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Mum gone from hospital to care home

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
My mum fractured her knee in August. Been in hospital up until a week ago. She has been moved to a care home until her leg is healed and had physio. On top of that memory clinic says it sounds like Alzeimhers based on brain scan and med will go to 20mg. I feel the same, she saves all her emotional trawl for me. Its so upsetting, I havent spoke to her for a few days as I cant take it. Other siblings have been calling her. She refused to go to her hosp appt for her leg. Today she is refusing her meds and insulin. She is in 2 week isolation after being moved from hospital which isn't helping. Shes saying get me out of here. Take me home. Just don't know how to deal with it. Any advice please
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
682
Hello @Bha . Your poor mum will be more confused being moved from hospital to the care home and no doubt still very confused from being in hospital in any case. It is very tricky when someone refuses medication. Can any of your siblings persuade her over the phone that she will not have to stay long if she takes her medication? I remember there was a problem with language in the hospital which may still be the case in the care home. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
Hi there. Mum had to be moved to a care home as taking up hospital bed. We specified with ss that she needs a home that caters for her language and diet and dementia friendly. She has all this but really really confused about whats happening to her. She refused to go the hospital yesterday for an appt to get her leg checked. Hospital transport hung around for 20 mins and understood mum but in the end he refused to rake her in her state. Today district nurses came to do her insulin. She was refusing. Family member spoke to her calmly and said we just need to get thru this. Get your leg better and then u can come home. She wasn't having it. Anyway she's had insulin but my brother tells me if she refuses meds again, they may send her back to hospital!!!!! 😵
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,830
Oh dear @Bha. I think the take your medicine, do what the doctors ask about getting your leg checked and then you can come home is the way to go. Of course in reality she is unlikely to go home, but you can keep on giving other reasons when leg is better and she'd taking medication properly. She might start to settle, though it could take a long time. She would be the same if she was at home, at least in a care home there are people around 24/7 to look after her.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
682
Oh dear. Probably best that they didn't try to take her to hospital yesterday. Sometimes it's just not worth it! Good that your mum's had her insulin. I hope she takes her med's ok from now on and that there is something in there to help keep her calm. My mum refuses sometimes when she's in "a bit of a state". It's always such a relief when she starts taking them again.

Mum going back to hospital's the last thing you need! Good luck.
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
Thank you. Ive not been in touch for a couple of days as I felt I was drowning in her emotional trawl. I will video call today and try saying let them look after u so we can gave u back home. Her hospital appt is now arranged for next Friday and the hospital have given special clearance for a family member to go with her to the hospital.
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
Oh dear @Bha. I think the take your medicine, do what the doctors ask about getting your leg checked and then you can come home is the way to go. Of course in reality she is unlikely to go home, but you can keep on giving other reasons when leg is better and she'd taking medication properly. She might start to settle, though it could take a long time. She would be the same if she was at home, at least in a care home there are people around 24/7 to look after her.
Yes I think she needs to be there but it really is hard and must be difficult for the staff. I think mum is the only one being difficult
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
Oh dear. Probably best that they didn't try to take her to hospital yesterday. Sometimes it's just not worth it! Good that your mum's had her insulin. I hope she takes her med's ok from now on and that there is something in there to help keep her calm. My mum refuses sometimes when she's in "a bit of a state". It's always such a relief when she starts taking them again.

Mum going back to hospital's the last thing you need! Good luck.
Yes I dont want her back in hospital as it will confuse her even more than she already is.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,830
@Bha, don't worry about your mum being difficult, I'm pretty sure she isn't the only one. My mother swore at the staff, made racist remarks, hit the staff and had several near attempts at escaping. They took it in their stride.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,372
Yes I think she needs to be there but it really is hard and must be difficult for the staff. I think mum is the only one being difficult
I doubt she is the only one being difficult. My mother in law was in care and often used to scream and shout at staff. It's all part and parcel of the everyday life in the care home
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
@Bha, don't worry about your mum being difficult, I'm pretty sure she isn't the only one. My mother swore at the staff, made racist remarks, hit the staff and had several near attempts at escaping. They took it in their stride.
Really. Dealing with memory loss is so difficult. Its nice to know that people understand what you are going through on this forum. Thank you.
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
I doubt she is the only one being difficult. My mother in law was in care and often used to scream and shout at staff. It's all part and parcel of the everyday life in the care home
So grateful for this forum. How do you cope with it. My mum keeps telling staff to ring her daughters all the time. I just don't have the mental strength sometimes
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,372
So grateful for this forum. How do you cope with it. My mum keeps telling staff to ring her daughters all the time. I just don't have the mental strength sometimes
I ignored the shouting , but then neither my husband, his sister or I had a positive loving relationship with her. It's a long story , but we made sure she was cared for out of a sense of duty. My husband refused to take any phone calls from her if asked staff to phone on her behalf. He would only speak to staff not her. As I said, there was a long history of my husband and his sister being emotionally abused by their mother, so our own emotions and reactions to her behaviour were somewhat hardened.
 

Bha

Registered User
Jun 17, 2020
21
I ignored the shouting , but then neither my husband, his sister or I had a positive loving relationship with her. It's a long story , but we made sure she was cared for out of a sense of duty. My husband refused to take any phone calls from her if asked staff to phone on her behalf. He would only speak to staff not her. As I said, there was a long history of my husband and his sister being emotionally abused by their mother, so our own emotions and reactions to her behaviour were somewhat hardened.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. My relationship is good with my mum but its been tested every since my dad passed away in Nov 2018. We are dealing with our own grief and supporting mum.