mum fell today and couldn't get up .. torn as to what to do

[jen54]

Well, have been waiting for crisis, and here it was today.
Luckily last minute hubby came with me to mums, no answer, knocked, rang her phone..then managed to get in..deadlock was not so secure.
Went into her bedroom and there she was sitting on the floor by bed, half undressed, she had no idea how long for and started rambling about wrong bedroom..wrong tv..
I couldn't lift her, so had to get her decent and got hubby to get her on the bed.
Was on verge of calling Dr..but knowing...they will take her to hospital..and probably not let her home,she was adiment she hadn't hurt herself,
Got her into bed, cuppa, and then sorted out everything. Have been there from midday tovgobe seven making sure she is ok, she had a bad hip..but I think I has become worse..I think it gave way..,but the fact she couldn't get back up
..i told her I would have to ring someone,but she was getting so aggitated and saying she was ok..i said even if she hasn't hurt herself,her mobility is getting bad..and I may need to see if we can get some help,I explained I couldn't lift her
So tomorrow I have to work out what to do, I am going round first thing to see how she is,but I fear her hip has got worse..she wont use a stick..forgets ..
I feel a traitor, but if she falls again. Not sure where to start,

 

[di65]

Oh Jen, I do so feel for you. It is so hard when they don't understand that they could have injured themselves and you just want to do the best for them.
I would talk it over with her GP if you are able to (privacy laws stink) and he/she may be able to intervene. You may have to be cruel to be kind, as it sounds like her dodgy hip may have had further problems.

Sending a huge virtual hug

Di65

 

[Tin]

I do feel for you, last year I was in a similar position, my mum fell and somehow damaged her shoulder, normally my mum is all for medical attention but on this occasion she kept saying "no, i'm alright" in the end I called her gp and asked for a home visit. Even though it was against her wishes, I felt so much better for doing it. In mum's case hospital was not necessary, but her shoulder to this day is still not 'working' properly.

 

[Amy in the US]

Hi, Jen, I'm so sorry to hear your mum had a fall. How upsetting for you all.

I think that to be on the safe side, to act in your mother's best interests (which may or may not be what she is stating!), and for your peace of mind, you should get your mum checked out. You would want to make sure that not only are there no injuries from the fall, but also that there isn't a UTI or other problem, that caused her to fall. Even something like a cold or an ear or sinus infection, could make her wobbly, or it could be a blood pressure issue, or blood sugar, or a number of other things. Better safe than sorry.

I wouldn't ever hesitate to ring the paramedics for help if you needed it, especially if you are on your own. I don't think you can assume that if she falls, she will go to hospital and never, ever come home again. It could be a way to get more help and support, if they are needed.

If you don't know how to safely lift someone, you can aggravate their injuries, and/or hurt yourself, and nobody would want that. Better to get help.

Best wishes and hope she is all right.

 

[jen54]

Thanks,yup, it was much debated whether to call Dr, but I didn't attempt moving her till I had checked her over and was pretty certain nothing was injured,I think she just slid off the bed trying to dress herself,she was sitting up on floor by the bed but it did highlight her weakness in that she couldn't pull her self up..and that she was not steady walking
I will ring the Dr tomorrow morning and see where we go from here, I realise it isi time she has to accept more help.the hard part is that although she seemed to accept if her leg had got worse we needed to ask for help..she soon forgot that she had fallen, I put the rail back in the loo and the perching stool as something to hold..but she takes them out as she doesn't need them in her eyes..I think time has come to take charge,as said mum has no clue how bad she is getting,so I cant tell her,or get her to use anything I get to help her I the house..i am worrying now in case she forgets to stay in bed and try's to go doenstairs

 

[jen54]

