Mum has Alzheimer’s and Cancer

[Loglady]

Hi everyone, my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and ovarian cancer in the same week one year ago. She had cancer surgery and chemo, which was very difficult for all involved, but she is doing well now. The struggle now is that the Alzheimer's symptoms are getting worse and she refuses to admit it or accept much help. She gets angry with me when I try to help but is lovely to everyone else. Whenever I ask for advise I am told there is not much that can be done at this stage, just help her to stay independent for as long as possible. But, she is not completely independent as she could not manage without the help I give.

 

[karaokePete]

Hi everyone, my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and ovarian cancer in the same week one year ago. She had cancer surgery and chemo, which was very difficult for all involved, but she is doing well now. The struggle now is that the Alzheimer's symptoms are getting worse and she refuses to admit it or accept much help. She gets angry with me when I try to help but is lovely to everyone else. Whenever I ask for advise I am told there is not much that can be done at this stage, just help her to stay independent for as long as possible. But, she is not completely independent as she could not manage without the help I give.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

When you have any specific questions you will get replies here as the members have vast collective knowledge and experience.

I notice the Alzheimer's diagnosis. Have the meds that can help a little with brain function been prescribed(Memantine and Donepezil)? These meds did assist my wife for a while.

 

[Loglady]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

When you have any specific questions you will get replies here as the members have vast collective knowledge and experience.

I notice the Alzheimer's diagnosis. Have the meds that can help a little with brain function been prescribed(Memantine and Donepezil)? These meds did assist my wife for a while.

Hi, thanks for your reply.
Mum has been taking Donepezil for over a year now, but not sure it is helping any more.
She often forgets her tablets, and argues with me if I mention it (which I no longer do!)

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Loglady
a warm welcome to DTP
good to hear that your mum is doing well after the cancer treatment

sadly your mum is unlikely to grasp the significance of the diagnosis of dementia, it's often one of the symptoms that reasoning is affected ... and it's quite usual too for the person to show one behaviour to the main carer, the one who is closest, and be different with others; it has a name, Host Mode ... this also means that your mum is unikely to readily accept help as, to her, there is nothing wrong with her and she does everything she used to, in her head

have a chat with her GP about how she is right now, as there may be some meds to help her

also, contact hre Local Authority Adult Services for an assessment of her care needs .. a care plan may include some home care visits to help her with meds and some tasks ... she may be resistant to having carers but at least her situation will be flagged up to Social Services

some members have used automatic pill dispensers to help with taking pills on time, may be worth you looking at these

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi @Loglady I cared for my dad who had alzheimers and oesophageal cancer. He never fully understood that he had either which did make things difficult. I took him to all appointments and he would understand everything the doctors said at that moment in time but then immediately forget and I do mean immediately. He didn't know that I was helping him either which was a little annoying.

He also thought he was living totally independently which was far from the truth and I ended up moving in with him 24/7 after he had a disastrous stay in hospital that set him back so much that he could not live alone. He didn't know that I lived there, if I left the room and then returned he thought that I had just turned up. You may find that as your mums memory declines and her need for help becomes more then she may be far more accepting of help although that won't make it any easier for you because you will be doing more and more.

I agree with @Shedrech she needs to be assessed in preparation for the future. I never managed to get my dad assessed I just ploughed on regardless and I would not recommend that route to anyone. For the moment it may be best to try to help unobtrusively. I did all my dads washing and cleaning for a number of years but he actually thought that he was still doing it. I suppose I took over everything by stealth.

My dad had a wonderful GP who asked dad once if it was okay to talk to me if he needed to and dad said yes, The GP took that to mean that he could discuss anything and everything about dad's health with me and that was brilliant. I struck very lucky there and to be honest there was little point him asking dad how he was.