Mum going into care home

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by KerryH, Dec 5, 2015.

  1. KerryH

    KerryH Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    It has been decided this week that mum has to go into a nursing home. She is a 77 year old insulin diabetic with mixed dementia (late stage vascular/Alzheimer's). We've found a lovely home, more like a country house which has an excellent QC report and scored 10 in reviews. The general managers are lovely and I think mum will have the best care she could hope for.

    However.... She will hate it. She's been in hospital for 6 weeks with an ulcerated foot brought on by her diabetes and just wants to go home. She was in assisted living but unable to look after herself anymore. The biggest problem is that she has a cat (Charlie) who is the love of her life, but the home won't allow her to take him. The manager went to assess mum in hospital and told her that we wanted her to go into the home for respite (as we didn't want to tell her she was moving there) mum understood this but started to get very upset about Charlie. The manager called me to say she would ask the home owner if they would allow mum to have him but sadly they said no. Bearing this in mind, we've tried to find another home who can accommodate a cat but without success.

    I feel awful about putting her in a home let alone without Charlie and struggling to deal with it. But there is no other way. I felt the manager was so kind and thoughtful in dealing with this that I know it's the right place for her. But I'm so worried and upset how all this is going to affect mum.

    I hate this awful disease. I'm crying now as I'm writing this.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  2. theoh

    theoh Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    Morning KerryH,
    think I am the only on due to the time difference in my part of the world.
    cannt really help but just sending lots of hugs for you at this difficult time. My OH's family experienced similar experience with their Mum last Christmas and there was a cat involved. My step daughter managed to rehome the cat and continued to tell her mum it was temporary while she was in respite care (like you sadly it wasn't respite care).
    I can see both sides of the equation of cats accompanying their owners but know from my OH our cats are a great comfort to him and when he has a nap are always cuddled up with him on the bed.

    thinking of you

  3. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    Me to

    im sat her 20 past the moring with out my wife.who has lewe body.she been in hospitel all this week unwell.and the time has now come to soon for me for her to go into a home .she only 62.still young .the sick feeling have about all of this .i feel like you feel .keep strong.
  4. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    So sorry you are going through this, Kerry, and you too, Bill.
    It is a major change, went through it with my late Mum, and then my dad, so I know something of how you feel.
    Please take encouragement if you can from the positive posts on here from others who have faced the same, and then found it easier and better than they expected.
    Thinking of you both.
  5. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    #5 BR_ANA, Dec 5, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
    My mom had a dog when she went to CH. she loved that dog as her daughter.

    I adopted her dog and once a week I walked my mom to my home to see the dog.
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Would it be possible for a family member to adopt Charlie and then bring your mum to see him, happy in his new home. I would be devastated to leave my cats too but I might, just might, feel better if I had visiting rights regularly and knew they were happy. The cat will be fine but my heart goes out to your Mum. I met someone the other day who had been allowed to take her cat into the home and on the day I visited she had asked that the vet be called to have the cat put down because she felt he was so miserable shut in her room with her that she found it unbearable and that made me cry so perhaps your mum would be happier if he was looked after and she could visit?

    I'm so sorry that you are going through all this, all of you, but the care home sounds wonderful and just because your mum cannot look after herself at home doesn't mean that she has to be in the CH all the time - I'm sure you all find a way through this and that Charlie will be happy too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  7. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013

    I totally get why your Mum is upset to be parted from her cat. Pets are such a comfort. I agree that if you can re home Charlie so your mum can still visit that would be a good option. Depending on the temperament of the cat perhaps Charlie could visit her in her room - after all most care homes allow dogs in for Pet therapy. If the cat is her closest companion this is akin to being separated from a close relative and never being able to see them again for your Mum.

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