Well, mum is in bed, she has stiff shoulders and a sore tail bone, her hip is not aching as much and as she was walking to the loo and her steadiness was improving, we thought we would ring Dr .. Seeing I was told to make every opportunity one to get her to accept a Drs visit. And she did day ok when I said it was best..all I got was, he didn't think it worth coming out as he wouldn't know if she had hurt herself..and I should call 999 for ambulance, I told him about the undiagnosed dementia, her terror of hospitals and how we thought she hadn't sustained any fractures..as she was able to bear weight etc on her bad hip..no joy,no advice, I our main concern was how to look after her as she cant get down stairs etc..
Unsuprisingly mum was terrified by mention of a trip to hospital..was pleading, and so we decided to leave it a day or so, as she was not in pain.
However, we know we cant keep going up twice a day to see to everything ..and cats. She doesn't recall falling,or why she is in bed..infact she got up to see me off last night,so had to get her back in bed, she doesn't seem any worse than before, but her hip is obviously worse and will give way..
Dr offered no advice on calling social services or anything,
I am dreading it, but I think the ball is rolling as obviously her leg could give way any time..as she will forget to use amy support..shr didn't even seem to know how to use the walking stick yesterday and I tried..
If she was somewhere safe, or with me,or I could stay full time with her,it may work as she is chirpy and fine with someone there sorting her.
I am devastated that I just havent room for her with me,and moving is not affordable round here,and we are stuck for another year or so..
Knew it was coming,but it is a hard pill to swallow as mum is happy in her house and oblivious of what's wrong..and I tried to mention help..and the fact stairs are the problem..and she didn't want to even talk or think about that..we could set upstairs so she doesn't need to go downstairs..burt she will forget..and still need help each day..and who is going to come clear up and feed four cats...not carers I feel.
Plus its snowing..its all so unfair,though I suppose its the fact her mobility will be the nail in the coffin..

 

[Princess t]

Well, mum is in bed, she has stiff shoulders and a sore tail bone, her hip is not aching as much and as she was walking to the loo and her steadiness was improving, we thought we would ring Dr .. Seeing I was told to make every opportunity one to get her to accept a Drs visit. And she did day ok when I said it was best..all I got was, he didn't think it worth coming out as he wouldn't know if she had hurt herself..and I should call 999 for ambulance, I told him about the undiagnosed dementia, her terror of hospitals and how we thought she hadn't sustained any fractures..as she was able to bear weight etc on her bad hip..no joy,no advice, I our main concern was how to look after her as she cant get down stairs etc..
Unsuprisingly mum was terrified by mention of a trip to hospital..was pleading, and so we decided to leave it a day or so, as she was not in pain.
However, we know we cant keep going up twice a day to see to everything ..and cats. She doesn't recall falling,or why she is in bed..infact she got up to see me off last night,so had to get her back in bed, she doesn't seem any worse than before, but her hip is obviously worse and will give way..
Dr offered no advice on calling social services or anything,
I am dreading it, but I think the ball is rolling as obviously her leg could give way any time..as she will forget to use amy support..shr didn't even seem to know how to use the walking stick yesterday and I tried..
If she was somewhere safe, or with me,or I could stay full time with her,it may work as she is chirpy and fine with someone there sorting her.
I am devastated that I just havent room for her with me,and moving is not affordable round here,and we are stuck for another year or so..
Knew it was coming,but it is a hard pill to swallow as mum is happy in her house and oblivious of what's wrong..and I tried to mention help..and the fact stairs are the problem..and she didn't want to even talk or think about that..we could set upstairs so she doesn't need to go downstairs..burt she will forget..and still need help each day..and who is going to come clear up and feed four cats...not carers I feel.
Plus its snowing..its all so unfair,though I suppose its the fact her mobility will be the nail in the coffin..

I know exactly how you feel. In the last five yrs since my dad died mom has fallen over 10 times....she lives alone and 92. I think I've managed to get doc out only a couple of times and ambulance twice. Mom usually refuses help from them, but last time ended up in hospital with suspected broken hip....it had been broken but on a previous fall! She now has four carers a day. I must admit our docs have been brilliant, they sorted sw and memory doctor and was diagnosed last Feb with dementia and alzhimers, it's well worth doing as she now gets so much financial help. She's adamant she will never go in a home so having the four visits a day really helps. But it's not nice when you get the dreaded call at midnight or when ever that she's on the floor and can't move. She very rarely remembers it the next day. But at the time we get screaming crying etc. Very upsetting.

