Mum gone downhill fast after virus

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Pear trees, Oct 21, 2017.

  1. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    442
    My mum has gone downhill fast following a bad virus recently which really set her back. She has been doubly incontinent for a while and we have arranged full at home care and a profiling bed and air mattress as she is now totally bedbound and sleeps all the time except for personal care, and needs feeding with small mouthfuls of soft food and sips of drinks. Apart from my SIL and me no family will visit even though she can no longer recognise them or be nasty and spiteful to them as she has been all their lives.
    I am arranging everything to make her comfortable and safe. Her GP says her heart is strong, but secretly I wish she would slip away peacefully in her sleep as her quality of life is nonexistent, and she could be in this awful limbo state for months or, God forbid, years.
     
  2. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    Peartrees, I felt just the same when my mother was in a similar state. She wasn't bed bound but was slumped in a chair nearly all the time - incontinent, no clue about anything, didn't know any of us, didn't respond to anything, zero quality of life. And you can't help wondering what is the point of their going on like this - I know my mother's former self would have been appalled to think of herself like that.
    Like your mum, her heart was very strong, too. TBH I think even the care home staff had begun to think she'd go on for ever.
    I hope you don't feel bad for hoping she'll slip peacefully away before too long. I didn't - it was a cruel way for anyone's life to end up. Who on earth would want that for anyone? A fate a lot worse than death, IMO.
     
  3. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    1,535
    England
    I too had a mother with a very strong heart with zero QoL for well over 3 years and how often during that time I wished she would 'slip away quickly'.
    Like yours Witzend everyone couldn't believe how often she 'pulled through the emergencies' and even at the end this past week we almost wondered if she would indeed pull through this one too. o_O
    During the past 2 years we had so many emergencies, 8 last year and 10 this year since February and a few weeks ago when she had the last emergency I actually teased her about 'having had enough dress rehearsals.;)

    Obviously each one weakened her, but she was a real fighter. We even had some Cheynes-Stroke breathing a couple of weeks ago, which resolved themselves with the medication? :confused: In the end it was a couple of days in a coma and gently, gently she went. Much to everyone's surprise. And in the case of the Dr'. to their consternation. What could they put on a death certificate. Not pneumonia, nor heart failure, nor kidney failure etc. etc. really and truly I believe it was at the end 'brain failure an inability having exhaled, to 'remember' to take the next breath. But of course dementia is not recognised as a 'disease' or a good enough reason for death. :rolleyes: Will be interesting to see what the coroner decides.

    But please never beat yourself up for wishing it all over. My mother watched other relatives get to this very advanced severe stage (not may do) and always prayed she would die before that stage.
     

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