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Mum entering final weeks

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by LeedsLass, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    107
    Essex
    Doctor has said Mum is now in the terminal phase so think we are looking at a few weeks. Feel whole raft of emotions as I'm sure you all can relate to. Just hoping we can get through Christmas as I live a 4 hour drive away. Feel torn with wanting to support my 85 year old dad and having family Christmas with my children at home. Due to go up end of December but dreading it. Not sure I want to actually witness it happening but will I regret that? I feel like I'm functioning in a vacuum.


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  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,053
    Yorkshire
    So sorry to read your news, LeedsLass
    I wish you strength for the weeks ahead - a peaceful end for your mum and comfort for your dad.
    I admire your courage in admitting that you are not sure whether you want to witness her end. I'm a firm believer that when something finally arrives for us, we do know how best to deal with it - so I would say do what you feel is best in the circumstances when the time comes. Your mum and dad both know you well and love you and will understand and accept whatever your decision is.
    As for Christmas - your children, to me, are your priority - don't change your plans - your dad knows you will be with him in spirit always and in body in just a short time.
    with very best wishes and sympathy
     
  3. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    174
    How very sad LeedsLass. I also think you need to put your children first at Christmas, and keep in touch with your Dad by phone perhaps. It is very natural not to want to witness 'the end'. It will have been a long and difficult journey already and who would want to open themselves to more pain, I wish you courage and strength as you face these challenges and tough decisions. Hoping the end is easier than you expect and that you all find some peace knowing this period of illness is over. xxxxx
     
  4. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    107
    Essex
    Thank you for taking the time to reply. Definitely aiming to spend Christmas here and New Year up north. I feel strangely calm about it all at the moment. No doubt that will change! I wish you well and hope you manage to have a good Christmas whatever your circumstances. X


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  5. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,520
    Ireland
    Will be thinking of you Leedslass. And your dad. It's a hard time, and of course, you don't really know how long it will be. Maybe over the coming days, the doctors will be able to give you a better idea. Then it will be easier for you to decide whether you want to be there or not. To be honest, even if you went down, you could be gone to the loo for a couple of minutes, just when your mum passed away. You could have fallen asleep. There are no guarantees that even if you were there, that you would be right there with her. And often, it seems the person waits until loved ones leave the room, or fall asleep, before passing on. It's as if they don't want to leave them, or upset them. I was with my dad when he died - the whole family were. And it was nice for us to be there for each other. But I wasn't with my husband when he died. Do I regret not being there? Sometimes. But on the whole, no. I had been with him the night before. And he had been sleeping peacefully. But you will know what's right for you as the time comes. Your mum knows that you love her.
     

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