 

[HillyBilly]

You're right Jen. I don't think your Mum's situation is tenable.
If I've understood right she lives alone on the first floor of a two storey house, with you going in twice a day? I'm guessing the bathroom is upstairs which is why she's up there rather than downstairs?
How does she manage for meals/drinks/snacks?
If her mobility is so poor now I'd be worried about her falling - down the stairs or in the bathroom. And what if, for some reason, you were unable to visit for a day or two, say if you were ill?
Is a live-in carer/companion a possibility?
Or can you move her downstairs for now where she'd at least be a bit safer?
Glad there seem to be no serious after effects from her fall and your fright x

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hi I agree with hillybilly. This situation sounds unreasonable for all of you. Have you considered an aid call service with a key safe? And it sounds like you need help from a care agency. My mother in law resisted all help and expected my husband to give up his life for her. Now with a carer coming twice a day it's been accepted as the normal routine . Have you considered a stair lift for her ?
It's not easy as there's always something to think about. Good luck

 

[jen54]

Mum had a day in bed, pampered, but when I arrived a little later yesterday,she was up. Grumbling her shoulders were achy..but no memory of falling.
She could manage stairs and was as mobile as before..the bed rest probably did her good.
Rang carer helpline, and yup, inevitably she needs more help, she walks badly and slowely, though she will not use the walking stick, but she uses the grab rail and bannister on stairs and does take it carefully. They did say 999 was a way of getting quicker ss assessment..but tbh, it is not an emergency..and mum would be caused too much distress. If she had hurt herself that would be different.
I will ring ss Monday to get things moving, if she falls again,I will go the 999 route,but trying a less detrimental way as mum isnt hurt, not sure paramedics want to wrestle someone who isnt hurt into hospital

 

[sue38]

If you do call 999 in the future your mum won't necessarily be taken to A&E. The paramedics will assess her and decide whether or not she needs to be checked over in hospital.

My mum fell in her care home 10 days ago, cutting her head. The paramedics did feel that she needed to be checked over and she had a CT scan which revealed nothing we weren't already aware of, and she was discharged.

I do think with a head injury you have to err on the side of caution as there could be an internal bleed which won't be immediately obvious. Whilst we're all aware of the problems in A&E at the moment, and that sitting patiently in a waiting room for hours on end with someone with dementia is not ideal, you shouldn't hesitate to seek medical advice if you are at all worried.

I'm glad your mum has recovered well from her fall. My mum is doing OK too .

 

[Morty]

My mum is a big fall risk,managed to care for her at home while caring for dad who has dementia,the fall threat is headwrecking,very hard not to become a nervous wreck,good to be vocally reassuring to mum but so hard at times to keep on top of everything, eventually mum had a bad fall while out with sister,fractured skull ,bleed on brain etc,so in a nursing home now,she is 78 ,she fell again in home on nye so its soul destroying waiting for it to happen,dad is 82 and i had to put him in longterm care also.He is losing weight and refuses to eat much,lost a stone in last month which he cant afford as never was overweight,think 2017 is going to very taxing for all involved.Anyway point being dont beat yourself up after falls,she will fall wherever she is including in a home where staff rarely get to them in time,blame understaffed,lack of professionalism etc.Surely in 2017 there would be special rooms where fallsrisk patients have soft floors but apparently not,bizarre really and extermely frustrating,hope she improves btw

 

[Witzend]

My mum is a big fall risk,managed to care for her at home while caring for dad who has dementia,the fall threat is headwrecking,very hard not to become a nervous wreck,good to be vocally reassuring to mum but so hard at times to keep on top of everything, eventually mum had a bad fall while out with sister,fractured skull ,bleed on brain etc,so in a nursing home now,she is 78 ,she fell again in home on nye so its soul destroying waiting for it to happen,dad is 82 and i had to put him in longterm care also.He is losing weight and refuses to eat much,lost a stone in last month which he cant afford as never was overweight,think 2017 is going to very taxing for all involved.Anyway point being dont beat yourself up after falls,she will fall wherever she is including in a home where staff rarely get to them in time,blame understaffed,lack of professionalism etc.Surely in 2017 there would be special rooms where fallsrisk patients have soft floors but apparently not,bizarre really and extermely frustrating,hope she improves btw

I don't think it's fair to blame falls in care homes on understaffing or lack of professionalism. Although this may sometimes be the case.

