1. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    My heart is breaking and tears streaming down my cheeks as i type this new thread. After reading Diane B thread about her beloved mum i find myself in a similar position. My Mum has been in a EMI nursing home since April and at first seem to settle in and was still walking and eating well. About 8 weeks ago she stopped walking and in the last 4/5 weeks she has stopped talking and eating, she has lost nearly a stone in weight in the last 4 weeks and now looks very frail, she is on 3 ensures a day and calogen once a day. She has pressure sores on her bottom which are not healing and keeps being sick i really don't know how much longer she will be with us but it is breaking my heart as i really don't know how much longer i can keep a brave face on me when i visit which is every other day and both days over the weekend. The home have said they are very concerned about her and are keeping her as comfortable as possible. I find myself leaving the home in floods of tears as i feel so helpless.
    She drinks really well and is always looking for more liquid to drink, she has a few small bites of food from time to time which she seems to chew then store in her mouth without swallowing the food and to make matters worse at the moment half of her dentures are missing. i have suggested that she should have food that is pureed and see if that will make a difference.
     
  2. Sam Iam

    Sam Iam Registered User

    Sep 29, 2008
    3,151
    WEST OF THE MOON
    Laylabud Iam sending hugs and thinking of you and your Mum.
    Pureed food sound's like the correct way for your Mum's situation, a speech and language therapist would be of help as well ( they are trained in the swallowing process and might be able to help) xxx
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Laylabud, I'm so sorry to read your post. Your mum does sound to ve very ill.

    I'm surprised they haven't put your mum on pureed food already, especially as she's in an EMI home. Usually they do that as soon as there are swallowing problems.

    On the other hand, she's probably getting more calories from Ensure than she would get from puree.

    I'd talk it over with the head of unit. Perhaps you could also ask about the prognosis -- that is, if you want to know!

    Thinking of you and your mum, and sending you love and hugs,
     
  4. Tarika

    Tarika Registered User

    Jul 26, 2008
    111
    dear Laylabud
    I,m so sorry your mum is deteriorating-it's heartbraking and I really sympathise. I do agree that you should get an assessment from a Speech and Language Therapist urgently as pureed food is so much easier to swallow especially if your mum's chewing reflex isn't very good.
    I get my mum lots of lentil soup and Ambrosia custard as she doesn't really have to chew and if she can't swallow well it eventually slips down.
    I'm thinking of you and hope things improve for you and her.

    Love Tarika
     
  5. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    765
    nottinghamshire
    Sending you my love hugs and support xxxxxxxxxxxx I don't know what else to say but I walk this path with you xxxxxxx
     
  6. marg89

    marg89 Registered User

    Jun 5, 2008
    3
    Liverpool
    #6 marg89, Nov 1, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2008
    I am Praying for you, my mum is still in the early stages, memory loss, and saying I am giving her too many tablets!!, but I know we will have to face what you are going through eventualy, I realy feel for you, it is such a difficult thing to have to go through, but, please know that you are not alone, all the feelings you have are natural, it isn't easy seeing someone change so much, My mum never swore at all, now!!! she is like a fishwife, some of the things she says leaves me gobsmacked!!
    I Love her dearly, but it is difficult seeing the changes in her, she came to live with me and my husband when she was diagnosed but my sister wanted her to go in a home "coz it was nearer to her, and easier to visit!!" I have had to come to terms with the changes in my mum and also the negativity from the family (as so many have said) anyway, this is about you, I have found this to be a great place to let off steam and also get some realy good advice from people in the same boat, so, come in here often, you will feel better knowing that you are not alone, and that we all feel the same at some time or another.
     
  7. Katie Malarkey

    Katie Malarkey Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    23
    Northumberland
    Dear Laylabud,

    Just to say I'm thinking about you. Not eating/drinking was the hardest part of dementia I faced with my lovely mam - my heart goes out to you.

    Katie xx
     
  8. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Dear Laylabud

    Sending love X

    Barb & Ron XX
     
  9. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    Thank you for all your kind messages.

    Mum has had a chest infection and now to boot i was told on Friday that she now has a U.T.I and a very nasty bed sore on her backside which the home are very concerned with. She has been poorly over the weekend, i had a day off on Monday from Visiting just to recharge my batteries, i went to see her after work last night and although she was in bed she looked a little brighter in herself and she actually spoke a few words. I took some chocolate with me and a yogurt, she had the yogurt and a little piece of chocolate and plenty to drink. Somehow the home have lost her bottom teeth and she has had her top teeth out for over a week and have been trying to get her top teeth back in, last night i finally suceeded which hopefully might make a slight difference, will just have to wait and see. This is so hard to see and when i left she looked peaceful and relaxed and i hope for whatever time she has left she remains calm and pain free.
    One of the carers in the unti said to me last night that she got excited the other day because mum actually spoke to her for the first time in a long time and then a couple of hours later mum ended up punching her on the nose and making it bleed, although Mum is frail she still managed to do this, i really don't know where she got the strength from. I felt so sorry for the carer as she has only been in the job for about 4 weeks, i apologised to her on Mum's behalf, if only mum knew what she had done she would be so upset with herself.
     
