Thank you so much Izzy, this is probably the hardest thing I've had to deal with but my aim is to respect their wishes that they want to stay together. Thank you.