My mother's care home was very good, but she still fell now and then. With the best will in the world, unless you are paying for one to one care, nobody can watch everybody every second, particularly if the person is still at all mobile and/or has a need to wander.
All it can take is a few seconds while a carer's back is turned while seeing to somebody else.
The only sure way to prevent altogether people who are still at all mobile (and will never remember to use a walking frame) from falling, is either to confine them to bed or chair by fastening them in, or else sedating them into a stupor.

 

[Morty]

Im not blaming care home staff as most are diamonds,however dont fool yourself that sometimes there are 5 or 6 of them chatting at reception gossiping while some poor pensioner needs them ,thats my experience anyway, also why not have softer landing surfaces and safety belt folk in chairs earlier than they do if risk is severe ?
Im in ireland mabey the nhs is much better,i have reported my diary to authorities as ive seen shocking things in various nursing homes,if it makes you feel better that they are all ultra professional staff thats great,the reality ive seen is some of them should have never entered the carer/ nursing profession.

 

[Shedrech]

hi Jen54
have you considered a walking frame for your mum - some have wheels - dad has a 3 wheeled 'shopping trolley' which gives him support and enables him to get about inside his care home; I'm amazed that he is still able to negotiate obstacles = much better than sticks - maybe ask SS for an OT visit to assess your mum; some equipment is free
https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/mobility-aids/rollators-3-wheeled/

 

[WORRIER123]

Hey there
I'm having a bit of deja vu
Dad has falls. Sometimes a spate of them.
I dread 999 and last time I called community nurse team as a head wound they said call 999 I explained dementia and a&e and they suggested 111. Called them and explained dementia and they got a out of hours community doc who called.
Dad now wears a wrist alarm so at least if he falls someone is alerted.
Hope your mum improves

 

[jimbo 111]

I may be wrong , but I don't think anyone has mentioned the benefit and safety of being registered with the local Council Alarm Service [ I live on my own and do not have the benefit of family living close
I wear a pendant and have a key safe outside the front door
I have had to call them ( using the alarm pendant ) several times when I have fallen
and can't get up
They will call the telephone numbers of people you have nominated in case of emergencies, ( neighbours or family ) or send one of their wardens who will assess the problem , call 999 for an ambulance if necessary
I have to pay for this service , but if you are on benefits it is free
It gives some peace of mind to my sons who do not live locally , and for me , although I am reluctant to use it , I feel a lot safer knowing that I have a contact
jimbo

 

[jen54]

Zimmer frame would be a good idea, though she would need two..and the stairs still an issue
The main problem is she doesn't remember she needs these things..Already the perching stool has been moved, and she wont..or cant remember to use the stick..
Last week she saw a lady using a zimmer frame on the news and exclaimed..shoot me if I have to use one of those...even though she would be able to get about safer
If she had a bad hip and no dementia,she would appreciate she needs to use aids..
If she just had dementia..we could look after her practical needs etc
But both is proving hard.

 

[jen54]

And mum would take off the pendant..or not remember what it was..i see aids online that I think would help..but mum wouldn't know why they were there and would remove them
We ran a phone extension upstairs and moved her phone by her bed sp she could call if stuck upstairs..she didn't remember we put extension ..and had successfully pulled the wire out..making it a trip hazard by the next morning..she fiddles and tidies and moves
.she was a nightmare when dad was ill,as she kept taking off his pain relief patches, and removing his aids etc,as it was untidy

Everything different or things out of place, or aids are tidied away, or placed carefully by the front door for us to take away as they aren't hers.. wierd,as she no longer sees if there is stuff dropped on carpets or dust,dirt etc..we clean up that way now...