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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by roseg, Feb 12, 2015.
Very best wishes to you xx
I keep replaying my mummy taking her last breaths and although it was peaceful its haunting me when i close my eyes thats what i see. This is terrible . I feel empty without her i cant believe she went and died. I feel like i killed her because i never forced her to eat or drink so when i eat im saying to myself you have a cheek to eat when you let yoyr mummy starve. She could still be here if i tried harder but i was afraid of her choking cos thats what the doc said i let her die and i have to live eith that
Rose, you are NOT to blame for your mother's death. That is clear to everyone who reads your thread. It is very common for carers to feel this kind of guilt and we know from other members that it can take a long time to shake it off.
You followed the doctor's sound advice by not trying to force her to eat or drink. That could have caused choking and could have killed her.
Everything we know about you suggests that far from killing her, you kept her alive with your devoted caring.
Please try to be a little kinder to yourself. That's what she would want you to do.
No Rose, please dont think like that. You did not let her starve, and you could not have made her live by making her eat.
She stopped eating because she was dying and her body could no longer process food. It is one of the end signs.
So sorry for your loss Rose, but don't feel guilty, you did everything you could for your mum.
Rose, please do not feel guilty, your mother would not like you to do that. She would be remembering all the good things the two of you did together. We all feel we could have done more but we did as much as we could at the time and that is what counts.So cry when you must, and we all do, and than get up wash your face and go on with life. I am sure that is what you will be able to do in time, maybe just not right now.