  10. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Laylabud, I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. Does the nursing home check her at night and turn her regularly so that she is not always resting on the pressure area? Does she have a ripple mattress?

    I would keep up the good work with the dentures. It helps, I find, to follow up placing the denture in the mouth by a little sip of something sweet to take the taste away. I always make sure my mum's dentures are moist when they go in her mouth. As for the home losing one of the dentures, you could very reasonably ask them to pay for a replacement. They should darned well be looking out for ALL her needs.

    Finally, try some mashed banana with cream and sugar. Highly nutritious and very palatable with or without teeth, I find. Good luck and kind regards, Deborah
     
  11. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    Thanks Deborah i will try the mashed Banana's tonight when i visit and thanks for the other advice, it would seem that there are 3 other residents have also lost their teeth, god only knows how.

    Laylabud
     
  12. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    Layla,

    Hugs to you. i know only too well that feeling when your parent starts to decline in a way we do not want. You seem to have your wits about you and probably discovered that your mom favors sweets to regular food. Mom did this also. I would suggest however adding a non-flavored protein powder to the sweets. Your body needs the protein to help repair the pressure sores. I hate to say it, but I doubt you will ever see them truly gone, but at least you can help keep them from getting worse and help keep her comfortable. Once again sending you many hugs.


    HUGS

    Nancy
     
  13. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    Thank you Nancy for your kind words.

    Went to see Mum Friday night, she was sitting up in the chair, it was tea time when i got there so i fed her puree, she was sick i left it a little while then try to feed her fruit yogurt and banana which she took fairly well then about 20 mins later she was sick again all over her and me, i didn't get to see her on Saturday but i went to see her Sunday lunch time, she would not get out of bed at all so had to try and feed her, she would not eat her dinner or the custard for desert but i did manage to get another fruit yogust down her along with half a banana and up until the time i left she had kept that down. I am so worried that i am trying all that i can think of to try and motivate her into eating but to be honest i think she is giving up, i really don't know what else to do. She is drinking plenty and is having ensures 3 times a day.
     
  14. Sam Iam

    Sam Iam Registered User

    Sep 29, 2008
    3,151
    WEST OF THE MOON
    Hi Laylabud,
    so sorry to hear your Mum is not eating as well as she should, have you considered Mum's position when she is being fed? is she sitting straight as being even slightly slumped can cause the food to stick in the oesophagus and it will come back up.
    Hope Mum is well today.Xx
     
  15. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    765
    nottinghamshire
    Sending you loads of supportive hugs ((((((((((((Laylabud)))))))))))))))
     
  16. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    Mum had her weight taken again yesterday, she has lost another 3 kilos, she has now lost in 8 weeks 1St 6lbs.
    She was seen by the dietician also she has incresed her ensure drink up to 4 times a day, along with the calogen taken at night time. I did manage to get a few bites of a sandwich into her after work along with a handful of grapes,half a banana and a fruit yogurt.I feel like i am fighting a loosing battle as sometimes she will not even open her mouth for me.I feel so helpless as my Mum is wasting away fast and there does not seem to be a thing i can do to stop it.
     
  17. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    765
    nottinghamshire
    I'm so sorry Mum seems to be losing the weight she is. Losing weight is one of the symptoms and I think no matter what we do or try it wont to a degree stop it. The main thing is your trying your best and that is all any of us can do. My Mum is the same, it's like she is disappearing before our eyes and it devestating when they can't or wont eat. We have tried many tactics, and even the home have said " Your Diane has brought this in for you" which has worked occasionally. Nibbles here and there are at times all she can manage. Mums Dr said to me it is more important that you can get drink down her, a body can survive along time without food but not so much drink. Therefore on the days when food is a no go we have managed to get her to drink some warm milk.
    I walk this path with you, neither you or I are alone. At times when you feel lonely in this journey, think .... I bet Diane's doing exactly the same ;) In fact I'm off in a minute to get there in time for dinner see if she will take the food from me.

    Sending you love and hugs

    Diane xxxxxxxxxx
     
  18. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Laylabud

    I well remember the hopeless feeling as Mum stopped eating and drinking. She would take the Ensures for long enough but even her full fat yoghurts and finally her cups of tea stopped.

    (((((hugs))))))))

    It is not an easy time of it that you are having, but it gave me comfort to think that it was my Mum's choice at this time and just to be there with her.

    Love

    Mameeskye
     
  19. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    Thank you for your kind comments, i know i am not alone in the way i feel and i know there are a lot of people that are worse off, I am coming to terms with her decline but slowly, it is just so hard to accept the Mum i have loved (and still do so much)and known all my life is a shadow of her former self and not the Mum that has been there for me all my life.

    Diane I really feel for you and like you say we are not alone, but sometimes you feel like it.

    Laylabud X
     
  20. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    765
    nottinghamshire
    Laylabud hold my hand lets carry on walking honey. You are always welcome to private message me if it would help.

    Mum wouldn't eat today, maybe tomorrow.
     

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