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Mum doesn't want to go to Daycare


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
Took Mum today to check out a Daycare programme which runs Mon to Fri 8am-5pm, and Mum would be allocated a number of days and hours, depending on her health and social needs. This is run through our local hospital for over 60's that have varying health needs but predominatley dementia. They take max 25 people.
It provides morning tea, a cooked lunch, afternoon tea, and transport to and from if needed, and is all free.

Mum seemed to respond well. She introduced herself, with a little about herself, as did the group with the carers overseeing, when each person couldn't remember certain facts.
Even Mum could not remember where abouts in Scotland she was from, and how long ago she emmigrated to New Zealand.
One lady had had a stroke and in a wheelchair so her speech was quite slow, another man and lady with definite dementia, 3 others with heart issues and so on.

Mums response when we left " Oh I don't think I will go there, they all have something wrong with them and a few of them are off their head"..... Unless I went with her :rolleyes:
Mum does not have a lot of confidence, and I know she is quite oblivious as to her own AD and health issues.

If she attends on a Monday at least I can drop her off and pick her up... What should I do?
I have to apply for funding and allocation of days through our hospital which may take 2 or 3 weeks, but don't want to waste time, if it means somone else could be going.

Not so Rosy

Registered User
Nov 30, 2013
Dad tried daycare twice accompanied by his Social Worker and it wasn't a great result.

They watched TV, had Lunch then played Bingo or a Quiz. It didn't go down well with him.

Although Dad only has a short term memory of a few minutes he thought it was all a bit sad. He could watch TV at home and have his lunch. Bingo was for old people (he was 86 at the time) and the quizzes he felt were a bit insulting.

The SW agreed actually and he never went again.

I suppose it all depends on how Dementia affects individuals, Dad is still sharp as a tack with facts and general knowledge type things but can't remember Mum is dead.

I think it must be impossible to make a service that suits all.


Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
I would try again as they may do different activities on different days or she may be in a different frame of mind next time? Persevere for a few weeks and then at least you know you've tried. Where is she from btw? x


Account Closed
Apr 12, 2014
No offence intended but I know somebody who always says he does not want to be with those old people.
He is 88.
In all fairness he is reasonably active.



Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
I don't have any personal experience to share but I would give it a try. Not only can daycare be good for the person with dementia, especially if he/she lives alone or is dependent on one main carer for company, it can also enable that main carer to have a bit of a break and that is just as important for their health and well being.


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
Mum is from Pittenweem Fife :)

Mum currently attends an Alzheimers activity group on a Monday which is basically an outing to a Rest Home where they get morning tea, and they play memory type games which Mum complains about.
More often than not the Alzheimers Activity carer that picks her up, is either sick or on a trainining day or it is a public holiday. There is no one else to take the group otherwise.

Although Mum lives with Dad in their own house behind ours I am Mums main carer, a and Mum has become quite dependant on me.
A while back thinking that Mum her Alzheimers activity group, I gave up working on Mondays so I could have time for me, which really hasn't worked out. Even over Christmas & New Year Mum has had no Alz acitivity groups for 5 weeks.

Im thinking I will apply for funding, and go with Mum a few times for a couple of hours, and take it from there.
The only other option is a Daycare programme at a Rest Home but it is not funded.

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Hi Linbrusco, this is just an idea, but hoping it may help :)

With your Mum pointing out the difficulties/ailments of the other attendee's, would it be worth responding with something like 'I know Mum - that's one of the reasons it would be great if you would go - they could do with capable people like you who can help out'. My Mil knows (mostly) that she goes to day care, and we tell her that her 'doctor' says she must go to keep her 'brain exercized' but she also thinks that she goes to that particular centre because there she also does 'voluntary work' with the people there who she perceives as being less able. This makes the whole thing more acceptable to her, she feels useful and on the mornings where she is really reluctant and resistant to going its the thing most likely to persuade her to go - she has this thing about 'not letting the poor souls down'!. If your mum feels that she is helping out by going there, might she be more receptive to going? If the staff there really are used to dementia patients, surely they will be happy to go along with this too?

Just an idea - HTH :) x


Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
Just reminded me, when OH first went to daycare he said it was for people in wheelchairs. I said, well you can help, then. He told me he used to help with the drinks. Whether he did or not, I have no idea, but he accepted it.
Even then, he has no idea what they had done that day - I used to make the mistake of asking! Now I say, did you have a good time? The answer is there was nothing exciting. The reply, just as well, you could have a problem if it was!
This conversation repeated three times a week! He now has a book in which is written the activities and what they has for lunch.

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